MAD FOR IT! ME AND MY HARD MATE, MICHAEL…………….’THE COUNT’ BISPING!

This is the tale of how wimpy 5ft 11ins AND THREE QUARTERS metrosexual me, somehow became good pals with one of my heroes! His name is UFC Mixed Martial Artist Michael Bisping, LET THE BROMANCE story begin! ;D

It is not very often you get to become friends with one of your heroes in life, but I have.  Michael Bisping is from Clitheroe, England, and for those who are unaware he is very big news over in the States. Well that said, he’s big news here too but across the pond I reckon more people would recognise him in the street.  This is because he has been the number one UK Mixed Martial Artist for years, and currently he fights in the popular Ultimate Fighting Championship all over the world.

As a sport mixed martial arts has an ever growing fanbase in the UK and Mike has been at the very forefront of this growth.  The UFC owes a lot to Mike in my opinion, he came just at the right time for them.  He has always been a very talented fighter but it is his cocky northern English demeanor that has always made him stand-out from his fellow competitors.  Charismatic, funny and engaging to listen too, he’s like the John McEnroe of Mixed Martial Arts ha ha.  It makes me chuckle to think how him and me have become good mates…..I think it’s because NOBODY CAN RESIST THE SCARFY SENSE OF HUMOUR ;D (I’m @Scarfman_ on twitter…thought I best explain that joke).

I first came across Mike whilst channel hopping with the remote once, back in 2006.  I ended up putting the Bravo channel on and there was this programme just starting called The Ultimate Fighter 3.  I was intrigued because it seemed to be a some kind of ‘fighting reality TV show’.  I say intrigued because I have always been a massive sports fan. As soon as I could walk which was from around the age of 6(always been a late developer ha ha ha), no, ever since I can remember Dad had me playing cricket and kicking a football out in back garden. I have been a big boxing fan for years too, love physical combat sports.  Years ago I used to get up in the middle of night like a madman to watch Ricky Hatton and Lennox Lewis fight for World Titles over on in the States.  I can still remember now that amazing night when my fellow Mancunian Ricky Hatton beat Kosta Tszyu to become world champion.  I therefore very quickly started to enjoy watching my very first episode of the The Ultimate Fighter 3 series. I recognised Ken Shamrock(he was a Team Coach) from my wrestling days(watching I mean ha ha) and it quickly became apparent there was a Brit on the show who I could cheer for, namely one Mr Michael Bisping!

As the time went on I really became hooked on watching the The Ultimate Fighter 3 each week. Slowly but surely I was educating myself upon this new sport, which up to that point I had never really come across that much. At first I must admit I thought it might be a bit too violent for me but then I came to realise just how skilled and dedicated these fighters really were.  Mike was hilarious on the show. I can remember this clip where Dana White(President of the UFC and show presenter) asked the fighters what was the first thing they were going to do once back home? Mike in his broad northern English accent chirped up something like, “I CAN GIVE YOU ONE GOOD GUESS”(alluding to a bit of rumpy pumpy with the missus) ha ha, it made me really laugh.  You know when a person tries too hard to be funny and therefore it isn’t, Mike on the other hand is just a naturally funny guy.

Mike ended up winning the show and so I soon became completely hooked on the sport. Looking back now, I really liked Mike and instantly felt an automatic connection with him because he is from a part of England near where I am from.  I was born in Manchester and live a stones throw away from the City Centre, not a million miles away from Mike’s hometown of Clitheroe.  This means I completely get his sense of humour, it’s all about piss taking and not taking yourself too seriously.  I think a lot of American UFC fans didn’t get him at first because they thought he was being serious and cocky all the time when instead he was just ‘having a laugh’.  I have always supported other UK fighters in the UFC but when watching them I have never been able to conjure up those same feelings of care and pride that I feel when Mike fights.  I soon started talking to the great man after his TUF 3 triumph.  I therefore stopped just seeing Mike merely as this lethal hard man with balls of steel, I started to care about him as a person and also as a mate.

I first had a conservation with him when I wrote something on his website not long after him winning TUF3.  It was cordial, nothing overly friendly but it was clear to him I hope that I was a supportive fan. I can also remember how after one of Mike’s victorious fights his young son Callum(young back then) entered the Octagon and they shared a very moving exchange with one another.  I can recollect writing on his website how this had scene had really moved me, what with me being a big sensitive softie and all ha ha.  I  shared some banter with one of his mates who looked after his website, he too had been really moved at seeing these post-fight celebrations between father and son.

When Michael came on twitter we started following one another and chatting a bit. I then had the opportunity to go and meet him once at signing he was doing at the HMV store in Manchester City Centre.  Looking back now I do cringe at how I acted but in my defence it was about four to five years ago. I do not know what came over me but I acted like a very nervous teeny bopper, like a ten yr old One Direction fan ha ha.  When I started talking hardly anything came out of my mouth and when it did it was complete gibberish  My hands were shaking, thus my phone was shaking, I think upon witnessing this bizarre site in front him Mike nearly called the St John Ambulance for me….ha ha ha. I was chuffed to have met him in person but gees wiz I felt like a right pillock once I had got back home, you have to laugh though!

Since that time at HMV, Mike and me via twitter have become really good mates.  I like to think I am his unofficial SCARF AND COMEDY COACH(unpaid too I should add ha ha).  No, I can’t exactly put my finger on how we’ve become such good pals, it has kind of just happened I guess.  I really love a laugh and a joke and so really send myself up on twitter, so think it’s partly due to that(excuse the BIGHEAD ha ha).  A taxi driver once told me his fellow drivers referred to me as ‘DEL BOY'(the fictional larger than life character off the classic UK sit-com Only Fools and Horses).  I loved that because it’s my favourite TV show. I get my extrovert characteristics from the late Harold Lloyd God bless him(known also as my Dad).  I feel that comfortable with Mike now that we constantly take the mickey out of one another and I really like this fact.  I do think to myself sometimes though, ‘you’re taking the piss here out of a man who fights for a living’ ha, but it doesn’t stop me because it’s all in the name of comedy.  I just talk and laugh and joke with him like I do with my other ‘non fighting’ mates, and I think he likes that. ie it help keeps him grounded ha ha ha. I remember a tweet from him once that started with, “I have a bone to pick with you….”. I took a BIG GULP and then upon reading further on was mightily relieved that he was just moaning about a book I’d told him to read……PHEW hahaha.

Another thing that makes me chuckle is that I am now friends with his lovely wife and his Mother-in-law, I feel like part of the family  ha ha ha ha.  To be serious for a second, both of these ladies are really lovely and I have loved getting to know them, via the power that is twitter.  His wife Rebecca is like a younger sister/agony Aunt to me ha, and his Mother-in-law is like my second Mum, or perhaps maybe my 3rd or 4th Mum. I currently have complicated health issues that I am trying to overcome and both of these women have been so lovely and supportive to me over this.  Mike has too I should add but there is no humour in being ill so I tend to only do the wisecracks and MMA talk with Bispingy, as I like to affectionately call him ha ha!

