Norovirus is not going to break me, it is going to make me! 

Two weeks ago for the first time in over 15 years, I was thinking some very dark thoughts again. I felt like my OCD recovery journey had collapsed all-around me and that I was a fraud. However, two weeks further on now and I am now feeling so much stronger, I want to live again!

For those of you who don’t know, I suffer from emetophobia (fear of sick and being sick).  My recovery journey has come a long way for the better, but catching norovirus two and a bit weeks ago really knocked me sideways. 

I gave in to my OCD obsessions which in turn made me feel like a recovery fraud. I am a loud voice on social media and in my work and personal life, about how better my OCD has become. Yet there I was washing carpets, throwing stuff away, it reminded me of how ill I once was.

Fast-forward a week, the norovirus was over but I started with severe depression.  I had not felt that depressed since I was 18. Suicide entered my head again out of nowhere and one night I almost started self-harming again. I don’t know what stopped me from doing the latter, but somehow I found the strength from somewhere to resist the urge.

Looking back, I am so grateful at people reaching out to me (unprompted) on my phone or on social media.  Out of nowhere, I had a sports journalist DM me on ‘X’(Twitter) writing such lovely kind words about me. A special mention must also go to an old school friend of mine who Whatsapped me about our mutual love of Manchester United.   

These two people with also the unrelenting love from my dear mum, kept me going when I almost checked out of life. As I write this blog right now, emotive tears fill my eyes at how happy I am once more. NEVER STOP BELIEVING THINGS CAN IMPROVE COS I’VE JUST PROVEN IT!

I know this sounds a bit daft, but I’m determined to try and turn this nightmare norovirus episode into a big positive. I have been overeating for years, eating what I want when I want and not caring about the consequences. I have been unhappy with my body shape for years but was not prepared to try and do anything about it.

It feels like I have had a lightbulb moment.  You know what I mean, it is like somebody has flicked a switch in me and I am super motivated now to lose weight by eating healthier. I HAVE HAD 10 SALADS OUT OF 14 DAYS, I have cut my meal portions down, and I have cut out all the rubbish I was eating before e.g. ice cream, chocolate bars, chocolate biscuits,. I feel better for it and have lost 4 pounds in weight already in just seven days.

I also have a new boss at work who is amazing.  For the past 2 weeks, I have started to look forward to going into work. I just feel such a happier person compared to the deeply upset one I was two weeks ago. 

My coping strategies were that I blogged about my mental torment (see my previous blog), I went to the gym twice, gardened and went to my sisters. I owe a debt of thanks to the musician Tom Walker, and his new song ‘Head Underwater’. It is a song about depression and mental health, and was just the right song at the right time for me.

This is my updated state of mind from how low I was feeling two weeks ago. I cannot believe how things have changed so quickly for the better.  It is early days I guess though and it is baby steps forwards still, but within them I have undoubtedly taken some giant ones too.

I am not naive though. I also realise that probably a good 10 days straight on my mental health meds since the norovirus, must have helped lift the gloom of my depression.

Extremely happy and thankful to be alive is how I feel right now. Love to you all and speak again soon, Andy! X