To mark World Mental Health Day, October 10th 2017, I thought I would do a blog about me no longer being ashamed or embarrassed at openly admitting that I suffer with OCD!
About six to seven years ago, I was having a course of CBT(Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and I can remember asking my therapist if she thought I should start blogging about my mental health?
I asked her this question because I was a bit scared to do so. I wanted to attack the stigma around mental health illness that existed in society back then, however deep down I was unsure of myself. You see, I was incredibly ashamed and extremely embarrassed to suffer from OCD(obsessive compulsive disorder).
I was ashamed and embarrassed, exactly because of this stigma regarding mental health. If I started blogging about my issues then wouldn’t people think less of me I thought? Would it harm my jobs prospects if people from work read my old blogs? What if somebody I fancied read about my mental torture, surely they’d run a mile and never see me as desirable wouldn’t they? I wanted to be brave and put myself out there but again half of me was too scared to.
Finally, I did take the bull by the horns and duly did my first mental health blog (I can’t remember the exact title of my OCD blog). I then did a second and a third blog about my mental health, but each time just before I pressed ‘publish’, I would become all ashamed and embarrassed again. I still worried too much about the stigma and what people might think of me in a prejudicial manner ,i.e that I was nutjob, fruitcake, somehow a lesser human being because I had a mental health illness.
How did I stop feeling like this? Well, up to that point I had never spoken to anybody else who had a severe mental health illness like mine. I felt like ‘Andy the special one’ and this made my OCD feel so isolating and soul destroying. My OCD is like an irrational bully at times, therefore non-suffers can only relate to my feelings so much. It was only when I went on to Twitter and hooked up with people on there who were in a similar position as myself, that my feelings of shame and embarrassment began to lessen thank goodness.
Social media quite rightly gets a bad press at times, however the finest aspect of it for me has been becoming friends with people on there in the mental health community. I can distinctly remember reading some direct messages from a fellow sufferer and weeping in relief that I no longer felt alone. This person experienced life the way I had been for years and as upsetting as it was to read their suffering too, it was also immensely comforting to no longer feel on my own.
The more time I spent on Twitter, then the more and more I communicated with people who had similar issues to mine. The love and support on there(from relative strangers lets not forget), has truly been incredible. I have done certain exposures these past few months and their lovely response has been overwhelming at times. These wonderful people made me realise that I should never feel ashamed or embarrassed in admitting to people that I suffer with mental health issues………NEVER!
As I have become less scared about openly talking about my mental health issues, I have thus now started blogging more and more about my recovery journey. The response to my blogs and updates on Facebook and Twitter has truly been amazing. People out there really care about how I am doing which is such a lovely thing to experience.
The point of this blog was to just sort of shout it from the rooftops how I have now come full circle, with regards to no longer feeling ashamed or embarrassed in openly admitting that I suffer from mental health issues. It feels so liberating to feel like this now. What better way to celebrate this I thought than to document it like I have here on World Mental Health Day, October 10th 2017!
DON’T SUFFER A MENTAL HEALTH ILLNESS IN SILENCE. NO LONGER FEEL ASHAMED OR EMBARRASSED LIKE ME!