There we have it then, I just thought I would share this lovely bromance story with you all, between a fighter and wimp………..I’m the wimp ha ha.  Do not let anybody tell you that you can not become friends with one of your heroes in life.  I HAVE BECOME FRIENDS WITH ONE OF MINE AND HIS NAME IS MICHAEL ‘THE COUNT’ BISPING!

 

 

 

  

Posted in BOXING, COMEDY, FRIENDSHIP, MIXED MARTIAL ARTS, POPULAR CULTURE, REALITY TV, SPORT, TELEVISION, TV, twitter, UFC, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

‘EAT WELL FOR LESS ?’ EPISODE 3 REVIEW. WHAT A LOAD OF TRIPE!

At the beginning of Master Chef we see one of the presenters Gregg Wallace proudly boast, “cooking doesn’t get any tougher than this”!  Well after watching a full episode of his new programme last Thursday called Eat Well For Less, his new catchphrase should now be “WATCHING THIS SHOW DOESN’T GET ANY TOUGHER THAN THIS”! It was an hour of my life I will sadly never get back. It food terms it was absolute TRIPE……..TRIPE, TRIPE, TRIPE AND EVEN MORE TRIPE(and I’m vegetarian too)!

Starring Gregg Wallace and fellow green grocer Chris Bavin(who?), the premise of this show is for them to help families lower the costs of their weekly food shops. This episode featured a young family from Maidstone, Kent, called The Stantons(Mum, Dad and their two young daughters).  Now as soon as I heard the Dad(Dan) speak with an awful Essex twang as he strolled around the supermarket like a peacock in what looked like black leotard type leggings, then I’ll be honest and say that I was frowning before the show had barely begun.

Whilst in this first segment of them doing their weekly shop, we then had this ridiculous football style commentary on how they were doing their shopping by Gregg and Chris(undercover of course).  We had Gregg saying profound things like, “if you come in the shop without a list then you are gonna buy more than you need”. That Greg my old son is genius……..or more like just plain bloody sense, gee whiz. They were aided in their analysis by Liza Tarbuck on voice over, who was just as equally exasperating.  I like Liza Tarbuck but via her delivery and what she was saying, it was like she was talking to a group of simple five year olds watching the show.  Then came the crunch at the end of the shop. On this one shop alone(the Stantons did several during the week apparently) they spent a staggering ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY SIX POUNDS, NINETY-SIX PENCE.  What on earth were they buying, GOLD APPLES AND ORANGES for crying out loud???

The rest of the show was then genius, genius in how they managed to fill up the next fifty or so minutes with bland patronizing waffle. Some of the foods the Stantons regular ate were swapped with cheaper brands but the labels were covered up so they could not tell not the difference straight away, if at all .  There was this ridiculous bit where Zoe(Mum) proudly proclaimed to be the ‘baked bean Queen’. She was so sure she would be able to tell the taste of inferior baked beans, but she couldn’t as we duly found out.  Zoe couldn’t stop laughing about this whereas I found it was about as funny to watch as having a large dose of the windy poos through eating too many beans.   They were then advised about how they should waste less food by refreezing stuff, buy more frozen stuff over fresh and how they should encourage their kids to eat more varied foods.

Perhaps I am being a bit harsh here but SURELY IT IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE IN KNOWING HOW TO REDUCE YOUR WEEKLY FOODS COSTS IS IT? Did they or even we as a nation, really need this irritating pair of cheeky chappy green grocers to tell us how to do this? I don’t think we did, I felt the show treated us like simple morons.   How did a family who were obviously fairly well off not have a clue how to cut costs, I was staggered? Oh and what was the greatest lesson taught by the end the show to Zoe and Dan by Gregg and Chris……..THAT THEY SHOULD WRITE AND TAKE SHOPPING LIST WITH THEM FROM NOW ON!!! I think I just sat there shaking my head in disbelief. I had watched this show for the best part of an hour now and ‘take a shopping list with you’ was the best bit of advice they were given….and they say TV is dumbing down, HOLY MACKEREL is it!!!

Oh and I must share with you my cringe highlight of the entire show.  It was when Gregg and Chris were driving back to the Stantons house to find out if they liked some of the cheaper brands of food that they’d given them to try. Chris was really giving it the big sell but over acting his part massively I’m afraid. I swear he would have wet himself had Gregg driven quickly over a speed pump,  such was the extent of his nervous anticipation at finding out the results.  Whereas I’m sat there watching this thinking to myself, ‘WHO GIVES A ALDI FIG ROLL WHAT FOODS THEY PREFERRED’.  It was TV GOLD but sadly in a bad way.

The credits were rolling and then I heard something else bewildering.  The voice-over guy was requesting people who wanted to be on the next series to send their details in.  Nooooooooooooooooooo. This means there is going to be even more of this tripe to come soon.  I’M FULLY TRIPED OUT ENOUGH AS IT IS THOUGH BBC, PLEASE DON’T DISH ME UP ANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not for me 1/5.

Posted in COMEDY, EAT MORE FOR LESS, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD TV SHOW, POPULAR CULTURE, REALITY TV, TELEVISION, TV, TV REVIEW, UK TV, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

“GILLIAN, STOP BEING A TW*T”! ‘LAST TANGO IN HALIFAX’ SERIES THREE REVIEW!

A week ago saw the end of series three of the popular BBC1 drama Last Tango in Halifax, here are my thoughts!

A few weeks ago I did a blog about Last Tango in Halifax and upon telling a TV Critic on twitter, he asked me “why do such a blog”?  This caught me a bit off guard if I am honest and my first reaction was to think he was mocking me. He said he was not by any means, just that he did not get what all the fuss was about the programme.  I gave some ill thought reply back but as the third series season has now ended and some more time has passed, I now know how I should have answered him as lot better.

Watching Last Tango to me is like getting your favourite Winter cardigan out of the wardrobe and feeling all snug and safe inside it on a glorious sunny day.  It is charming, nostalgic, I feel better for watching Last Tango just like I feel better for putting that old favourite cardie on.  It has an certain EDGE to it though…Last Tango, not my favourite cardigan I mean.  I can not bear safe old fashioned dramas like say Heartbeat or The Royal. I watched an episode of Call The Midwife before the last episode of Last Tango came on and thought it was utter, safe bland tosh. It featured an attempted suicide and also a married man being found guilty of homosexuality, hardly save topics I accept but done so in such a meek, mild mannered way. Last Tango remains a romantic comedy drama at it’s heart, BUT IT ALSO HAS GUTS. It is has an edge that prevents it from being safe and boring…..and furthermore not just funny  Significantly, this edgier side to the writing has become more prominent as the show has grown.  This was shown more than ever with all the controversy surrounding episode three where the character Kate(Nina Sosanya) was killed off.  This light and shade balance is important in my opinion, it gives the show an element of realism and thus keeps me hooked.

