COLD FEET MIGHT BE UNUSUAL IN SEPTEMBER, BUT OH WHAT A JOYOUS, GLORIOUS COMEBACK! ‘COLD FEET’ – Series 6, episode 1 review. 05/09/16.

Posted on September 11, 2016 by SCARFMAN

TV show comebacks are not always guaranteed to be a roaring success.  For example,  no more Only Fools and Horses should have been made after Del and Rodney FINALLY became millionaires.  The remake of Dallas was an unmitigated disaster and I presume those involved in the revival of the soap opera Crossroads, don’t work in television anymore due to it being that bad.  Therefore, I was nervous about Cold Feet coming back onto our screens this past week.  I longed for it not to be a stinker, I didn’t want my much treasured memories of this utterly brilliant comedy-drama to be ruined!

After ITV1 had a somewhat unexpected summer hit this year with ’80s comedy-drama Brief Encounters, I did then wonder if they had unwittingly set themselves up for a fall here with regards to the scheduled return of Cold Feet.  By this, I mean if Cold Feet wasn’t that great, then airing them both so closely together would only serve to further magnify Cold Feet being a flop.

The great news for my late ’90s nostalgia is that this Cold Feet comeback was an absolute triumph.  The writing was top-notch, the acting was fantastic and the music throughout was sublime.  The show even managed to retain its slightly quirky feel that I adored so much about it when it was first on.

Barring the one bit of overacting by James Nesbitt(as Adam, when telling off his son Matthew at his school),  the rest of his performance and those of the other cast members were great.  Fay Ripley as Jenny, reminded us all just what a fantastic talent she is.  The thought struck me whilst watching,  why have we not seen her in more things on the telly over the years because she has this really likeable earthy quality to her acting.

The massive hole in the cast so-to-speak, was obviously no Helen Baxendale as Rachel(this character died at the end of series 5, Adam’s wife and Matthew’s mother).  Therefore, it was pivotal to the success of this first episode that the new cast members who filled in this void of no Helen/Rachel, were up to scratch.  Actress Karen David as Angela, Leanne Best as Tina and Cel Spellman as Matthew, all deserve a major congratulations for their first class performances here.  I thought I would miss Rachel a lot more than I did so writer and creator Mike Bullen needs to receive high praise for this.

With regards to the brilliant writing, I first want to comment on a scene very early on in the episode that featured Pete going to pick Adam up at Manchester Airport.  We saw these two best mates embrace one another and then Adam affectionately refer to Pete as Denis Law, the former Manchester United football great(because both are avid Man United fans).  As I watched this scene for a second time of these two characters lovingly hug each other, it was then that it struck me how their embrace could sort of be seen as like a metaphor between the programme and its audience, i.e Adam representing all those involved in the making of the show and Pete representing us the viewers, with the hug signifying how great it was to see one another again after all those years apart!

The plot centered Adam returning back to Manchester after years of working abroad and announcing to the gang that he was getting married to a woman from Singapore called Angela Zubayr.   The alarming thing for his close friends Pete, Jenny, Karen and David, was that he had only known his future bride-to-be for six months.  Throw in a heart-attack THAT WASN’T a heart attack as well as Adam having problems with with his young teenage son Matthew, and the superb all-round quality of the script reminded me just exactly why I had become such a massive of fan of this late ’90s comedy-drama in the first place. The script was funny, it was punchy and at times beautifully moving without ever being overly sentimental.

What I really loved about this comeback episode was that there seemed to be a funny comment or joke in almost every scene.  For example, when Adam first met his new landlady Tina(where he pretended to be her taxi driver), they had this very amusing opening exchange where she joked with him,

Tina:  “Shouldn’t really be out”.

Adam:  “You not well”?

Tina:  “Oh, just a touch of THRUSH”!

It was just a funny gag that instantly made me smile and immediately made me warm to this new character in Tina.  As Cold Feet is set in Manchester then much of the humour had a northern quality to it. i.e funny mickey taking banter.  I thought Robert Bathurst played an absolute blinder throughout as funny snob David, and Pete looking ridiculous in a chauffeur’s hat was a very funny scene.  The sharp writing kept me laughing and smiling all the way through.

Amidst all the humour and in line with the comedy-drama genre, there were also some beautifully moving scenes too without ever going over-the-top.  The most emotive one for me was when Adam and Matthew were stood outside their old family home discussing Rachel.  I thought James Nesbitt was brilliant in his touching portrayal of a widower who after fourteen years still deeply missed his late wife.   It was sad yet at the same time it was a lovely scene.

In relation to that emotional scene that I just talked about, it began with us hearing a gloriously emotive tune called ‘Open Up Your Door’ by Richard Hawley.  Its intensely moving lyrics really helped to emotionally set up the extremely moving dialogue that we then heard from Adam.  This underlined to me yet again just how significant music is to the make up of this show.  I love the quirky sounding theme tune and the background music throughout helped to energise the narrative.  Another example of this was when we heard uplifting orchestral music as we watched Matthew play rugby at school.

Without a shadow of a doubt, this was a joyous, glorious comeback for Cold Feet.  The question I therefore ask is, who does indeed like Cold Feet in September???? The answer I give to you my friends is most definitely, I DO, I DO, I DO and I hope you do too!! 4/5.

 

 

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WILTY IS THE BEST PANEL SHOW ON TV….AND THAT’S THE TRUTH! ‘Would I Lie to You?’. Episode 1 review, series 10. 02/08/16.

Posted on September 8, 2016 by SCARFMAN

  Would I Lie to You? on BBC One is the best comedy panel show on TV by a country mile!

You know you have enjoyed a programme when the ending credits roll yet it seems like you’ve only been watching it for about five minutes.  You know you must have enjoyed a programme when you can think back to the countless times that it made you smile and chuckle throughout.  This is what I was like when seeing the first episode of the new series of WILTY last week!

That are a few factors as why this show works as well as it does.  Firstly, comedian Rob Brydon is superb in his role as host.  Rather than just being a boring stooge to the very funny team captains David Mitchell and Lee Mack, Rob is as integral to the humour as much as they and the funny stories that we hear are.  I am thinking here in this episode of when he amusingly shadow boxed with former heavyweight champion of the world David Haye and commented that David must be very tall because he himself is 6′ 1”(the joke here being that Rob is sort of renowned for being on the rather short side).

Alongside Rob in this new series were usual team captains, comedians David Mitchell and Lee Mack.  These two comedy performers could not be better suited for their roles in this show. They gel and work so well together because they are the polar opposites of each other.  For instance, David is southern, middle class, posh and an intellect with a very dry sense sense of humour.  Lee on the other hand is your working class northerner who is loud, mickey taking and full of constant banter.  Rather than irritatingly compete with one another they brilliantly compliment one another on the humour front.

