Ever felt truly petrified of walking through a city or town centre? I don’t mean because you’re scared of getting mugged or owt sinister like that, I mean because your whole being is crippled with fear that you might see or smell something ‘dodgy'(in my case sick)?  My life has been dominated by the latter feeling for the last six to seven years.  I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder severely right now and yesterday a potential nightmare, turned into a day of pure unadulterated ecstasy!

Yesterday was a big day for me because I had my first trip to see a hypnotherapist regarding my anxiety and OCD issues.  I was dreading going but this fear was countered by the motivation that I want my life back.  I want to start enjoying life once again, I want to be more like the person that I once was.  This person that I aspire to be once again never let his obsessions dominate and rule his life like they do at present.  I am fed up of JUST EXISTING, I want to start LIVING my life once more!

The hypnotherapy bit was stressful to an extent because I always worry about going to places that I have never been to before, i.e in terms of possible contamination.  The lady was lovely though and for about an hour we did a timeline and discussion about all my physical and mental health struggles over the years.

The actual therapy begins in my next session and I’m looking forward to it to be honest.  I have an open mind about most things in life, therefore I am willing to see if this lady’s techniques can help me in some way, shape, or form.  I know there are some people in the mental health community who don’t believe that hypnotherapy can help OCD but I have an open mind like I say.  I have Cognitive Behavioural Therapy lined up in the next few months so I have nothing to lose in seeing this hypnotherapist in the meantime.  I have nothing to lose and a load to gain even if she just helps me a little bit.  She also said that her techniques weren’t just limited to hypnotherapy either.  She said she had cured a woman who had OCD in just two sessions.  At this moment in time this all sounds too good to be true but I repeat once again, currently my mind is open to any form of help that exists out there.

After getting a taxi to the place(which is always traumatic for me at the moment), I decided I would try and get a Metrolink tram home.  The problem with this idea was that it meant walking right through the heart of Manchester city centre.  Up to yesterday, I had never been through a city or town centre for over half of a decade, I had avoided doing this like the plague and at all costs.  Here I was now though, somehow confronted with having to walk through Manchester to find the Deansgate tram station.  There were ‘dodgy’ looking stains on the pavement everywhere given the recent dry weather we’d had.  This set my anxiety levels shooting off sky high, then I kept getting funny(as in weird) ‘dodgy’ whiffs as I made my way through the streets.  I felt like a punch drunk boxer barely surviving and waiting for the knock out blow…..the ultimate contamination blow in my case.

By the time I had got home my anxiety had dropped a bit and I started fighting the OCD irrational side of me.  I was definitely going to go and see this hypnotherapist lady again I decided, even though the trip back home had been something of a nightmare.  Hours later I was nearly crying happy tears at what I had achieved that day.  I had unexpectedly done something which I thought I may never be able to do again.  Walking through a city centre is no big deal for any non mental health sufferer, but for me it was the biggest deal imaginable…..well almost.  I didn’t even immediately shower after getting back home either, which was another big tick in the box.  It felt like a breakthrough of sorts, it felt like maybe I do have a future after all!

Before I end this blog I want to comment on the amazing mental health community that exists on Twitter.  The support people give to each other on there is simply….AMAZING.  It reaffirms my faith in humanity and the support I got before and after my trip out into Manchester yesterday, well it meant an awful lot.  If any of you read this blog then I say thank you so much to you!

That’s it then, I just wanted to blog about my eventful day yesterday. The day I walked through Manchester city centre and it felt sooooo good……..EVENTUALLY!!!