“Gillian, stop acting like a tw*t”. This quote from Robbie(Dean Andrews) to Gillian(Nicola Walker) made me laugh out loud in episode six.  I just thought the frustrated manner in the way he said it was so funny, not to mentioned Gillian’s astonished reaction afterwards. This brings me nicely on discuss the rest of episode six.  I recently read a blog where the lady blogger in question slated this episode, not finding it funny whatsoever.  I was a bit shocked at reading this because I thought it was the most amusing episode of the entire series. I laughed all the way through it, barring the juxtaposed serious bits of course.  Firstly, it involved Gillian having pre-wedding nerves and she revealed to Caroline(Sarah Lancashire) via two flashbacks how she’d banged both Sean the Butcher and Caroline’s ex John recently. The motive for these incidents of infidelity, Robbie calling her a T of course(it did make me chuckle).

The other two things that made me laugh in this final episode granted through gritted teeth, were horse shit, lots of it and somebody puking. The horse shit incident involved Caroline’s car getting a flat tyre so her, Alan(Derek Jacobi) and bride-to-be Gillian had to get out on to this country lane.  Caroline couldn’t budge the wheel nut so we saw this funny site of her(six foot plus in heels) climbing on to the spanner several feet in the air, to see if the force of all her weight through it might budge it.  She budged it all right but then as a consequence fell face down in ten tonnes of horse shit! She literally had it all over her best wedding outfit. I thought it was really funny and I say through gritted teeth because I have a OCD contamination phobia over animal excrement. As soon as I saw the pretend poo on the road nearby the car I stared squirming in my seat.  You can imagine my reaction then when she fell in it all, I was horrified but could not myself from stop laughing at the same time. Same with the puking. This also is a major OCD phobia of mine, vomit I mean. Robbie too drunk on his wedding day puked up whilst giving his vows. Tough to watch but also funny too in my opinion.

Amidst all the hilarity in this final episode there were two scene towards the end that really moved me. The first one was when Robbie admitted to Gillian that he had known all along that his late brother Eddie used to beat her up(Eddie being her late husband). He stated how he regretted not doing anything about it and that he was sorry.  It was great acting by both Dean Andrews and Nicola Walker because I totally believed them. Dean said it with utter sincerity and I found it totally moving.

The other scene I found incredibly moving  was when Caroline had a last conversion(in her imagination/mind) with her recently dead spouse Kate.  I’ll be honest with you and say that up to that point since Kate’s death, I had found all these conversations between the two rather corny.  I mean I found it a bit over-the-top that rather than us just seeing Caroline thinking or talking aloud to Kate, we actually saw the character Kate having imagined dialogue with her.  It just smacked me of them trying to imitate the film Ghost with us, it felt like one manipulation too far.  That said I was almost moved to tears with this scene. Sarah Lancashire played it just right. She was still in the awful depths of grief, still struggling to accept Kate had gone, still not knowing how she was going face life without her.  I’ve lost a closed loved one and such marvellous acting from Sarah reminded me of all that pain I felt back then, and still do at times.

The series ended on a positive note with Caroline and Robbie eventually getting married, and Alan and new found son Gary deciding to bury the hatchet after a recent row.  Nevertheless, there is no denying that a controversial shadow still hung over the series by the end of it though, namely with the incident of Kate being killed off at the end of episode three.  I therefore now need to discuss all the fall out from this. I have thought long and hard about how to best approach talking about this subject and I have decided that directness is the best policy, so apologies now if I offend some. I want to make it clear that I do not have one ounce of homophobia in my body and if you think I do after reading the following then you are very, very much mistaken.

I will first start this big ‘Kate being killed off debate’, by saying I have read some absolute cobblers(rubbish) on the Internet about this subject.  I recently read a few blogs/articles by enraged gay women about it and at certain points I could not believe what I was reading. Sure I can understand you being disappointed by a much loved lesbian TV character being killed off, but to then go on and accuse Sally Wainwright of being anti-gay or to align her with shows that perhaps indeed are, then to me this is one if not several steps too far.  I read one blog that was addressing and telling Sally that gay lives do matter, and by her killing one off it implies she does not think they do.  I would defend Sally and the show by saying if she thought gays lives did not matter then she would not have included them as characters in the drama in the first place. She would not have had two lesbian women who up to that point were such positive role models for the gay community. ie two highly educated women who one as a teacher and the other a headmistress.  If Sally Wainwright was anti-gay then Caroline would have got back with John(Tony Gardner) by the end of the series but she did not. Caroline instead shouted at him that she was a lesbian and proud of it.  If this show was now being like other shows and being complicit in homophobia, then surely BOTH Caroline and Kate would have been killed off…….but they were not.

Sally Wainwright has said her decision to kill off Kate was done to achieve narrative progression, between Caroline and Celia(Anne Reid).  Up to this point Caroline and Celia were not talking and it looked increasingly likely that they would never talk again due to a prejudiced Celia not going to Caroline and Kate’s wedding. This dramatic event meant this quarrel ended and they talked again. I believe Sally when she says this, rather than her having some homophobic ulterior motive.   Nevertheless, I do concur with one critic of her explanation who said was it really necessary to have to kill Kate off to achieve this though? I personally would not of killed Kate off, we could have the accident and her survive. This would have meant Caroline and Celia ending their row and we would not have lost this character.  Apparently, Sally Wainwright did also write a version of the episode where Kate did not die, however she went with the one where she did in order to achieve greater dramatic narrative impact.

Another thing that bugged me about the angry reaction to Kate being killed off, is that when we first found out about the accident my first worry was about the baby. I then was worried about losing Kate the character as a whole, I saw her as being more in the show than just ‘ lesbian number two’.  In this blog I did on Last Tango a few weeks ago right after episode three had ended, I was shocked to hear back from a few gay women how they now felt offended and betrayed by the programme.   On twitter I therefore asked a few lesbians if they too felt this way because in the immediate of that dramatic ending, because it hadn’t even entered my head that gay women would feel this way. One gay woman I chatted to said she was not offended in the slightest by Kate dying and I got a similar reply from a well known TV celebrity who is a lesbian.  This nameless celebrity said she was sad Kate had died because she loved the character, and also commented on how well she thought the Kate and Caroline relationship was portrayed. She said she was not offended though because it is only a drama at the end of the day.  I just think it needs highlighting that NOT ALL lesbians were infuriated by this storyline. Be disappointed yes, I get that totally, however I think the criticism of the show and of writer Sally Wainwright over of all this has been miles over-the-top.

Before finally moving on from all this fallout about Kate being killed off, I just want to respond to something I read in a blog by a lady called Virginia DeBolt. She has written a highly critical arrticle of Sally Wainwright regarding Kate’s death, entitled ‘Another Dead Lesbian TV Character and the Question of Representation.’  I have already responded in the above to many of the the points she makes,  but I was also troubled by something else she wrote towards the end of her piece.  She says now Kate had died, Last Tango sadly now joins the long list of TV shows which feature the death of a gay character in them. Prior to this point she also lists a quote from a website that says ‘the problem is not when gay characters die, it is when this happens far more than straight characters’  The issue I have here is that this does not apply to Last Tango in Halifax.  Gay people are not dieing more in this show than straight ones.  Does Virginia not remember Alan’s life long best friend Maurice dying in episode four of series two…..I have no recollection of him being a gay character? Furthermore, there was the sad death of Judith and John’s baby at the start of series three, not the mention the death of Eddie(Gillian’s late husband) that has  hang over the story since the start of the show. Granted I accept Eddie’s  death is a back story, but my point being that gay deaths have not outnumbered heterosexual ones in Last Tango. Virgina also cites the UK soap opera Emmerdale as being at fault here too. Again, I used to watch this show regularly and know for a fact more straight characters have died in this compared to gay ones .