The format of the show is a bit like a funnier version of that classic old lunchtime panel show Call My Bluff.  The aim of the game is for each team to work out if the stories they hear from the opposing team are indeed fact or fiction.  If they guess wrong then the point goes to the other team.  There are three rounds which are “home truths”, “this is my…” and “quick-fire lies”.  It is a fast paced show and none of these rounds drag, they all seem to work.

The score and which team wins is sort of an irrelevancy though.  The primary aim of the show is to make us laugh which it does in abundance.

I cried with laughter as Lee Mack’s two team members in this first episode, reenacted a scene from one of their stories.  Martin Kemp in round three told the story of how once on holiday he ended up dislocating his shoulder after being flipped over whilst lying on a lilo in a swimming pool.  Post shoulder operation in the recovery room, this rather large female Spanish nurse hugged him because he shouted out at the time that he was cold.  Comedienne Mel Giedroyc stated how she would help reenact this scene(due to her crush on him), although she then did need a little persuading from Rob Brydon to do this.   Their amusing exchange went,

Mel: “Can I just say, I am only half, half dressed. I can’t reveal daywear”.

Rob: “Even if it’s to lie on Martin Kemp”?

Mel: “Yeah go on, I’ll reveal daywear”.

This then involved the highly amusing sight of Mel in dungaree bottoms(a fancy blouse on her top half) coming around the desk and diving on top of Martin who was lay on the floor pretending to be in pain and cold, and then her cuddling him like this nurse did.  It was a bit like one of those really funny moments that we used to regularly see on The Generation Game with Brucie.   It was all good natured fun where they did not try too hard to be funny, it just was!

The second round is probably my most favourite part of show, it’s the mystery guest round(aka as “this is my…”).  This involves an ordinary member of the public standing next to Rob as all the members from one team then detail how they know this person.  In this episode it was David Mitchell’s team who gave three amusing stories as to how they knew Carlos.  Boxer David Haye said Carlos was a school teacher and that he knocked him down by accident via doing a boxing demonstration in front of some school kids at his gym.  Comedian Romesh Ranganathan stated how Carlos led him to momentarily abandon his strict vegan diet by eating a lavish dessert that he presented him with.  David had the most amusing story where he stated how Carlos was a pizza delivery man and after dropping off the pizza, then helped him to assemble a bed.

Regarding round two but also to make a more general point about the show, a lot of the humour generated in it is dependent on the panelists playing their roles really well.  They have to buy into their roles and not laugh their heads off whilst delivering their outlandish anecdotes.  Fair play to sportsman and non-actor David Haye for giving a very convincing performance and fooling all of Lee’s team in round two.

What I like about WILTY is that unlike with some other panel shows that I could mention, it feels like we are all laughing together.  Nobody is really laughing at somebody else’s expense.  There are no irritating ‘alternative comedians’ constantly spouting unfunny comments as they try to make a name for themselves off the back of appearing on WILTY.  The host laughs, the panelists laugh and we the audience laugh. It has an all-round positive feel about it that thus makes it a joy to watch!

This programme rightly deserves all the plaudits that it gets because you don’t get TV panel shows any better than this.  I tell no LIES here with this statement, just simply the TRUTH!! 5/5.

 

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MEDIOCRE MOUNT PLEASANT! ‘Mount Pleasant’ – Series 6, episode 1 review. 30/08/16.

Posted on September 4, 2016 by SCARFMAN

Three or four years ago Manchester based comedy-drama Mount Pleasant on Sky Living(now Sky One), was one of my favourite programmes on the telly.  It regularly used to make me laugh and I loved its likeable Manchester charm(I’m a Mancunian).  In many ways it felt to me like a B or C-list version of Cold Feet, I mean this in a good way though.

Nevertheless, I found the last series(series 5) of Mount Pleasant a bit of a struggle which led me to question if this show had perhaps now run its course, i.e run out of ideas? Last night I saw episode one of the new series and again I found most of it rather dull and boring.

It has never been a fast paced show but this has never bothered me that much in the past because the characters and narrative have always been captivating and enjoyable to watch(barring most of series 5).  I didn’t feel this way about it last night though. It was perfectly watchable but I found myself drifting off and thinking about others things as I watched it.

The main action in this opening episode focused on Lisa(Sally Lindsay) getting into a state because her and Fergus’s(Neil Fitzmaurice) recruitment firm had been nominated in the ‘gazette small business awards’.  Problem being that the guy on the judging panel who payed them a visit ,Adam Wyatt(James Lance), was obnoxious and seemingly a rather big sexist too.

After having a near fatal heart attack and leaving his job as a vicar in the last series, we saw Roger(James Dreyfus) pretending to be a successful author to his friends. In reality he  was skint and working in a cafe doing the washing up.

Regarding Tanya(Samantha Womack) and Greg(Adrian Bower), it seems that their impending marriage is doomed. For example, she had not written out any of their wedding invitations and when she did, we saw her write the name of her ex-husband on one of them.  Talking of which, her ex husband Bradley(Nigel Harman) has taken over the local Dog and Duck pub and he seems to be on the level for the time being at least.

Dan(Daniel Ryan) with Barry(Bobby Ball) went to pick up his Dad Charlie from the Liverpool docks but yet again he did not turn up.  You sort of guessed this was going to happen this after his Mum Pauline(Paula Wilcox), kept telling everybody just how much she was looking forward to going away and seeing Charlie’s band on tour.

The only other main storyline was about policeman Cameron Miller(Patrick Robinson) being made to take a new recruit under his wing.  This character was Ollie Oliver(Jordan Dawes), who was your stereotypical naive new recruit much to Cameron’s exasperation.

The problem with most of these narrative strands was that they were pretty boring as I have already highlighted.  I have a particular issue with the Tanya, Bradley and Ella(Nicola Millbank) characters, the latter being their daughter.   Firstly, I find Tanya and Ella as dull as dishwater.  I also do not like the character Bradley so therefore have no real interest watching him. He is not a convincing ‘baddie’ to me.  I don’t buy how much Dan is so scared of him either.  Rather than being funny when these two characters interact it comes across as corny instead.

Not only is the writing not a good as it once was but Mount Pleasant also badly misses some of its earlier characters that are no longer in it.  When the show was in its prime the fantastic actress Pauline Collins was it where she played Lisa’s mum Sue.  The loving, sweat and endearing dialogue that her and Bobby Ball (as her husband Barry) shared was really delightful stuff to watch.  Angela Griffin’s character Shelly is also a big miss together ditzy-brained Bianca who was played by Sian Reeves.

The shining light in the first episode was actress Ainsley Howard who plays the VERY ditzy character Denise.  All of her scenes made me smile.  She was involved in the funniest scene too.  For example, when Adam Wyatt(from the award panel) arrived at their office, Lisa told Denise to come out and tell her that she had a very important phone call to take.  Rather than saying some important business client had rung up, Denise said,

“Er Lisa, there’s a phone call for you….it’s the ARCHBISHOP”!!

