I didn’t plan on writing another blog about my mental health so soon after writing the last one, however just now I just felt the urge to do so.  Yesterday was a bloody good day again with my OCD and emetophobia.  I’m chuffed to bits but also immensely frustrated at the same time.  Frustrated because I want to be fully better NOW.  Recovery is a long slow process though and so I need to remind myself of this whenever I’m feeling blue!

It all started yesterday when I left the house to go to my therapy appointment.  As usual I was in a rush for the bus.  A dear neighbour of ours shouted hello at me as I walked briskly past, they also enquired if I would like a lift to the end of our main road to the second bus stop that I had to get too?  The OCD in me said ‘no thanks’, but then I quickly turned around and to my shock ended up saying that ‘yes, I would like a lift actually, thank you’.

As I walked up the drive to get in the car it suddenly dawned on me that I had not thought this through properly.  My issue is worrying that I might smell, see or sit in vomit everywhere that I go.  Therefore, here I was now having somehow just agreed to get into a unfamiliar car, this really could have gone badly wrong and backfired on me.  Inside I was panicking, but I was doing the great ‘acting impression’ that I’m so accustomed to doing with my mental health.  I managed though, there was no nasty smells, there was no OCD disaster.  Unwittingly, I had exposed myself to this anxiety provoking situation BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, I HAD COME THROUGH IT!

Therapy went well and I loved telling my therapist about the exposure exercise that I had done the week before(see my last blog for that).  Going home was going to be the tricky bit though because I had promised my Mum that I would call in at the local supermarket to do some shopping for her.  It filled me with dread but my motivation was doing it for my Mum, the person in this world that has and will do anything for me.

Mum has been feeling unwell with a sore leg recently, so me offering to do some shopping for her on my way home was the least that I could do for her I thought.  OCD and emetophobia(fear of sick) wise though, supermarkets are not my most favourite place in the world to visit.  It was going to require me to fight my mental demons if I was going to successfully accomplish what I gone to do.  I went into ‘fight it Andy mode’ and to my amazement within minutes, I had filled up a big basket full of goods.  That alone felt like somewhat of an achievement to me because people put their baskets on the FLOOR whilst queuing up to pay, and here I was carrying one around with me and putting things in it.

All was going fine and dandy until I went to get some bags for my shopping from the checkout opposite.  I smelt something funny(I don’t mean in the hilarious sense) and for a moment I panicked what it was.  Nevertheless, it could have been anything so I quickly regrouped and started to pack my goods up from a self-service checkout.  Within minutes I was out the door(still fighting it) and my mission was complete……..almost.

I then decided to walk home with the shopping which was about half a mile.  In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the smartest of moves on my part what with a sore lower back and pelvis, but you see I wanted to end to day on a high.  Twenty minutes later I had made it home with the shopping………very red faced and completely out of breath(good workout though).

It just felt like another really good day with regards to my mental health.  I am getting more out there now, doing things that months before I wouldn’t have dreamt of doing.  I still have a long way to go with my recovery but days like yesterday do give me optimism and hope for my future.  I want to get better enough for me to be able work, hopefully meet somebody and maybe have kids in the future.  ONE STEP AT A TIME THOUGH I HEAR YOU ALL CRY AND I AGREE, YOU’RE RIGHT.  I’m slowly but surely though getting excited about life once again, yesterday was definitely ANOTHER GOOD DAY!