Despite it taking me an episode to get into it again and despite Kate being killed off, I thought on the whole series three was a really enjoyable watch.  Was it as good as series one and two? Perhaps not I would say but I still think it remains one of our best UK TV dramas.  I guess another question is how long can this show run for, how much legs has it got left in it? Will we see a series seven or eight of it or will Sally Wainwright go the FAWLTY TOWERS route of ending it in its prime, leaving the viewers wanting more? I can see it ending in about two more series time. Series four must see Gillian confess to her now new husband Robbie that she did infact kill his brother Eddie. I can see that being what series four is going to be about, and perhaps Alan’s dodgy heart finally giving up on him at the end of series five. To be honest, every time I have sat down to watch the next new series of Last Tango, I have done so nervously hoping that Alan’s heart won’t give up on him and us just quite yet.  All that being said, Sally Wainwright might surprise us all and decide to bring back to Yorkshire all of Alan’s family who are currently out in New Zealand, him and Ceclia are off to visit them soon after all. This would create many new storylines no doubt if it happened.

However long is left in this show though, I know will be there sat watching it all the way. It is a show that moves me to tears such is the quality of the writing. It is also a show that makes me smile and laugh out loud. “GILLIAN, STOP BEING A TW*T”……what a bloody good line that really is!

 

 

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Posted in COMEDY, death, DRAMA, grief, LAST TANGO IN HALIFAX, lesbianism, POPULAR CULTURE, SALLY WAINWRIGHT, SARAH LANCASHIRE, social media, TELEVISION, TV, TV REVIEW, UK TV, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

MY FAVOURITE FILMS……..AND SOME DODGY ONES TOO!

Over the years I have seen some incredible films so thought I would share some of them with you, so you can enjoy them too if you haven’t seen any of them.  I will also include a few that I think belong in the ‘most overrated’ and ‘worst films I’ve ever seen” categories, if you love Demolition Man‘then you better look away now!

MY TOP FIVE FAVOURITE FILMS

1. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL(LA VITA E BELLA) (1997 – Directed by Roberto Benigni).

Although somewhat controversial because in genre terms you could describe it as a black comedy about the holocaust, do not let this put you off because IT IS AN AMAZING FILM. I love this film that much that I often describe it to people as being’magical’. I mean magical in terms of it being so special.  You will not be able to help yourself from both laughing and crying many times throughout this cinematic masterpiece.   You could also describe it as a melodrama I guess. The first part of the film focuses on the relationship between Guido(Roberto Benigni) and Dora(Nicola Braschi) and the late 1930s changing political climate in Italy. The second part is where the film takes off and is focused on life within a Concentration Camp.  In order to protect his son Joshua(Giorgio Cantarini) from the true situation they are in, Guido makes him believe they are playing a game.  It is this loving interplay between Guido and Joshua which makes the film so outstanding. 5/5.

2. TALK TO HER(HABLE CON ELLA) (2002- Directed by Pedro Almodovar).

Pedro Almodovar is a genius in my eyes and buy far my favourite Film Director.  This is his finest work in my opinion and again like with ‘Life is Beautiful’, I think this is a magical cinematic masterpiece.  Talk to Her is also a black comedy/melodrama about the tale of two men who find friendship over caring for two women who end up in comas. One is a journalist called Marco(Dario Grandinetti) who loves a gorged bullfighter named Lydia(Rosario Flores), and the other is an unhinged nurse called Benigno(Javier Camera) who cares for a ballet dancer called Alicia(Leonor Watling).  I guess you could say in the case of Benigno, this is a film about unrequited love. It is funny in parts and yet also incredibly moving at times. I was crying like a baby by the end. A brilliant original story with an amazing soundtrack and brilliant cinematography.  5/5.

3. THE ENGLISH PATIENT (1996 – Directed by Anthony Minghella).

Fell utterly in love this film via having to study it once for a first year exam at University.  Oh and I nearly swallowed by veggie burger on a date one time when my date told me she was the niece of the director….ha ha I had no idea.  Back to the film, this again is a film that moved me right to my core. Set towards the end of World War II, this is essentially a forbidden love story told through a series of flashbacks.  Severely burned due to crashing his plane and now being looked after by a nurse(Juliette Binoche), the story is retold by the man who was in this relationship, namely Count Laszio Almasy(Ralph Fiennes).  Ralph Fiennes gives an incredible performance and for the life of me I can not believe he did not win an Oscar for it(albeit the film itself did).  Juliette Binoche is also brilliant. It contains the best cinematography that I have ever seen in a film.  5/5.

4. CASABLANCA (1943- Directed by Michael Curtiz).

An old Hollywood Studios classic and is my favourite film from that era. Features some the greatest lines in movie history such has “play it again Sam”(although Rick/Humphrey Bogart never actually said it).  My favourite one though that he does indeed say is, “of all the gin joints, in all towns, in all the world, she walks into mine”.  I  also studied this at Uni and for a month went around everywhere doing Humphrey Bogart impressions, made me laugh if nobody else.  A great ill fated love story set against the back-drop of World War II.  5/5.

5. ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER'(‘TODO SOMBRE MI MADRE) (1999 – Directed by Pedro Almodovar).

Another masterpiece of storytelling by Almodovar and the colours on the screen nearly jump out at you they are that vibrant.  Similar to ‘Talk to Her’ in many ways, this again is a very moving melodrama that made me both cry with tears of laughter and sadness.  Topics Almodovar focuses on here are transvestites, fame, parenthood and the HIV virus.   Most of all though this film is about women.  5/5.

OTHER FILMS I LOVE, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER.

 DANCER IN THE DARK (2000 – Directed by Lars von Trier).

I am not really that into musicals, however this is a brilliant one with with a dark storyline.  Music star Bjork plays the lead role superbly as a Mother suffering with a hereditary degenerative disease causing her to go blind.  Her quest in the story is to save up enough money so that her son can have an operation to save him from suffering from the same plight. It is a really well made film and one that profoundly moved me. 4/5.

DANCES WITH WOLVES (1990 – Directed by Kevin Costner).

For many years I stated this as my favourite film, I think it’s a  simply stunning piece film making. The story, the cinematography and most all the marvellous film score by composer John Barry are all what make it so great. I even bought the soundtrack after I had seen it and I always listened to it to get me in the right frame of mind before doing my A-level revision.  I know Kevin Costner gets some stick in some quarters for his acting ability but in this I think he gives a near faultless performance.  The film is an epic western and Costner plays the role of American Army First Lieutenant John Dunbar. He befriends a local Indian Sioux tribe and the story in the second half details the problems this causes both for him and them. I can not find any fault to this film. 5

THE LIVES OF OTHERS(DAS LEBEN DER ANDEREN) (2006 – Directed by Florian Henckel von Donnersmack)

Brilliant Spy thriller that focuses on the strict Communist politics of East Germany in the early 1980s. It won the 2006 Oscar for Best Foreign Film. 4.5/5.