I actually laughed out loud at this joke, just a pity that there weren’t more moments in it like this.

I may have moaned quite a bit about this episode however there were two scenes in particular that verged on really annoying me.  In two scenes the new PC Ollie Oliver, appeared to show signs of suffering from contamination Obsessive Compulsive Disorder(OCD).  For example, we saw him put some of his things in his work locker all neat and tidily.  This was then followed up with him wiping his locker with a wet wipe and holding the key in a wet wipe as he dropped into either his bag or pocket.  Later on in the pub after he had greeted Cameron’s wife Jenna(Nicola Hughes) he made this big thing of getting wet wipes out to wipe his hands.  What annoyed me is that the programme appeared to slightly mock OCD.

I say these two scenes appeared to mock OCD because of the reaction on Cameron’s face afterwards.  Without a shadow of a doubt, with the first example Cameron gave a look of amused bemusement.  In an age today when the social stigma regarding mental health is trying to be eradicated by various parties, such scenes in fictional television programmes do not help this cause.  I sincerely hope it is a red herring and that it’s made to look like this character has OCD when in fact him wiping his hands is to do with something else.  However, if Ollie does indeed have OCD and it is not more sensitively handled even in a comedy drama such as this, then the writer/s of this show rightly deserve major criticism.

To sum it up then, I did not hate this first installment of series six but as I have discussed, I found most of it decidedly MEDIOCRE.  It needs to improve in the coming weeks and get back to being as good as it once was.  I fear this desire of mine won’t happen though……I fear MEDIOCRE with Mount Pleasant is THE ONLY THING THAT WE ARE NOW GOING TO GET!! 3/5.

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THE ANT AND DEC OF FOOTBALL…….SORT OF! ‘Class of ’92: Out of Their League. Series 2, episode 1 review.

Posted on August 31, 2016 by SCARFMAN

Television sports documentaries do not get much better than this.  I loved the first series last year and thoroughly enjoyed the recent opening episode of series two.

It focuses on the goings on at semi-professional football side Salford City FC, who are owned by five famous ex-footballers from Manchester United dubbed the ‘Class of ’92’.  I found it interesting, funny and also surprisingly moving to watch at times.   I enjoyed it that much that already I hope that the BBC decide do a third series next year.

I need to declare very early on here that I am from Manchester(right next door to Salford) and have been a Manchester United fan since I was a young boy.  Therefore, Salford City FC co-owners Ryan Giggs, Nicky Butt, Paul Scholes, Gary and Phil Neville(those in the Class of ’92) are all heroes of mine.  My appreciation of this show though goes way beyond my fandom of Manchester United and these former players.  It is brilliantly put together and at it’s heart it is about the immense power of dreams and strength of community spirit.  From the lowly paid players and co-managers to the unpaid volunteers who help run the club purely out of their sheer love of it, it’s a story rooted in working class aspiration which therefore makes you automatically want to root for them and their minor football team.

As just touched upon, this show has mass appeal because it is not just solely about the actual football games that Salford City played last season. i.e that would have made for a very boring documentary if it had have been.  Over the course of this first episode we learnt more about the lives of some of the people that are involved with the club.  For example, we discovered just how close a relationship the co-managers Bernard Morley and Anthony ‘Jonno’ Johnson have with one another.  They reminded me of a footballing version of the great Ant and Dec. ‘Jonno’ spoke about his great bond with Bernard when he told us,

“being in charge of a football club with me best mate is er, chasing a dream”.

We also learned more about the life of volunteer Jim Birtwhistle and how much the club has changed in the last few years from his perspective. Jim recalled how he could remember three years ago only getting forty-seven people through the turnstiles yet they’d just had fourteen hundred.

I enjoyed getting to know more a bit more about big centre-half Steve Howson who seemed a really decent bloke.  We learnt about his day job at a plastics factory and how proud his grandparents were of seeing him play football on the telly soon.   Getting more of an insight into this player therefore made it more of an emotionally powerful scene, when he later spoke in an upset state about them just having been knocked out of the FA Cup.

There were four main story strands in this first episode.  Number one, was about Salford City’s best ever achievement in the FA Cup after them getting through to round two.  Number two, was the impending marriage of co-manager Bernard to his long-term partner Gemma. Third, was the life of star striker Gareth Seddon and his ongoing frustrations about not being able to play football due to injury and then not being selected.  The final story worthy of note featured likeable “Babs” Gaskill, after her kitchen(she has run the snack bar for twenty-six years) was only given a one star hygiene rating by inspectors.

This story about “Babs” featured a funny line from her and underlined why humour is such an important aspect of this documentary. For example, she joked to us,

“there was no rats, there was no mice, I put them in the cupboard”.

This joke by her is a brilliant example of the working class Mancunian sense of humour which is part of me too.  Up here we do not take ourselves too seriously.  It is a humour based on taking the mickey out of each other as well as yourself.  Later on we once again witnessed this chirpy Manc banter as Bernard joked that ‘Jonno’ only usually wears suits when appearing in court.

In a similar vein to a good comedy drama, this documentary also had several moments that were rather moving which was a bit of a surprise to me.  Star striker and part-time model Gareth Seddon might have come across at times like the village idiot however he had several emotive scenes.  He recalled how when he was younger he was at professional division one club with a seemingly glittering career ahead of him in the game.  He then got struck down with a rare blood disease which made him have to quit playing for two and a half years.  At one stage the doctors thought he might not make it he added.   I don’t think this story about Gareth was overplayed emotionally by the makers of the documentary. Instead, it was an interesting dramatic story which added balance to more light-hearted moments that we saw.

Another unexpected poignant moment came from Bernard’s soon-to-be wife Gemma when she stated near the end,

“football is more important to Bern, definitely more important.  I would like to think I was number one but I know I’m not”.

This statement accompanied by some sad tune from the eighties and I nearly filled up(my eyes) , it was like watching that episode Neighbours when Kylie finally married Jason.  I joke here but on a serious level it was a rather moving scene.  Here was this woman determined to stick by her man even though she suspected he loved football more than her.

The music featured in this first episode was a big reason why I enjoyed it so much.  Not only did it serve to accentuate a certain mood like all background music on TV does, but here it also helped to invigorate and propel the some of the proceeding action forwards that we then saw.  A good example of this was when we saw Bernard and ‘Jonno’ traveling to a match in the car, listening to that classic eighties booming tune ‘Dignity’ by Deacon Blue.

 My favourite musical segway in programme though was when we joined the team on the team bus traveling to a game with them all singing ‘Forever in Blue Jeans’ by Neil Diamond.  We saw them singing it again when they were in their changing room and so I got the distinct feeling then that this was their ‘team song’.  It was that catchy a tune and completely unknown to me prior to hearing it that I’ve now been singing it daily ever since….a song by Neil Diamond and I’m only in my late thirties!!!!

