This is a blog that a few years ago I thought I would never ever be writing.  This is a blog where I am going to say how much going on mental health meds has saved my life!

The first time I tried going on medication for my severe OCD, was back when I was eighteen years old and doing my A-levels.  I was prescribed clomipramine but they made me too drowsy so had to come off them.  After that I decided to try and avoid taking medication, just treat my OCD with CBT(Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) I reasoned to myself.

Fast-forward to eight years ago and my OCD was the worst it has ever been in my life.  I was self-harming again and was starting to think about suicide once more.  I just could not see a way out of my depression and the ‘contaminated world’ that I seemingly found myself stuck in.  Therapy wasn’t helping and I’d unfortunately come across a really unhelpful psychiatrist.

As well as feeling suicidal, I was hell to live with back then.  I was snappy, on edge all of the time and I regret to say this, that I treated and spoke to my very close loved ones appallingly.  Thinking back now, I know I was ill(still am but to a lesser degree), but I’m ashamed and totally guilt-ridden at how I behaved towards the people that I loved the most.  Worst of all was that I was making my dear mother ill.

The breakthrough came around eighteen months ago when I asked for a second opinion regarding my mental health.  I prayed that a new mental team had to be better than the last dire lot I had seen.  I spoke to this lovely polite psychologist and again the issue of my mental health and medication came up.  I braced myself for an argument once I told him that I struggled taking any kind of medication, due to it aggravating my pelvic pain.

The psychiatrist then had a light-bulb moment and suggested I try the medication he wanted me to try in medicine/oral solution form.  To other mental health sufferers out there, if you’re not on medication then I really implore to try them long-term because it is one of the best things that I have ever done.  Quite simply, they have given me back my life!

Are they a cure to my severe OCD??? No they are not, but they are making me feel sooooooo much calmer and that I can cope with contamination flare-ups much better now.  Take last Thursday for instance.  I was on my way to see my physio and looked down and saw this brown mark on my trainer(I have a dog dirt phobia).  I started panicking and thinking that this appointment was now in jeopardy.  There was no way I could still go through with it now I immediately thought to myself, especially as I knew I’d be removing my footwear once I got there.

After about ten minutes of panic at the train station, I had calmed down enough to think, ‘ NO, F-OFF OCD, you’re not going to stop me seeing this physio that I most desperately need to see’.  I ended up going to the physios with this dodgy looking mark still on my trainer and ended up touching the trainer several times as I took it off and on.  My point here is, that I believe I primarily coped so well that day because the mental health medications are helping me soooooo much.  I take fluoxetine(serotonin) for my OCD and aripiprazole(dopamine) to help calm me down.

I have done some amazing exposures over the last six months and I really think it’s the meds that have tipped the balance in my favour finally.  By this, I mean that they’re enabling me to do such hard challenges.  Two years ago not on the meds, there is no way I would have sat down busses, shopped at supermarkets or walked around local shopping centres.  I am still in shock that I have arranged to meet up with my best friends over the next couple of months.

I guess I just want all of those people suffering out there with mental health conditions who are not on meds, to finally take the plunge and try them LONG-TERM.  I was worried about taking mine because I also have a phobia about being sick, but not once have they made me feel nauseous or unwell(these ones I’m on now I mean).  Yes, when I take too much aripiprazole it makes me feel drowsy but I now know how much does this to me.  Regarding this medication in particular, I have been told it can make you put on weight a bit.  This isn’t great but as it is helping me so much then I can definitely tolerate this.

For many years, I was a sceptic regarding mental health medication, however now I have completely come full-circle with them.  They have helped me so much that I cannot imagine life not taking them now.   Mental health meds have been my saviour, I hope they can be yours too!