RAINING STONES (1993 – Directed by Ken Loach).

My favourite film from award winning British Film Director Ken Loach. This essentially is a British working-class comedy drama about the tale of a man who goes about trying to raise enough money in order to buy his daughter’s First Communion dress.  The comedy being in the disastrous choices he makes in trying to get this money. Coronation Street’s Les Battersby(Bruce Jones) stars in the lead role and is brilliant in it.  Ricky Tomlinson also stars as one of his mates.  My favourite Brit flick and definately worth watching if you have never seen it. 4.5/5.

GARDEN STATE (2004 – Directed by Zach Braff).

Brilliant quirky comedy drama starring Zach Braff(Scrubs) and the gorgeous Natalie Portman.  A really original film which is so sweet to watch and it has this amazing soundtrack, for which it won a Grammy Award.  The tune at the end is sooooooooooo good at the end, namely ‘Let Go’ by electro pop duo Frou Frou. It is such an emotive love song and it is due to this film that I became such a massive fan of musician Imogen Heap. 4/5.

DEAD MAN WALKING (1995 – Directed by Tim Robbins).

Not one to watch in front of the children nor if you fancy a laugh, nevertheless this in an exceptional film in my opinion. It is tough to watch at times but it is worth it because it is such a moving and thought provoking film.  Sean Penn plays a character called Matthew Poncelet, who is awaiting his execution by lethal injection due to killing a teenage couple.  Susan Sarandon plays Sister Helen Prejean who counsels Poncelet and tries to get him to finally accept responsibility for his actions.  The rights and wrongs of Capital Punishment is ultimately what the film is about, with the film/director firmly in the camp that is against it. Penn gives one of the best acting performances that I have ever seen in a film. 4.5/5.

ON THE WATERFRONT (1954 – Directed by Elia Kazan).

The film that has Marlon Brando utter those famous movie words, “I coulda been a contender…”. This is Marlon Brando at his best, great old film. 4/5.

FRIED GREEN TOMATOES AT THE WHISTLE STOP CAFE (1991 – Directed by John Avnet).

I saw this film about twenty years ago so can not remember a great deal about it if I’m completely honest, apart from absolutely loving it.  It is a sweet yet moving comedy drama starring the brilliant Jessica Tandy and equally good Kathy Bates.  I love the Deep South Great Depression era subject matter and via a series of flashbacks from the present day, a lovely life affirming story is told. If I could use just one word to best describe this film then it would have to be without doubt, ‘GORGEOUS’! 4.5/5.

EDUCATING RITA (1980 – Directed by Willy Russell).

I absolutely adore this film and given my own personal circumstances(graduated as a mature student), I used to regular joke to people that I’ll soon be appearing in ‘Educating Rita 2’….although I guess then it would be then ‘Educating Andy’ ha ha. It stars Julie Walters as a Working-Class Liverpudlian woman who seeks to better herself by doing an Open University course in English Literature.  Michael Caine is her alcoholic tutor and the film shows on they each have a positive effect on one another. It is a funny, moving and very inspirational film to watch in my opinion. I love the emotive tune at the end, still gives me goosebumps whenever I hear it. 4.5/5.

CHINATOWN(1974 – Directed by Roman Polanski).

Brilliant American Neo-Noir film staring Jack Nicholson and Faye Dunaway. Full of mystery and intrigue I think this is Jack Nicholson’s greatest performance in a movie, he’s fantastic in it. If you’ve never heard of this then definitely see it. 4.5/5.

MRS DOUBTFIRE (1993 – Directed by Chris Columbus).

Not sure why but as a rule I seem to prefer movies that move me rather than make me laugh. That said, this is my favourite comedy film by far. It stars the late great Robin Williams who had me in tears with laughter in a scene towards the end of the film(where he administers the Heimlich maneuver). The well known story is all about a Father who has spilt up from his wife, and as a way to get to see his kids more he dresses up and impersonates being a Nanny.  Brilliant family film which shows us how much of a great actor and performer Robin Williams indeed was. 4/5.

REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE (1955 – Directed by Nicholas Ray).

An all-time cinema classic. Great film about the American Youth of the 1950s and marvel at the wonderfully talented actor that is James Dean. 4/5.

V FOR VENDETTA (2006 – Directed by James McTeigue).

A great political action thriller film which sees an anarchist freedom fighter in the form of ‘V'(Hugo Weaving), try to overthrow the fascist regime that has took hold of the UK. Hugo Weaving is brilliant in the lead role, like a musketeer version(he wears such a mask) of The Incredible Hulk.   Natalie Portman as his friend Evelyn is superb and I was unexpectedly moved by the story. If you liked The Matrix then you will love this. 3.5/5.

SCHINDLER’S LIST (1993 – Directed by Steven Spielberg).

A very hard film to watch in places but at the same time what a wonderful film.  This is an historical based drama about the holocaust, and one that details the heart rendering true story of Oscar Shindler. Oscar was a German businessman and invented a cover story where many Polish Jews came to work for him, thus saving their lives. I remember watching this film for the first time in my University Campus bedroom and I sobbed like a baby when watching one particular scene. It is when Oscar(Liam Neeson) collapses to his knees in floods of tears shouting out that he could have saved more(Jewish lives).  The most moving scene I have ever seen in a movie without doubt. Liam Neeson givces a breathtaking performance as Oscar Shindler and Ralph Fiennes is equally as good as the psychotic, murderous German SS Officer Amon Goeth. 5/5.

SATURDAY NIGHT AND SUNDAY MORNING (1960 – Directed by Karel Reisz).

Great gritty old UK film starring Albert Finney at his finest. It focuses on the drudgery of everyday life and how Albert Finney’s character, Arthur Seaton, rebels against this. Features the famous line, “Don’t let the bastards grind you down”. 3.5/5.

UNFORGIVEN (1992 – Directed by Clint Eastwood).

Brilliant Western starring Clint Eastwood in the lead role. I think what I remember most from watching this is how much it moved me. It won 4 Oscars which included Best Picture and Best Director. 4/5.

THE TRUMAN SHOW (1998 – Directed by Peter Weir).

In the main I am not that big of a Jim Carrey fan, however I love this film even though I must have seen it about 20 million times.  Jim Carrey’s character Truman Burbank is a star of a reality TV show yet through much of the film he is unaware of this.  As the story progresses he eventually becomes aware of this construction and thus leaves the set and film now feeling a Tru-man. This film is thus a commentary and critique about the voyeurism and false constructedness of reality TV. I think it’s a great watch. 3.5/5.

CHARIOTS OF FIRE (1981 – Directed by Hugh Hudson).