All in all I could not fault this first episode of series two.   It wasn’t incredible but nevertheless it was a really enjoyable sixty minute watch.   It was funny, moving, I liked the music and it is based around a sport that I love. That said, I don’t think you necessarily have to be Manchester United fan or a fan of the Class of 92′ players in order to enjoy it.  Away from these five millionaire footballers it’s about real ordinary working class people who all share a passion and love for their Salford City Football Club.  Great watch for me! 4/5.

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MY MILD CASE OF BOBOS(BORED OF BAKE OFF SYNDROME) HAS BE CURED…… FOR THE TIME BEING AT LEAST! ‘THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF’, episode one review, 2016.

Posted on August 28, 2016 by SCARFMAN

Last year I self diagnosed myself with a mild to moderate case of BOBOS(BORED OF BAKE OFF SYNDROME).  Towards the end of series six of The Great British Bake Off I had grown really tired of this very formulaic show.  In fact I had become that bored of it that I think I only watched half of the final.  Series seven started last Wednesday night on BBC1 and I was not sure how I felt about its return before it aired.  I had to watch it though didn’t I, namely because it felt like everybody else who lived in United Kingdom would be too.

As the ending credits rolled I am pleased to announce that I am now FREE of BOBOS.  Yes, as expected it was all very samey again but I had enjoyed watching it.  I do not think that it is the greatest TV show that has ever been made, however I do love the quintessentially British nature of it.  For example, I love the glorious leafy green Welford Park setting.  I love all the Union Jack bunting that is proudly on display in the marquee where the bakers bake.  I love the lack of vulgarity amidst the odd amusing innuendo or two.  Only in Britain could we have invented a show where people CRY over baking a cake for crying out loud but I also love this aspect about it.

This first episode started off well due to some of the contestants in the intro saying amusing things such as, “I have shouted at pie” and “the last time I was this nervous I was about to give birth”.   There was definitely an aura of ‘the spectacle’ about the show.

We were told that there would be twelve contestants on the show this year.  The judges as always were Paul Hollywood(now aka Mr Dunker) and the people’s cake Queen Ms Mary Berry.   Comediennes and double act Sue Perkins and Mel Giedroyc were the presenters once again.  This comic due are as central to the success of this show as Paul and Mary are in my opinion.  The humour that they provide is an essential aspect of the show.   Mel(who is the funnier of the two for me) reminds me at times of the late, great Victoria Wood. I guess I cannot pay her any greater compliment than this.

They started off the series doing ‘Cake Week’ and their first signature bake was to make a drizzle cake(Paul’s favourite apparently).  It was in this first segment that we got introduced to all of the new contestants.  First up was Val, who is a retired head mistress from Somerset.  I absolutely adored her with all of her amusing eccentricities.  Already I think we have seen my favourite bit of series seven when Val stated,

“and I listen to my cakes and they’re not ready….they sing and they say, not ready, not ready”!

Got to be honest and admit that PE teacher Candice got right on my wick throughout this first episode.  I think it was a combination of her being very over-the-top, appearing to like the sound of her own voice a bit too much and crying at the end because she thought she might be going home due making a right pigs ear of her genoise, i.e she made a rubbery sponge.

For their technical challenge the contestants were asked to bake twelve Jaffa cakes.  The highlight of this section was when a somewhat affronted Mary Berry looked on in horror as Paul Hollywood DUNKED one of these cakes in a cup of tea.  Almost with a straight face Mary said to Paul, “we don’t do that in the South you know”.

As usual with the technical, the efforts of the bakers were judged blind and ranked from worst to best.  Ghanaian born and that chilled he could have charmed the pants off a rolling pin and a Jaffa cake….AT THE SAME TIME, Selasi came first.  Again, we had the tension building orchestral music as the contestants rushed to finish in time. I loved the post match, I mean post technical bake comments.  It was like the baking version of Match of the Day, I was waiting for one of the bakers to say something like, “well it was a Jaffa cake bake of two halves but I’m sure I’ll find the back of the net soon, I mean oven”!

The final round as usual was the all important showstopper.  This week is was all about them baking a mirror glaze cake.  We had the intense drama(not really) of seeing if any of the bakers under or over cooked their genoise cakes.  Repeatedly,  initial poor efforts were thrown across the tent and dumped in the bin, this was high-octane stuff this!

I enjoyed watching it in all seriousness.  I mock them for crying over making a rubbery sponge, but if the bakers did not care as passionately as they do then this show would not work as well as it does.  At the heart of this show is a sense of pride.  Pride in our cultural, historical and cooking heritages which have thus shaped us as people and this makes for an interesting watch at times.  It would be a pointless watch if the contestants did not really care about the state of the things that they baked.

After all the cooking was done it was decided that garden designer Jane from Kent, was star baker for week one.  Contrastingly, after three pretty lame efforts church minister Lee from Bolton was on his way home and the first person to be eliminated.

I do wish the producers though would change the sad music bit which accompanies the elimination news .  This is because some years ago I watched an exceptionally moving documentary about the Holocaust by Claude Lanzmann called Shoah.  It’s an outstanding piece of work but throughout it has a similar violin/strings sequence to this closing bit of music that we hear on every episode of The Great British Bake Off. Therefore, I think of this brilliant but at the same time traumatic documentary every time I see somebody going home from The Great British Bake Off……..JUST FOR MAKING RUBBISH CAKES argh ,i.e poles apart mood and subject matter wise.

By the end I had really enjoyed seeing this programme return.  I duly checked myself for symptoms of BOBOS(BORED OF BAKE OFF SYNDROME) and could not find any to my great relief.  Hooray, I have been CURED I think…….WELL, FOR THE TIME BEING AT LEAST! 4/5.

 

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“SURPRISING, DEMANDING AND UNCOMPROMISING QUESTIONS”….ADD TO THAT, RATHER BORING TOO! ‘500 QUESTIONS’, Episode one review!

Posted on August 24, 2016 by SCARFMAN

At the start of this new quiz show that aired last Monday night on ITV1 at 9pm, host Giles Coren stated how the contestants had “no help, no hints, nowhere to hide”.  This was an obvious dig at Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and an immediate attempt to tell us all how this following show was going to be different from it.

The problem with this statement though is that 500 Questions was like a million other quiz shows that we have already seen on the television before, including Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.  It was like a poor man’s version of The Chase combined with poor man’s Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.  It was not a disaster of a show but it needed to be more original in terms of it’s format, set design and music for it to be given a prime time slot in the  schedules like it has.  As the ending credits rolled I wrote one word down that best summed up how I felt about this show and that word was……”DULL”!

