*Before I start I feel compelled to point out that in regards to the headline, I’ve never kicked in anybody’s head in so relax……but at the moment if my type 1 diabetes was a living human being then I’d be severely tempted ha ha. Furthermore, always best to try and do a dramatic headline I find ;D

A BLOG ABOUT MY CURRENT FRUSTRATIONS OF BEING A TYPE ONE DIABETIC…AND A BIT ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH STATE AWAY FROM THE DIABETES.

Never done a post up to this point primarily about my diabetes because I don’t really think of it as that big a thing. I’ve had it since I was 17, now 37, so I can’t really remember what it was like before being one. There are much worse things to suffer from in my view(I’ve got three or four I could name you) and these people who blog about it like it is this horrific thing, in the past have really wound me up. Take Tiger Lily or whatever her name was from X-Factor(think her name was Amelia Lliy) for example. The way she did this sob story in true X-Factor style really infuriated me. I hated the way she depicted it being this God awful thing and oh what a survivor she was….(get the sarcasm)ARGH. It’s never really got me down until recently. The not eating lots of chocolate or beer thing is a bind but I can live with it, not the end of the world after all. No, what is really winding me up at the moment is trying to control my blood sugars whilst taking medication. This means I’m going ‘hypoglycaemic’ quite a lot and so it’s DRIVING ME AROUND THE F-ING BEND!

As some of you will be aware from reading some of my earlier blogs I currently suffer with pelvic, rib and lower back pains. I hope these will be made lots better with forthcoming physiotherapy that is planned, but whilst the priority is getting my lower leg lymphoedema helped then I just have to put up with the other stuff for the time being. The main way I help control the back, rib and pelvic pain is by taking a strong painkiller called Tramadol. I take 100mg a day but break into four small pieces and have one bit with every meal. I’m unable to take say a whole tablet or even half at a time at the moment due to this making my ribs sting too much, thus making the nausea worse. Taking a 100mg tablet of tramadol during the day doesn’t seem to give me any problems or nasty side effects.  Everything is fine until I forget this golden ‘NO MORE THAN 100MG OF TRAMADOL A DAY RULE’,  take last Saturday for example. As I sat down for an evenings viewing, my back was killing me. I was struggling but all I had left to do before bed was to watch the Anthony Joshua fight so had two extra pieces(50mg) of Tramadol to see me through. I go upstairs to do my blood sugars before bed and whereas it would usually be anything around 9.0 to 15.0…….IT WAS BLOODY 23.0……THAT’S 2,3, 23. Then it dawned on me what I’d done regarding taking too much Tramadol, I was soooo cross with myself. I had insulin to bring it down but when I did it again it was EVEN A FRACTION HIGHER. To cut a long story short, it took my three hours and not til 4am that night until I got to bed. Your bloods being that high makes you feel bloody awful too. Cramping, nausea, exhausted, I was sooooooo pissed off that just having an small bit more of Tramadol can make my blood sugars go so erratic. I then had too much insulin to bring it down and so must have eaten twenty-five biscuits to level it off. It wasn’t really twenty-five but it felt like it. This happened two weeks previously and so I was soooooo angry at myself for not remembering to limit the Tramadol intake.

With this in mind I made balls of my diabetes two nights ago before bed, due to being traumatised from this too much Tramadol experience the night before. Usually I have great control but for some reason it being 23.0 before bed the night before was still in my head, so for this reason I had more night time insulin than usual Sunday night. Subsequently, it was too low now just before getting into bed and so I’m there eating another ten biscuits before bed……….FFS! I then had a disaster Monday morning. I wake up from this nightmare of a dream to notice I’m going very hypo……due me to having too much bloody insulin the night before. I stumble and end up having an OCD contamination disaster. So, I’m there at 6.45am Monday morning shivering because I’m freezing, shivering because I’m going hypo and going hysterical because I’ve contaminated myself by touching somewhere I shouldn’t have done……which was caused by me going hypo and being all unsteady. Also I’ve noticed, whenever I go hypo it sends my OCD phobias through the roof. It makes me be so irrational about things it’s untrue. Oh and also the effects of having too much tramadol was also now making me feel bonkers. Usually in daily life I don’t feel suicidal or on the verge of tears any minute. Take this amount of Tramadol however and this is exactly how I was feeling yesterday. I’ve been feeling so worthless and depressed about things, courtesy of having too much tramadol. I’m just soooooooo angry at having too much and also how it effects my blood sugars. I swear even just taking half a paracetamol alters my blood sugars in an unsuspecting way and it’s just really getting me down. I can’t stop taking Tramadol at the mo though, because until I restart physio or am able to take NSAIDS again, then that and a hot water bottle are the only things that help my back and pelvic pains when very bad. Monday night pissed me off too. Due to feeling very depressed that day courtesy of the nasty Tramadol, I decided to try and have less so the side effects wouldn’t be as bad the following day. I go and do my blood sugars before bed Monday night and because I’d had less Tramadol than usual……THEY WERE TOO BLOODY LOW NOW. I must have eaten about twelve digestives and rich tea biscuits combined, and they just wouldn’t raise my blood sugars. This all because I’d altered my Tramadol intake…..FELT LIKE SCREAMING IN FRUSTRATION. I’ll go back to having just 100mg of it a day and things should go back to normal but gee whizz it is a side of having diabetes that really annoys.

On a slightly different note and might do a seperate blog about this in the coming days, but at the moment I’m struggling with depression I think. I’m off to my GPs at 3.30pm today to discuss my mental health. It’s being diagnosed with Lymphoedema that is really getting to me. I don’t want another life long health problem to have to put up with, I’ve already got enough thank you. I need to have lymphatic drainage done and we’ve found therapists who do this but we’ve been told I’d be best having a Vascular Assessment at the hospital first before doing so. After initially being reluctant to do so, my GP finally agreed to do a referral for me to see a Vascular Consultant after speaking to a Lymphoedema Specialist Nurse about me. Thing is though, this referral is still in the process of getting sent and I’ll then probably have to wait a further four to six weeks to be seen by this Vascular Doc. It’s all time and waiting when I’m desperate to get the drainage stuff on the go, which then brings me nearer being able to have physio for my ribs, back and pelvis. Had enough just waiting around to get better, want a career, girlfriend, my own house etc. It feels a bit like when my Dad died. At first you’re that much of a haze at the distressing news, you’re not really taking it all in. Then when the dust settles and the realisation of it starts to sink in, that is  when I got really upset about it. For eight weeks I’ve been that busy trying to conquer this cellulitis infection(caused through the lymphoedema) that now I’m over that, the life long sentence of having to put up with lymphoedema for life is causing me great distress.  I need to see progression soon to remain positive and strong willed about the future.

Back to my diabetes, maybe after my rant about my erratic blood sugars I should show this Amelia Lliy from X-Factor more compassion? I think suffering from diabetes is somewhere in the middle from my intial ‘oh it’s nothing’ stance, and her ‘it’s a major traumatic thing to suffer from'(I paraphrase her ha ha). Thing is I’m a black or white(or PINK haha) kind of person, there are rarely any grey areas or aspects to my life. I just wanted to vent my frustrations out loud and hope my thoughts resonate with other sufferers out there too!

Speak again soon, Andy.