If you are sports mad like me then you will love this film. It is based on a true story about the 1924 Olympics in Paris where Scot runner Eric Liddell runs for the pleasure of God and runner Harold Abrahams(an English Jew), runs to challenge prejudice.  It is a marvellous feel good story and the famous theme tune  by Vangelis is awe inspiring. Up there with some of best British films ever made in my opinion. 4/5.

IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER (1993 – Directed by Jim Sheridan).

Brilliant true story about four people wrongly convicted of the 1974 IRA’s Guildford pub bombings.  Daniel Day-Lewis is fantastic in the lead role as Gerry Conlon, and so too is the late Pete Postlethwaite as is Father, Giuseppe Conlon.  4/5.

 THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION (1994 – Directed by Frank Darabont).

Must have seen this film about ten ot twelve times, it’s that good and always seem to be on TV.  Starring Tim Robbins as Andy Defrusne, this tells the story of a banker who gets wrongly sent to jail for supposedly killing his wife and her lover.  He befriends a guy called Ellis Boyd “Red” Redding(Morgan Freeman) and they develop this great lasting friendship, both actors they are great on screen together.  The Prison Governor uses Andy’s banking skills to launder money from the prison.  In return Andy is allowed to set up a library in the prison, as well as being protected from beatings from other inmates.  It is moving, sad and has a brilliant happy ending. If you have never seen this movie then you must, another all-time cinema classic! 4.5/5.

MY LEFT FOOT (1989 – Directed by Jim Sheridan).

The moving true story of writer and artist Chrissy Brown, who suffered with cerebral palsy from birth(he can only use his left foot). Daniel Day-Lewis delivers another stellar performance as Chrissy, duly winning a 1990 Oscar for Best Actor.  3.5/5.

GOODFELLAS (1990 – Directed by Martin Scorsese).

Brilliant Mafia film based on a true story, De Niro and Joe Pesci scare the hell out of me.4/5.

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (2005 – Directed by Ang Lee).

This is the somewhat controversial gay Cowboy film and I absolutely loved it.  It really moved me via a brilliant script, film score and super acting.  Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger were soooooo good in it, so convincing.  The only thing that really saddens me when I think about the film is that the late Heath Ledger is no longer with us, what a tragedy! 4/5. 

FILMS I HAVE SEEN THAT BELONG IN THE MOST UNDERRATED CATEGORY!

 LADYBIRD, LADYBIRD (1994 – Directed by Ken Loach).

Although very tough at times to watch(upsetting), this is a brilliant film by Ken Loach. Based on a true story, this is about a woman who keeps getting her children taken off her and taken into care.  It is moving, it is heartfelt and I thought Crissy Rock in the lead role was amazing(as Maggie Conlan).  If you’re a fan of British Film then you must see this…..just don’t expect many laughs.  4/5.

A PERFECT WORLD (1993 – Directed by Clint Eastwood).

A great drama that sees Kevin Costner playing a baddie, kind of. He has escaped from prison and befriends a young boy who he then takes as hostage and they go on a road trip together.  Costner’s character Butch Haynes is a good guy deep down however and he plays like a Father figure role to this young boy Phillip(T.J.Lowther). The interplay between these two characters is endearing and is both really well acted and written. Clint Eastwood is great as always, this time playing Texas Ranger Red Garnett who seeks to rescue the boy.  A really great film in my opinion. 4/5.

QUIZ SHOW (1994 – Directed by Robert Redford).

This apparently flopped at the box office upon release but it got nominated for an Oscar and I think it’s a hiddem gem.  It tells the true story in the 1950s of the Twenty One quiz show scandals, a popular NBC Television Network quiz show. The shows are being deliberately rigged by the producers to maintain high ratings. When they seek to oust one champion and replace him with another(to boost ratings), the deposed champion does not take it very well thus leading him eventually to report the scandal to the authorities.  I love Ralph Fiennes as an actor and he is again brilliant in this as cheating contestant Charles Van Doren.  I love watching films based on true stories and thought this was a really enjoyable watch. 4/5.

COP LAND (1997 – Directed by James Mangold).

Exclude his Rocky films and I think this is Sylvester Stallone’s greatest piece of work.  Rather than his usual larger-than-life action film stuff, here he gives a more understated type of performance.  This as a consequence shows off his acting skills more.  I never had him down as that decent of an actor until I saw him in this.  Here he plays the role of local Sheriff Freddy Heflin, unable to join the NYPD due to being deaf in one ear.  The story is about Police corruption within the NYPD and finally Freddy takes a stand against it.  The rest of the cast is great and includes the likes of Robert De Niro(as Lt Moe Tilden), Harvey Keitel(as Lt.Ray Donlan), and Ray Liotta(as Officer Gary “Figgsy” Figgis).  If you are into American Crime Drama films then you will definitely like this. 3.5/5.

JACKIE BROWN (1997 – Directed by Quentin Tarantino).

Quentin Taratino is probably most famous for making the outstanding Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs films, however a big shout out needs to go to this film.  I love the blaxploitation feel/homage he pays with this film. Pam Grier and Robert Forster are brilliant in it, particularly the latter who brings an old fashioned sense of charm to the role.  The plot is a bit tricky to follow in places but this is only a very small criticism of mine. Really great film and what an amazing tune we hear at the end of it by Bobby Womack, namely “Across 110th Street”.4/5.

FILMS I HAVE SEEN THAT I THINK BELONG IN THE MOST OVERRATED CATEGORY!

 GLADIATOR (2000 – Directed by Ridley Scott).

A surprise maybe to some that I have listed this film as overrated. Do not get me wrong  though I liked and enjoyed it, I guess I was just expecting more from it after the all the hype there had been about it.  It reminded me of Braveheart in some ways, but was a weaker version of it. I know both are completely different stories but I mean in terms narrative structure and development(both of their lovers die in them if memory serves me correctly)?  Good film but it didn’t blow me away! 3.5/5.

THE FULL MONTY (1997 – Directed by Peter Cantaneo).

I didn’t mind this comedy about six working-class male strippers from Sheffield, but again my enjoyment of it didn’t match with the mass hysteria about it at the time. Just an OK film for me, nothing more. 3/5.

TITANIC (1997 – Directed by James Cameron).

Perfectly enjoyable film but too overacted in most of it for me and knowing what was coming(them hitting the iceberg), this kept distracting me from concentrating on the present tense dialogue. I remember sitting there in the cinema watching it and just waiting for the sinking bit too start. 3/5.

TRAINSPOTTING (1996 – Directed by Danny Boyle).

Not my type of film, thought the story was shite but I have to acknowledge the great soundtrack. 2.5/5.

TWO OF THE WORST FILMS I HAVE EVER SEEN!

1. DEMOLITION MAN (1993 – Directed by Marco Brambilla).

This is officially the worst film I have ever seen. I wanted to watch Wyatt Earp but instead got outvoted by my mates who wanted to watch this.  It is around twenty years ago that I saw this so my recollection of it isn’t that fresh in the memory banks, however I just remember how absolute dire I thought it was.  I do remember though losing interest half way through it as I watched it, no it was probably more more like just after ten minutes if I’m being completely honest.  Just a crap action film with diabolical acting and the token fittie in it in the form of a very young Sandra Bullock. The two main leads played very badly were by Sylvester Stallone(as Sergeant John Spartan)  and Wesley Snipes(as Simon Phoenix). 0/5.