The format of this show was based around one golden rule, “do get get three questions wrong in a row”.  Just in case we might forget this fact Giles Coren kept reminding the contestants this, again and again and AGAIN!  If the contestants got three questions wrong in a row then they were then eliminated from the game and ‘the challenger’ took their place. The aim of the game was to be the person there in control of the game once all fifty questions had been asked.  This person would be declared the winner and so duly win the cash prize that had been building up throughout the show via correct answers being given.

The questions were blocked into various categories and each had five questions to them, e.g Kings and Queens, Winter Sports, Poetry.  The supposed drama in the format was meant to come from the so-called “traps”. These consisted of Battle Rounds, Lightning Rounds and Triple Threat Rounds.  I guess they did help to break up the monotony of Coren asking the standard regular questions.  My only issue was that it took me three quarters of the show before I fully understood what all these traps meant.

Talking of these traps I need to highlight at this point an absolutely ridiculous piece of dialogue that Coren said to contestant Mickie, an elderly woman who was in her seventies.  Coren said to her, “step into BATTLE….be on your metal”.  You would have thought with such words that he was preparing Mickie for a fight against Mike Tyson rather than her merely answering a few general knowledge questions.  I realise the main purpose of such dramatic language was to try and ramp up the tension as much a possible but for me it over-the-top and corny!

With regards to the host Giles Coren, I am still puzzled as to why a reasonably famous restaurant critic such as him got given the gig of hosting this general knowledge quiz show on prime time telly? He was not terrible but he wasn’t that great either.  In the first half he started to irritate me when he slightly mocked the contestants for saying silly things.  I’m thinking here of when he pulled up Nu for mistakenly saying “Cutty SHARK” rather than Cutty Sark.  It was harmless fun for Coren but it still grated on me nevertheless.

On the other hand and to be fair to Coren,  he did say the odd witty remark and was very supportive towards Mickie at the end.  I just think somebody who was more familiar at doing humour and who was also less posh would have been a better fit as host.   Sounding as posh as Giles does, for me it made him come across a bit condescending at times as well as a bit like a school prefect.  He is obviously a very clever bloke but he was about as dull as the overall show was!

The set and lighting were straight out of the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and The Chase manual, e.g screens everywhere as well as darkness contrasted with bright, light colourful lighting in order to try and make the show look as dramatic as possible.  Both of these aspects were way over-the-top though.  I can remember thinking whilst I watched, crikey there are more lights and colours on show here than you get on a trip to Blackpool Illuminations.  It was all just a big too much, especially if you were watching this with a bad head.

Talking of the set and this is also a negative about the format too, I found it utterly bizarre how the contestants were introduced to us.  As Coren introduced them three supposedly SPELLBINDING and IMPRESSIVE facts about them were flashed up on a screen(that was high up in the air).  The problem with this though was that some of the facts about the contestants were not that impressive.  Some of the things these people had done such as be a children’s author and win a positive role model award are very admirable so don’t misunderstand me here.  However, how is saying somebody was born in Hong Kong or another having one A-level supposed to bowl me over in amazement???  Again, I just found this aspect of the show a bit silly.

Another moan about the format is that I did not understand why challenger Liam could not come back on the next episode to have his eventual go at trying to win the money(the new cash prize).  At the end of this first show elderly lady Mickie won the money at the end and so was told by Coren how she would be returning the day after to continue playing the game.  I got that but did not get why the challenger had to be changed, i.e seemed harsh on young Liam.

My final issue with this first episode of 500 Questions was that in light of the big sums of money that we have seen people win on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, twelve thousand pounds to the winner Mickie therefore did not seem enough.  It did seem enough for me as a viewer after sticking with this show for an hour.  It is good money but it’s not a life changing amount.  It would have been a far more pulsating dramatic watch if the contestants had stood the chance to have won say at least fifty thousand pounds by the end.

Amidst all my moaning about this show I did find myself enjoying it somewhat towards the end.  I found myself rooting for Mickie(who seemed a lovely sweet old lady) and wanted her to walk away with the cash prize.  Her Lightening Round near the end was quite tension filled because she got so close to being eliminated from the game after appearing so close to winning it.  When she was declared the winner of the game(with tears in her eyes) I sat there watching it smiling like a Cheshire cat.  Therefore, this quiz show had finally drawn me in but it’s just a shame that it took so long to do this.

I did not dislike this show enough to hate it but at the same time I did not rate very highly either.  It would have been far better being shown at 5pm rather than having a prime slot.  You put a quiz show on a 9pm during the week and it has to be brilliant, which this British version of 500 Questions simply was not.  It needed more tension, more originality and more intrigue…..rather than just it being RATHER BORING! 2/5.

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Trott and Kenny cycle into the record books and even more into our hearts! Day 11 review of the Rio Olympics on BBC1,BBC2.

Posted on August 19, 2016 by SCARFMAN

Just before the 2016 Olympics in Rio started I had almost zero appetite for watching them on the telly.  Here in Britain the football season was just about to commence and the build up to these Rio games had been littered for months with a whole series of negative publicity.  For example, we kept on being told how some the sporting venues were not going to be ready in time.  Then there was the awful story being reported that some construction workers in Brazil had died whilst working on the Olympic venues.  Add to this the threat of the Zika Virus as well as the Russian doping scandal, and these games looked about as thrilling to watch as travelling to the moon and back in a low cost airline!

Therefore, given what I have just said I am now somewhat shocked to declare just how great these games have been to watch on the box.  Last Tuesday night I had a whole evening of being totally engrossed by day eleven of the Games on BBC1 and BBC2. The BBC rightly or wrongly(for the most part in my view) takes a lot of criticism but yet again I think their Olympics coverage has been first class.

Team GB(Great Britain) have had an absolutely amazing Games.  By the end of Tuesday night we had won forty-eight medals which is a record for an away Games.  I had only just started watching the coverage when already two of our young gymnasts each claimed a bronze(16yr old Amy Tinkler on the floor and Nile Wilson on the high bar).   I know Matt Baker from The One Show is a former gymnast at some level because he never stopped telling us this or showing off this fact when he appeared on Strictly Come Dancing a few years back. His commentary on the gymnastics was the only thing that irritated me.

The action then momentarily switched to the sailing as we were told Hannah Mills and Saskia Clark had just won GOLD for Team GB.  I found myself unexpectedly being choked up with tears listing to their interview.  It was the bit where Saskia thanked Hannah for being an amazing best friend and for standing by her whilst she had been out injured.  It was just a genuine heartfelt thing for Saskia to say and I identified with her words in some very small way.  I need to point out that I’m no gold winning Olympic sailor though, strictly a ferry man me!!

The rest of the action on the BBC focused on the final night at the velodrome(where they do track cycling).   Sir Chris Hoy in his role as cycling analyst, has been the star of the entire BBC Olympic coverage for me. It is great when such sporting icon such as him is interesting to listen too because it is not always the case,e.g German football great Lothar Matthaus was truly horrendous as a football pundit on ITV during Euro 2016 this summer.   Hoy once again on Tuesday night had an authoritative ease in front of the camera that was appealing to watch, coupled with regularly offering interesting insightful comments.  It is not often that anybody outshines the always great presenter Clare Balding but I thought Hoy did so again.

