JUDGE : “Members of the jury do you find the defendant Mr Andrew Lloyd guilty or not guilty of having LYMPHOEDEMA…..FOR LIFE?”

Chief Juror :  “NOT GUILTY YOUR HONOUR!”

Reporter : “Screams from the gallery, Andy Lloyd looks stunned in disbelief at this verdict.”

Andy Lloyd : “But you told me I had it(he’s shouting across at the doctors that treated him), I’ve been carrying this depressing news around with me for the last SIX MONTHS….how could you do that to me???”

JUDGE : “SILENCE IN COURT….thank you members of jury, you may now leave!”

Reporter : “Incredibly emotional scenes here in court this morning. Andrew Lloyd still has the look of bewilderment on his face has he begins to make his way out of the courtroom.  He does not have to suffer with the medical condition LYPHOEDEMA for life now…….quite simply because HE HAS NOT GOT IT AFTER ALL!!  Quite incredible stuff this, I’ll now hand you back to Pepsi and Shirley back in the studio!”

 (END OF MY COMICAL TAKE ON MY RECENT TRIP TO THE HOSPITAL, WHERE I GOT TOLD MY LYMPHOEDEMA SCAN RESULTS!)

  Last summer I was really poorly….more than usual I mean.  It was one hot sticky summer’s evening and I remember scratching my itchy left foot, like you do.  The day after I was slightly alarmed to now see a bit of a red rash now on my foot.  I didn’t think I had scratched my foot that hard to cause such a reaction but just assumed I must have done.  Fast-forward forty-eight hours and this little rash had now ballooned in size massively.  It was all over my left foot now and was going up my shin and calf.  I also noticed I was getting it on my right lower limb too.  Apart from looking a mess it burned the skin terribly, my feet and legs literally felt ON FIRE!

  A few more days went by and I was now in absolute agony with this red burning rash.   I remember tweeting about it and somebody suggested to me that it sounded like a condition called cellulitis. Twenty-four hours later I was up at my local doctors and a nasty case of cellulitis was confirmed.  I was given a strong course of antibiotics(Clindamycin) and told it should settle down soon.

  The cellulitis definitely improved with the initial doses of Clindamycin but it failed to shift it completely.  Courtesy of my GP, I then ended up at my local hospital’s Acute Medical Unit ward to try and fully sort it out .  I saw the senior doctor on the unit and was told I needed to massively up the dose of the Clindamycin. He was alarmed however at how swollen my feet and lower legs were. Upon me leaving the hospital late that night he told me that my legs were red also due to all to excess water in them.  The fluid in my legs is not draining away properly thus making them puffy he said, leading him to suspect I had a condition called LYMPHOEDEMA!

  I finally got over that nasty bout of cellulitis but what was causing me most distress now was being diagnosed with lymphoedema(or as I thought back then).  I had been back to the Acute Medical Unit the week afterwards and had a Doppler leg scan which showed nothing.  I spoke to a senior doctor and once more it was suggested that lymphoedema seemed the most likely cause of my swollen lower limbs.  I booked to see my GP straight away, the brief research I had done up to that point about this medical condition made for VERY GRIM reading indeed!

  The next few months were really tough. I went into severe depression largely due to thinking I had yet another health problem to put up with for life, namely this lymphodema. I was diagnosed type one diabetic aged seventeen.  OCD and all the stresses and strains that causes has been with me since I was fifteen.  I had recurrent prostate infections and prostate cancer scares from the age of twenty-one to twenty-eight. These prostate infections have given me chronic pelvic pain which I am currently trying to get better from.  I have a disc problems in my lumbar spine(spondylolisthesis) together with severe soreness to my ribs and upper back.  I was desperate to get a lot better from all of these as it was, I just could not cope having something else to contend with.

  I remember seeing one of the doctors at my local surgery and discussing how compression stockings can aid lymphoedema sufferers.  It was not questioned whether I had lymphoedema or not, it was now seemingly taken for granted that I sadly had it.  I then spoke to a Lymphoedema Nurse on the phone and questioned her about a thing called Manual Lymph Drainage.  This is a massage done by specially trained therapists that is said to help lymphoedema sufferers.  I got told by this nurse that before I have this therapy done though, I should first see a Vascular Consultant at the hospital.  I need to know all is fine with my legs beforehand she said.