2. BLAME IT ON THE BELLBOY (1992 – Directed by Mark Herman).

This is a diabolical British-American comedy starring Dudley Moore, Patsy Kensit and Richard Griffiths.  It’s about as funny as a large dose of piles. 1/5.

There we have it then, hope you fancy the sound of some these films that I have listed here.  Furthermore, I hope you enjoy the ones I praised as much as I did. Watching a great film and being moved by it is such a wonderful thing. Some of these I have listed here have definitely helped to enrich my life for the better and I hope they do the same to you too!

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ITV1 WILL NOT BE SHOWING SEASON 3 OF ‘THE AMERICANS’ AND I AM SO ANNOYED ABOUT IT!

During the cold dark winter months of November and December of last year, one of the few things that kept me going was looking forward to the return of ‘The Americans’ on ITV1 in early 2015. I was relieved to hear soon after season two had ended that a third season had been recommissioned and that it should be airing on our screens sometime around late January.  I did a blog last year where I rated this American Russian Spy drama as my second favourite programme of 2014, just behind ‘Happy Valley’.  I watched it by chance once and after that just got suckered in……in a good way I mean. I just loved everything about it. Every episode seemed like a mini movie(but interlinked), and I used to really look forward to watching it every Saturday night.  THEN DISASTER STRUCK UPON READING SOME NEWS RECENTLY………………..’THE AMERICANS’ WAS DROPPED BY ITV1 IN JULY 2014!!!

I was absolutely gutted upon reading this information via a tweet from a fellow UK fan of ‘The Americans’.  I frantically searched the internet to see if this was indeed true and to my great horror the news was confirmed.  For months I had been looking forward to seeing the new series of ‘The Americans’ coming on and just when they should be about to show it, the NUMPTIES aren’t going to show the bleeding thing now……ARGH, COWABUNGA, COWABUNGA, COWABUNGA! I’m still cross about it now.  The excuse ITV gave was that it was due to a combination of falling ratings and the rights being too expensive to purchase. When I think of all the tonnes of the garbage this channel shows then I find such reasons hard to take.  Take ‘Coronation Street’, ‘Long Lost Family’ and ‘Broadchurch’ off it and I wouldn’t have a reason to watch ITV.  Do not get me started on ITV’s Simon Cowell or Louis Walsh, I could do a ten thousand word essay about how they both really irritate me.

I then found out some worse news still regarding the prospects of me ever getting to see season three of ‘The Americans’. This news was that NO OTHER UK TV NETWORK STATION OR CHANNEL IS PLANNING TO SHOW  THE NEWS SERIES OF ‘THE AMERICANS’ EITHER…….AGAIN, COWABUNGA, COWABUNGA, COWA BLEEDING BUNGA! My one fear is Sky Atlantic buying it because I’m stuffed if so, being a Virgin Media customer.  If you have Virgin then you’re unable to have this channel, don’t ask me why but it’s bloody annoying is all I know.

In my somewhat now desperate attempts to try and see this new series, I even tweeted all the major UK TV Channels to see if any of them might be showing ‘The Americans’  instead?  The rude people did not even reply to me so I take this as a big fat depressing ‘NO’. I am truly staggered that no other UK broadcaster is going to air this show, it is one of the best television programmes around at the moment for crying out loud. It seems tailor-made for say Channel 4 or even Channel 5 in my opinion.  I thought Sky Living might be up for it given it airs such US shows as ‘Blacklist’ and ‘Scandal’, but sadly it appears not to be the case.  Yesterday I even tweeted my disgruntlement about all this to the creator of ‘The Americans’, namely Joe Weisburg.  He was sympathetic but could not offer any help apart from recommending I go to the States to watch it, or try and see it via Itunes or Amazon Prime.  I also received reply on twitter from one of the actresses in it, English actress Alison Wright who plays CIA secretary Martha. She likewise was sympathetic and stated her Mum was not happy about it either(the new series not going to be shown in the UK).

I know doing this blog will not change anything or hold any sway with any TV executives but I just had to vent my frustrations some how.  I live in hope that a UK TV channel will soon buy the rights to season three of ‘The Americans’, but currently it does not seem that likely very sadly.  People who have never seen this show will no doubt wonder what the hell am I getting all worked up about?  I’ll answer that by saying that by saying this is a television show that I truly love and due to ITV dropping it, I’m no longer going to get to see it anymore. Am I gutted? GUTTED DOESN’T EVEN COME CLOSE TO HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS!!!!!

*update- Good news and bad news….for me. ITV ENCORE will be showing season 3 of ‘The Americans’ it has recently been announced. I am even more gutted regarding this because you can only get this channel if you are a SKY TV customer. I am a Virgin customer and so will not be able to get this channel because it is a SKY ONLY CHANNEL. I cannot believe this. I’m still not going to get to it then…..argh, argh, argh!

Posted in DRAMA, ITV1, POPULAR CULTURE, TELEVISION, THE AMERICANS, THE ARTS, TV, TV REVIEW, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

JOHNNY VEGAS IS MY NEW FAVOURITE COMEDY ACTOR!

I’ve got to be honest, years ago I used to find St.Helens famous comedian Johnny Vegas very UNfunny.  I can remember watching him on ‘Shooting Stars’ numerous times and he just really used to irritate the life out of me.  Whereas Bob Mortimer used to make me chuckle with his zany wit, Vegas just seemed like a drunken loud mouthed fool.  The only thing he did that made me laugh a bit were those ‘PG TIPS’ adverts with that puppet named MONKEY.  Fast forward to the present day and my opinion of him has completely changed.  I think he’s one of the funniest people on TV right now, could never envisage me saying that ten years ago.

As a fan of the much loved BBC1 sitcom ‘Open All Hours'(starring Ronnie Baker and David Jason), I was therefore intrigued to watch the pilot episode of ‘Still Open All Hours’ in 2013.  With the great Ronnie Barker sadly no longer with us this now saw Granville(David Jason) at the helm of the shop with his son Leeroy(James Baxter) as his shop assistant.  On the whole I found the show OK, wasn’t a patch on the Ronnie Barker version but it was still humorous in places nevertheless. The thing I most remember most though was laughing at a gag near the end that involved the character played by Johnny Vegas.  He played a character called ‘Wet Eric Agnew’ and his scenes were the funniest thing in it in my opinion.  The latter gag involving anchovy paste and instead of consuming it, he had mistakenly applied it to his unmentionables……….having been told by Granville how it had wonderful side effects in terms of livening up the bedroom department.