The cycling action itself was a drama filled pulsating watch which so nearly did not have the fairytale happy ending that we EVENTUALLY did get.  Firstly, former athlete Katy Marchant got an unexpected bronze and Becky Smith a silver medal in the Women’s Sprint.  Laura Trott then became the most successful ever female British Olympian by winning her fourth Olympic gold via her winning the Women’s omnium event.  It is the cycling version of the decathlon in the athletics except you need a brain like Carol Vorderman’s to fully understand it.  In fairness though, commentator and former Olympic gold medalist Chris Boardman did his best to explain it to us.   As well as Hoy,  his role in the BBC Olympic cycling coverage needs fully applauding too.

With Trott winning as expected all of the attention of the next potential British gold was then focused on her soon husband-to-be, Jason Kenny.  Kenny, a winner of two golds already at these games was favourite to win the Men’s Keirin final.  Sir Chris Hoy really fancied Kenny to win.  Clare Balding on the other hand was more circumspect after Hoy had told us that crashes can happen in this race.  It felt like he whole of Great Britain LONGED for Kenny to win, we LONGED for cycling’s golden couple to become even more golden and happy!

Not long after the race had started it looked like a disaster was on the cards with regards to Kenny winning another gold.  In the Keirin, initially the riders follow a small motorcycle around the track for a few laps and when it rides off the track the racing between the riders then ensues.  At no stage are the riders permitted to overtake this small bike(called a derny) and they face immediate disqualification if ever doing so.  A gun sounded and the race was dramatically stopped, it looked like Kenny and another rider were danger of being ejected from the race for doing exactly just this.  Devoted girlfriend Laura Trott looked on pleading for her man not to lose his chance at winning a sixth Olympic gold medal.  There was a very big chance here that this potential fairytale like ending was going to end up as more of a nightmare!

Somehow Kenny got a reprieve due a gray area within the rules and so therefore our happy ending was back on track.  After a further false start the race was finally underway at the third attempt. The tension was huge and I sat on my chair pleading for Kenny to win, who would have thought just watching somebody pedal a bike very quickly could be this enthralling hey??  Just as it looked like gold was out of his grasp, Kenny put his foot down(I mean pedals) and went on past of his other competitors to WIN the race.  WE HAD OUR HAPPY ENDING AFTER ALL THE, PHEW!!

Again I thought Clare Balding, Sir Chris Hoy, Chris Broadman and Olympian Joanne Rowsell, were all great doing the commentating and analysis.  Jill Douglas also needs praising because I thought she was very competent track side in her interviews with Trott and Kenny afterwards. I had just witnessed a wonderful sporting night on the television that will long live in the memory.  Sport on TV at times can without a shadow of a doubt be as, if not MORE dramatic and emotional than any fictional drama or soap opera that we see on our screens today.

I went to bed Tuesday night then having more or less come full circle regarding how I viewed these Olympics.  With only a few days left before they end I now do not want them to end.  I think the BBC over all has done a great job with their coverage.  In the future I do not want to see the Olympics on a more commercial network with annoying regular ad breaks that interrupt the action. Therefore, I so am pleased that the BBC has the broadcasting rights up to and including the 2024 Games.

I thought the 2016 Rio Olympic Games would be a dull, drab televisual affair but I wrong.  These Olympics have yet again made me feel proud to be British…….. and have also yet again MADE ME FEEL PROUD OF OUR MUCH-MALIGNED BBC! 4/5.

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Hooray for orgasmic bingo, willy warmers and …a happy ending! ‘Brief Encounters’ – Episode 6 and series review.

Posted on August 11, 2016 by SCARFMAN

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It is not often in the British summertime that we get to see a great comedy-drama on our TV screens. Nevertheless, this is what has just happened with the conclusion of Brief Encounters this week on ITV1.

It is quite staggering that ITV did not think to plug this series more before the first episode aired.  It was only down to people raving about Brief Encounters on social media, that prompted me to watch it.

Set in the 1980s, the narrative was centred around a group of women in Sheffield (UK), who both socially and financially empowered themselves by becoming Anne Summers saleswomen.  This refreshing new series was funny, moving, and immensely enjoyable to watch.  For the film lovers out there amongst you, this show was like a female version of The Full Monty.  However, rather than stripping off, these women just kept whipping out their …vibrators(comically)!

Today, it has become tiresome to watch new TV dramas that leave too many things still unresolved by the end of the final episode.   It feels like some writers are fearful of offering the satisfactory conclusion that most of the audience desperately crave for.  This is because they then fear that they will not get a second series commissioned.  I am pleased to say the final episode of Brief Encounters did not fall into this category.  It should be praised how most of the loose ends in the narrative were tied up by the time the closing credits rolled.

Like I say, I was pleasantly surprised at just how many things got resolved in the story by the end of this sixth episode.  For example, nasty Dougie (Samuel Edward-Cook), finally got his comeuppance as Kieran (Don Gilet) did a deal with police.  This subsequently meant Nita’s (Angela Griffin) secret was finally out, about knowing Kieran was the driver of the getaway car that knocked over Brian (Peter Wright), and left him for dead in the street.

Barry (Kent Riley) finally found out that his wife Lisa (Gina Bramhill), probably wasn’t carrying his baby after all.  This was after he learnt that his best mate Terry (Karl Davies), had got jiggy with her on their sofa one night.

I was ready to get vexed at there being no reconciliation between adopted PC Daniels (Ben Bailey-Smith), and his resistant birth mother Pauline (Penelope Wilton).   They (the writers) won’t resolve this to give them room for a second series I thought.  However, I was pleased to see that these two characters finally did come together and embrace one another at the end.

Finally, the ongoing love story between Steph (Sophie Rundle) and PC Daniels, also ended on a positive note too.  Amen for a happy ending I say.

The acting quality from all the leading cast members was first class throughout this series.  I think the actress who deserves most praise though, is Penelope Wilton who played Pauline Spake.  She was equally adept at doing the nastier side of her character, as well as doing the more humorous stuff.

The funniest bit in this final episode was when Pauline got a bit lightheaded and nearly fainted, as she helped to deliver Nita’s new baby.  In reply to a worried looking Steph, Pauline replied, “yes I’m fine, I’ve just blown a bit too much you know …I’ve gone a bit light.”  At the same time, the scenes that most moved me most in this comedy drama were Pauline’s scenes.  For the most part, Penelope gave a very believable performance as this character.

Another actor who deserves a special mention is Peter Wright, who played butcher Brian Spake, Pauline’s husband.  I just found him highly amusing whenever his character was appalled at something.  My favourite line of the entire series was when he said to Pauline (in an appalled, but very funny way) about little Stanley ,

“I caught him wiping his nose on the upholstery”.

