I wish my late dad, Harold Lloyd, could see me now. I wish he could see the man I have become. I wish I had him back in my life right now, even for just one fleeting moment!

Father’s Day this year (2024) seems harder for me than usual if I am honest. I cannot exactly put my finger on why though. Could it be that I have just come out of a major depressive episode (post norovirus)? Or, could it just be that it feels like I have had this ‘special day’ rammed down my throat this year, it is probably a mixture of the two?

I have not been quite right since my norovirus disaster about a month ago. I feel more vulnerable than usual. I feel more sensitive than usual. My emotions feel so close to the surface.

My dad died in October 1998, aged just 66. He died of fluid on the lungs. I can still vividly remember how horrifically upsetting it all was (things like that never leave you).

Things have happened in my life since, that I wish he could have been there for. He never saw me finally graduate for example. He never saw me dramatically improve from my crippling OCD. He also never saw me become a copywriter.

I know well-meaning people say consoling stuff like, ‘he’d be so proud of you Andy’. I do take some comfort from this, but never have I needed to believe this more than I do right now. I do not know why I need his praise more than ever(which I am never going to get now), but I just do. 

I hope he can see the good guy I have become? I’m proudly moralistic, have not got a prejudiced bone in my body, and as you may have guessed ha ha ha … I really like the man I have become. I wish I was less sensitive, but at the same time I love being a ‘wear my heart on my sleeve’ type… JUST LIKE MY DAD!

I have the same sense of humour as my late dad. It is a bit like that of Del-boy’s from Only Fools and Horses. I miss our shared deep passion for sport. I can remember playing a round of golf with him once and nearly wetting myself with laughter (our golfing skills were that bad). However, most of all, I just miss having a dad.

Before writing this blog I had no set structure in my head (you may have already guessed this). I am just hurting right now, so I wanted to write something about him in his honour. 

I really, really hope you can see me now and that you are proud of me? I love you, I miss you, and I will always be proud to call you MY DAD!