  I had an appointment with a Vascular Consultant last November.  Frustratingly, due to the clinic running very behind, I ended up having to see the Consultant’s Senior House Officer rather than the main man himself.  This young lady was very pleasant however and after looking at my legs she suggested I have something called a lymphogram done(scan of my lymph glands).  Again, at this stage it was not even remotely suggested by her that I might NOT have lymphoedema after all.  This scan was to see how bad my lymphoedema was.  I was told to delay having the manual lymph drainage done until they had seen my scan results.

  The lymphogram scan date was early Jan 2015. Therefore, all over the festive period I felt extremely down and depressed due to thinking I had this new lymphoedema thing for life.   I couldn’t stop worrying about next getting it in my genitals.  All I could thing about was a woman running a mile if she saw my bits all swollen.  This together with a bad OCD flare-up made me go to a very dark place.  I got that distressed that I almost self-harmed again(but didn’t), I’m also sad to say that I started to think about suicide once again.  Somehow I got through it however. I got through it due to the wonderful support from both my Mum and my new GP.

  I had the scan and then waited anxiously for a clinic appointment date for the results.  By the time the day came I had now come to terms with having lymphoedema for life.  It is not life threatening I thought to myself and even though my lower legs are quite swollen at times, I could have it a lot worse.  I just wanted them to reassure me that there was no signs of it in my genitals. I also just wanted them to finally ‘OK’ me having this manual lymphatic drainage thing done.  Once I had a few sessions of that, then the plan was to finally restart the much needed physio I need for my sore back and pelvis.  Waiting for them to ‘OK’ this massaging has been holding everything else up.  Once my back and pelvis improves then I’ll be more up for fighting the OCD a lot more too.

  I got the results last Thursday and to be honest it felt a bit like one those weird outer body experiences that you hear people go on about.  The appointment was under a different Vascular Consultant after the last one having left at Christmas.  After an hour of waiting I eventually got seen……I BRACED AND PREPARED MYSELF FOR THE WORST! “I’ve looked at your scan results and YOUR LYMPH NODES ARE FINE, YOU DON’T HAVE LYMPHOEDEMA” said this Chinese doctor in a somewhat brisk, shouty manner. I was stunned, quite literally stunned.  I could not believe what I had just heard, I asked him to repeat it so I could truly believe what he said this time. “You don’t need manual lymph drainage because YOU DON’T HAVE LYMPHOEDEMA”, he replied.  I think had my mouth wide open staring at him in shock. He further said that he never would have said I needed a lymphogram before having a leg vein scan, had I been under his original care.  I am down to have a scan of the veins in my legs in the coming weeks then.  Perhaps this can explain then why my lower limbs are so red and puffy.  I told him I have lumbar spine disc and pelvic pain issues and he seemed to give the impression that either of these things could be a possible explanation for it.

  I personally think it could be my spondylolisthesis(slipped vertebrate) to my lumbar spine which is to blame for the leg swelling, however it is only a guess at this stage.  There is nerve compression from the discs which gives me bad sciatica down my left leg.  Could just be a coincidence but my left leg which is most effected by this spinal nerve compression, is the leg which also has the most swelling and redness to it. Time will tell I guess.

  I walked out of hospital that day feeling like a man who had just been given a pardon after being on death row for the last six months.  I’ve been through the mill and back thinking I had ruddy lymphoedema.  I can not believe at some stage one health care professional did not cast any doubt on me potentially having it.  It feels like after that doctor on the Acute Medical Unit suggested lymphoedema, then everybody else just went with it too as the probable diagnosis.  I am sooooooo angry at the mental torture they have put me through.  I can not tell you though what a relief it feels like NOT to have it.  It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my very weary shoulders.  A few months back I thought life was no longer worth living because I couldn’t cope with having to suffer from yet another health problem.  The dark clouds are still there and there are still big battles ahead….BUT LEAST NOW I CAN SEE SOME CRACKS OF LIGHT POKING THROUGH THESE DARK CLOUDS AT LONG LAST. MAYBE LIFE IS WORTH STICKING WITH AFTER ALL….I’M NOT GUILTY OF SUFFERING FROM LYMPHOEDEMA, I AM NOT BLOODY GUILTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!