I thought this comedy-drama counter balanced the amusing scenes with the more serious ones, just about right!

I also have a feeling that this could be the series that blossoms actress Sophie Rundle, into being a massive star in this country. With her great look coupled with her great acting ability, she reminds me a bit of a younger Keeley Hawes.  It is great credit to Sophie that this is the same performer who we also see act so well as Ada Shelby, in the brutally violent but magnificent BBC Peaky Blinders drama, i.e. Brief Encounters and Peaky Blinders are poles apart from one another.

The only thing that needs criticising in this last episode, is that at times it was a bit too mushy.  Some of the emotive scenes (accompanied with moving background music), were a bit over-the-top.

On occasions and to its weakness, there seemed to be an attempt by the writers to convey a positive social message through the dialogue.  These few scenes came across as a tad corny and they made me lose my suspension-of-disbelief for a brief moment.  For example, in a conversation near the end Dawn (Sharon Rooney) said the following to Helena/”Hellie” ,

“Don’t waste your life on somebody that you don’t love, you’re better than that”

Another example of too much mushiness was when Pauline had a moment with Nita’s son Ritchie (Theo Graham), about him not wanting to go to Art College. Pauline said,

“To have a mum and dad who love you enough to let you go, well I think you’re lucky”.

I winced slightly upon hearing this line from Pauline, because it was overdone (with intentional emotive music).  This is not a major criticism of the show, but such scenes of over sentimentality did start to irk me towards the end of it.

No, I was not waiting in nervous anticipation to see the completion of this series, like say I was when The Night Manager was on earlier this year. Nevertheless, this new comedy-drama must still go down as a big hit for ITV1.

It had an interesting, original subject matter that gave the show a sort of fresh feel about it.  I sincerely hope we see a second series of this because most of all, the writers Fay Rusling and Oriane Messina deserve it.  Orgasmic bingo, willy warmers and a happy ending.  It ticked all the boxes and so roll on series two this time next year please! 4/5.

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Versus : The Life and Films of Ken Loach. A REVIEW. ‘A celebration of the KING and LEGEND of British Film’!

Posted on August 3, 2016 by SCARFMAN

Just as this biographical documentary about British film director Ken Loach was about to start, I feared it was going to be about as thrilling to watch as an episode of The South Bank Show with Melvyn Bragg.  Such a reservation by me was severely misplaced however.  Instead, what I saw was a superbly put together documentary by the BBC and British Film Institute.  It was really interesting, incredibly insightful and surprisingly very uplifting by the end.  If you are a big lover of British films like I am then this programme is a must see.

The format of this documentary was not as boring or as predictable as I had prior expected to it be.  Yes, as it looked back at Loach’s life there was a chronological order to it, but it was not done in a very rigid way.  It started off in the present tense where we told how in 2014, Ken Loach had retired after making films for fifty years.  With the Conservative Party now back in power though in the UK this then had prompted him to come out of retirement and make one last film in 2016.   We had present day footage from the making of this latest film, interchanged throughout the documentary with a look back at his life and previous films.  This look back at his life took the form of archive film and news footage combined with present day interviews of people who had worked with him,e.g film crew, actors.

Ken Loach : “If you make films about people’s lives I think politics is essential, it is the essence of drama, the essence of conscience”.

People familiar with the work of Ken Loach will know just how politically charged most of his films are. Therefore, it was both essential and interesting that this fact was greatly touched upon by him and others throughout the documentary.  Friend and his producer for many years Tony Garnett, explained how back in the 1960s England was a very class ridden society and how Ken and he wanted to change that.  An example of their left-wing politics featuring in an early film they did together was Kathy Come Home(1966).  It was about the then desperate situation of a lack of working-class housing.  The impact of this film was that huge that it resulted in both Ken Loach and Tony Garnett sharing a cup of tea with a government minister about the issue. 

When I first saw a film by Ken Loach I was seventeen years old and studying Media Studies at college.  I was quite literally bowled over by Raining Stones(1993) and Ladybird Ladybird(1994) because I had never ever seen films like that before.  There was this gritty realism to them that gave them such a powerful impact.  Their sympathy for the working class was unquestionably important here but there was more to it than just that.  The way these films had been shot was new to me, there was a realism to this style of filming that was sort of breathtakingly emotional.

Therefore, I loved the bit in this documentary that referred to Loach’s observational, realistic style.  It was revealed to us how this style of his had been heavily influenced by Czech films.  A film by Czech Film Institute played as Loach explained how this observational style helps to, ‘bring out the humanity of people in front of the camera’.  The camera here is like a person observing, he added.

What I liked about this programme was that it was not an overly sycophantic celebration of Ken Loach.   By this, I mean it wasn’t too gushing in praise of him or too cringe worthy crawly like say we get towards celebrities on Piers Morgan’s Life Stories.  We heard about the negative reactions to some of Loach’s films as well as about his failed attempts to make a series of documentaries about the Trade Unions.  I had no idea that in the past due to him being ostracized by the British film industry,  he did not make a film for over twelve years.  Loach recounted with horror how he had to make two mainstream commercials back then just in order to make a living.  He felt he had betrayed his left wing political views by doing such work.

As highlighted at the start, this documentary was particularly interesting for me because it told me information about Ken Loach that I had no prior knowledge of.  For instance, I had no idea his filming style had been influenced by Czech films, nor was I aware of his failed attempt at becoming a documentary filmmaker.  About two thirds of the way through this documentary Loach spoke about the tragic time in his life when he and his family had been involved in a serious road traffic accident. It resulted in him losing his mother-in-law and his second child.  I had no idea that he experienced such a personal tragedy in his life.  On a much lighter note and at another point in the film, it was revealed to us how he had once been an understudy to Kenneth Williams in a play.  A documentary is bland if you have heard all of the stories before elsewhere, pleasingly this did not apply to me with this one.

The final thing worthy of note was the great background music.  Alongside a stunning opening visual sequence where Loach said a few words about the making of films, the emotive music immediately helped creative a sort of intriguing intensity to the piece.  I also loved how there was an uplifting climax at the end.  Again, this was achieved through visuals, the spoken word, but most of all by the music.  I came away from watching this documentary feeling inspired.

Overall, I can really only think of two things to criticize in this documentary. Firstly, unless you had eyesight as good as Superman’s then the graphics/written captions that we saw were way to small, i.e nearly impossible to read.  Secondly, due to becoming familiar with Loach’s work in the 1990s, I would have liked his films in this period discussed more. Raining Stones is my all-time favourite British film so I was somewhat disappointed to see it hardly touched upon.  Ladybird Ladybird was highlighted more via including comments from its main star Crissy Rock, however I still would have liked to have heard more about that too.  I would therefore argue that this documentary was rushed a bit too much towards the end of it.

