What a diabolical week. Had a massive contamination O.C.D flare-up last Monday and was just starting to get over it when the bloody boiler brakes down and so for two days now we’ve had no heating or hot water. This as a consequence has made my O.C.D flare-up again……..LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH! I can have a shower due to the electric heating the water but the house is freezing, it’s almost unbearable given the very cold weather we are currently having. Problem is, we have not been able to find anybody who would come out today so I’m greatly fearing a very tough night ahead.  I’m dreading nobody being able to come tomorrow either and not getting the heating back til Monday or Tuesday. Being sooooooo cold and agitated is definitelty making Obsessive Compulsive Disorder worse. It’s making me constantly think I’m contaminating myself when in reality I am not, the whole episode is driving me around the bend. I just need the heating back on so normal service can be resumed. My O.C.D has sadly taken a turn for the worst however, it’s really getting me down at the moment.

The big O.C.D flare up then triggered my depression again. Depression at not being able to get on with my life still, due to one health setback after another. I see all my mates on social media getting on well with their lives, good jobs, kids, and in love with a special somebody. I want that too and I’m tired of waiting. I don’t mean to get jealous of them but I do, life doesn’t seem fair at the moment……….well it hasn’t seem fair for a long time if I’m completely honest. I’m not usually the depressive type, I am more of a ‘fight it’ sort of character but at the moment I do not seem to have much fight in me. I know there is no quick fix to my problems either, just got to be patient. I’M TIRED OF BEING PATIENT THOUGH, I WANT MY OLD LIFE AND SELF BACK NOW!

The only good news I’ve had this week is that my lymphogram scan date is much earlier than I first feared. I’m stuck not being able to get on with things until this scan is out of the way so getting a letter saying it’s on Jan 5th, was definitely a boost. The snob in me wishes it was at another hospital because where I’m having it done is a right dump, especially as it takes several hours apparently to have it done. It is also going to be tough day O.C.D wise due to loads of possible contamination reasons, but I’ll just have to fight it if is a means to getting my health issues moving forward. Regarding the lymphoedema in my lower legs, I couldn’t believe how better they have looked after having two long lie-ins in bed(due to raising my legs). Going to bed the following night my legs didn’t look too bad, it cheered me up yet also depressed me at the same time……..if that makes sense?

Latest update on the heating is that British Gas are supposed to becoming before the day ends. I just pray they do because it has gone freezing again, and I can definitely feel my O.C.D more on edge like this.  Just praying AGAIN that they can fix it when they come. If we require a new boiler then we are not going to get it fixed tonight………PLEASE LET THAT NOT BE THE CASE!