I would recommend this documentary to anybody that loves films. Left-wing Ken Loach with his ardent left-wing political views is a polarizing figure without question. However, rather than being described a “barking mad Marxist”, I see him as a pioneer of the British film industry.  He brought realism and working class struggles to the big screen and so for that his work needs applauding.  I congratulate the BBC and the BFI for making such a good documentary about the life Ken Loach,  he will always be the KING and LEGEND of British film for me! 4/5.

 

 

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‘NAKED ATTRACTION’…..more like NEVER AGAIN for me!! Naked Attraction – episode one review.

Posted on July 28, 2016 by SCARFMAN

I am old enough to remember the good old glory days of Blind Date on ITV with the late, great Miss Cilla Black.  It was a dating show that was fun to its core and was brilliant entertainment fit for all the family to see.  Many years later as a student I can remember also getting into another ITV dating show called Dial-a-Date.  It was a much cheaper and bit racier version of Blind Date, but I used to regularly look forward to watching it late on a Friday night.  However, last night I watched a programme that has to be the WORST dating show that has EVER been seen on British television.  Naked Attraction on Channel 4 is the new dating show where people select another to go on a date with, based on the quality of their……..BOOBS AND BITS!!

Near the end of the show presenter Anna Richardson said to second picker Mal,

“You’re one very confused woman right now aren’t you”?

I was sat there watching this thinking, I’m one very confused viewer right now, puzzled how this dire show ever got commissioned in the first place.  It truly was diabolical stuff to watch.  It was not fun or educational or brilliantly informative,  rather most of the dialogue boarded on the idiotic and the nudity on show had a rather uncomfortable voyeuristic element to it.  Usually, I have a lot of time for presenter Anna Richardson but if she has not sacked her agent yet for giving her this gig, then my best advise to her is that she needs to do so now………. without delay!

The format of the show consisted of one fully dressed picker in each half of the show, coming to the centre of the studio and seeing six naked people standing behind a coloured panel that hid their identity(and modesty for the time being).  It was about the furthest thing that you could get away from the brutal Quentin Tarantino film Reservoir Dogs, but I have to admit to smirking and thinking about this analogy as the contestants were referred to us as “Mr Pink”, “Mr Orange” and “Mr Red”, etc.   Firstly, the panels were raised enough so we JUST saw their genitals which were then duly evaluated by Aina(first picker) and presenter Anna Richardson.  I say evaluated, their comments were more like something that you would hear from a randy bunch of women that were out on weekend hen-do in Blackpool.

After then looking at their bottoms and weighing up which ones she liked and which she did not,  Aina then had to eliminate the first contestant.  Next the coloured panels were lifted up so all but their faces were on show now. Again, Aina and Anna then went around them to judge.  It was when Anna remarked in consolation to the second eliminated contestant Maxwell that “Aina loved your bouncy balls”, that I shook my head in disbelief and thought what on earth am I watching here.  I am not prude by any means, I am not related to Hyacinth Bucket in any way, nor have I ever been a member of The Women’s Institute(just in case you had been wondering) but this show was too much, i.e coarse and crude.

Eventually the contestants were whittled down to two(faces and voices revealed by now) and this was where we saw the picker now get naked with them too.  With the second female picker especially who was a young bisexual lady from Guildford called Mal, the big build up of her also getting her kit off had this slightly uneasy pervy feel to it for me. Aina and Mal then chose the winner by selecting who they would like to go on a date with(clothes on for this one).   We saw footage of their dates and then a reporting back a few weeks later about how things were going, i.e were still dating each other or not?

Throughout both of the picking processes the action broke away momentarily as Anna Richardson in prerecorded graphic clips, told us about some utterly useless statistic or bit of information regarding sex and dating.  For example, there was the one about how if you have over one hundred moles on your body then it makes you appear seven years younger. Another one was how symmetrical faces in men is linked to good quality sperm, and a third one was how having lots of pubic hair can lead to greater arousal in your sexual partner.  WHO CARES ABOUT KNOWING SUCH STUFF LIKE THIS???? Such segments were undoubtedly there to break the action up(the long drawn out boobs and bits elimination process).  I also wonder if it was an attempt to try and rise the tone of the programme with a bit of science, a barmy and failed idea if this was the case though.

There was so much of awful dialogue throughout the show that some did make me chuckle in my despair.  For example, in the intro VT stuff where Mal identified herself she said the following(straight faced),

“Guys originally see me as a bit of a fantasy”.

This was then followed up by a good mate of hers revealing to us how she had no idea how Mal was still single.  I reckon this very modest statement (NOT) from Mal might just be a very big clue as to why she had been single for the last three years.

We had utter garbage spoken by the eliminated contestants about how what a great experience taking part in the show had been…..REALLY???? We had the first guy eliminated say how it had been “an empowering experience”.  For me, it felt like the producers fully suspected what enormous flak would be coming their way after this first episode aired, so they then better have the contestants spouting afterwards how brilliant it had been to have been part of such a new social experiment.  My highlight(in a bad way) of the show was when Laura(the fifth person to be eliminated by Mal) said the following,

“I definitely feel like I’ve achieved something massive here”.

I nearly fell off my chair upon hearing this comment because how can going into a TV studio and taking your kit off in front of a bunch of strangers, EVER be deemed as a massive achievement for crying out loud????  It must have taken some guts don’t get me wrong but to describe it as “MASSIVE”, blimey I almost choked on my beans on toast as I heard her utter those words.

On a more serious note, the show can be rightly criticised for giving out mixed messages regarding body image.  Anna at the start of show said how, “every naked body is a wonderful thing”.  This was later supported by a female contestant saying how, ‘we all come in different shapes and sizes and so it’s all good’. These views are fine but then they go against the format of the show which eliminates contestants due to the state of their naked bodies.  The fact people are being judged in a pecking order on their naked bodies means really that only the bodies of the winners are being celebrated, i.e the people that got eliminated, some of their bodies were not seen as being wonderful.

At the start of the show Anna Richardson said,

“In this dating show we go back to basics and start where a good date often ends….naked”!

I have big issues with this statement.  It sums people up like we just go around behaving like dogs on heat.  People can go on great dates with people without then jumping into bed with them at the end. A wider but connected criticism to add here, is that this show never once mentioned the other factors that are important when trying to find a partner.  For instance, a shared intelligence and sense of humour are massive factors for a lot people when looking for somebody to date.  Physical attraction is important however it is far from being the ONLY factor like this show made out it was.

Perhaps this show might be enjoyed by late teenagers who are randy non-stop with raging hormones, but this late thirty something year old man writing this hated it(guessing you’ve probably realised that by now).  It was not funny and it certainly was not some kind of great new social experiment like the show hinted itself to be at times.  It was the worst and most bizarre piece of television that I have seen in years……..NEVER AGAIN for me!!  1/5.

 

 

 

 

 

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