On the back of this pilot, ‘Still Open All Hours was then commissioned for six new episodes.  As I write this I have seen the first four and yet again as with the pilot, I think Johnny Vegas as ‘Wet Eric’ steals the show.  I acknowledge that ultimately it is the script of writer Roy Clarke that gives him the funny situations and funny things to say, but I do think Johnny plays the role brilliantly. I never realised it until now just what a good actor he really is. It’s his great comedic timing, his funny facial expressions and his natural delivery of the amusing lines that make him stand out as such a good comic actor. He is so good at playing this sexually frustrated married man ‘Wet Eric’, so hilarious.  One running joke is that his wife only wants to go near him when it’s going to rain(it scares her he’s said). In an effort to convince his wife it is going to rain soon, he succumbs to Granville’s efforts and ends up buying an umbrella from him. The problem being though that these umbrellas are very forceful at opening, which leads to one disastrous but very funnily scene where see ‘Wet Eric’ hiding behind a car due to one of the umbrellas having opened up inside one of his trouser pockets.  David Jason is a national treasure but Johnny Vegas is the best thing in ‘Still Open All Hours’ by far!

Never really watched the ITV1 sitcom ‘Benidorm’ up to this year because it’s never struck me as a thing I thought I would enjoy watching if I’m honest. eg too coarse and corny for me. Nevertheless, I’ve somehow ended up watching the first three episodes of the new series this year and not minded it, somewhat surprisingly. Thought episode one was amusing in parts, the second one not that funny, but last week I thought the third episode was hilarious in parts. It was hilarious primarily due to Johnny Vegas reappearing in it again as the character ‘The Oracle’.  His parody of a darts player was hilarious to watch, plus his rapport with is much beleaguered old Mother(Elsie Kelly) was soooo funny. They took part in a darts quiz which mimicked the old TV game show ‘Bullseye’.  One of the jokes was that his Mother in it couldn’t get any of the questions right, after he’d just gone and got a really big score throwing darts to win the round.  Again, the way Johnny Vegas played the role as he does with ‘Wet Eric’ in ‘Still Open All Hours’, it was just so funny to watch.  It was a very amusing script I acknowledge but it amused me so much I think due to Johnny’s unique comic acting, his exasperated voice by itself was very humourous.  After ‘Bendidorm’ ended I kept making myself grin when thinking about Johnny’s performance.

If these two shows are anything to go by then really I hope we see a lot more of Johnny Vegas acting on our TV screens, being funny like he is here.  Could be be the next Ronnie Barker even? Perhaps that is setting the bar a tad too high, although if he carries like this then he won’t end up that far behind him!

Posted in BBC, BBC COMEDY, BBC1, COMEDY, ITV1, JOHNNY VEGAS, POPULAR CULTURE, SIT-COMS, TELEVISION, THE ARTS, TV, TV REVIEW, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A DEPRESSED STEVE MCDONALD SHOULD BE PRAISED, NOT SCORNED AT!

“I don’t agree about the Steve storyline.  Bad idea to make a funny character depressing.  Boring when soaps get all worthy…”

The idea of this blog originally came from me receiving the above reply, a week or two ago on Twitter.  It comes from a tweet I sent to a friend regarding the Steve McDonald storyline in Coronation Street at the moment. Now, I should make it clear that this is a friend who I really like and usually agree with almost everything they say, on this occasion however I could not have disagreed more!

As a lifelong Corrie fan, I’ve almost always found the Steve McDonald character(played by Simon Gregson) a really enjoyable one to watch. Like many long standing fans of ‘The Street’, I’ve grown up watching Steve McDonald quite literally grow up in the show. At first he was seen squabbling and getting into lots of scrapes with his twin brother Andy, later as a grown up man we saw his turbulent relationship struggles with the so called ‘love of his life’ Becky, and then in recent years we’ve seen him mature into a mini Lord Alan Sugar owning two businesses on ‘The Street’.  Throw in a night of passion with sour mouth Tracey Barlow that resulted in them having a child together, as well as having a Dad who tried robbing a Building Society and you could say as viewers we’ve seen Steve go through rather a lot.  Latterly, Steve McDonald has developed into a funny comedy character. For example, in 2014 Simon Gregson won a Soap Award for Best Comedy Performance for his portrayal as Steve. Corrie does humour far better than any other UK Soap Opera in my opinion.

Nevertheless, regarding the recent Steve McDonald storylines his comic side has been on the decline in recent times. Yes I found it hilarious when he somehow inadvertently got involved in spending the night with Peter Barlow in a B & B(Peter falling off the wagon and admitting his affair with Tina to a horrified Steve), but even before this I can remember him having a birthday and revealing how fed up he was with his lot in life to girlfriend Michelle. It is in the latter months especially where we have seen Steve’s inner turmoil gain greater significance and prominence in the show.  He currently comes across like a tortured soul who has the weight of the world on his shoulders. The ending of his relationship with Michelle was due to low self worth and I’m assuming he went completely over-the-top with the Christmas celebrations due it being a form of avoidance. By this I mean it made him focus on something pleasant, rather than say how sad and depressed he was really feeling deep down inside.  Another example of this was him spending a fortune on a banger of a car, again a distraction from how retched he really felt I’m guessing.  His mental inner turmoil reached a peak when during the New Year Eve celebrations he was seen sobbing in a darkened room all by himself

As viewers we saw Steve’s feelings and behaviour get diagnosed as depression, when he finally plucked up enough courage to go and see his local GP about it all.  He was then supposed to tell his Mum about it and I can remember seeing him have one failed attempt at this.  Given he told Andrea(played by Hayley Tamaddon) when quizzed that he was suffering from a private physical rather than mental health problem, then I’m pretty certain he did this out of embarrassment. Embarrassment because mental health issues still carry a stigma out there in society.  How come I know this you may ask, because I’ve suffered with mental health issues since I was fifteen years old. I have watched this storyline in Corrie and thought to myself many times that I indeed feel like a real life Steve McDonald at the moment. ie depressed, worthless and low self esteem.

Back to the quote at the top then. My friend is against this ‘Steve McDonald depression’ storyline because they don’t like it when soaps/programmes get ‘all holier than thou’. Given what I’ve just said in the last paragraph about me feeling there still is a societal stigma out there attached to mental health illnesses, then I instead applaud Coronation Street for focusing on such a subject matter. There can’t be enough television programmes that highlight the harrowing plight and immense suffering of mental health illnesses in my view.  Only with greater public awareness will more and more people feel confident about openly discussing their own mental health difficulties.  If this storyline in Corrie gets the media talking more about mental health issues in the public arena, further educating the uneducated, then it will have been worth it. Furthermore, even this if storyline just gets ONE more mental health sufferer to finally reach out and seek help, then it will have been a worthwhile exercise by the producers.

Regarding stigma of mental health, it is only within the last twelve months that have I felt brave enough to start blogging about my issues. I guess being a perfectionist I want people to see me as being perfect, especially girls.  I am still hesitant and embarrassed even now talking about my mental health demons. I don’t want to be laughed at,nor seen as a ‘nutter’, or a girl I really fancy to run a mile once I mention it to her. The reaction I’ve had  to my blogs and openly discussing my mental health illness, has I’m pleased to say so far all been positive.  They have all admonished me for me saying that I feel embarrassed admitting to people I have a mental health problem. I view my depression and OCD as just one part of me.  Ultimately, it is not who I solely am and I guess I worry the uninitiated will not realise this, there is so much more to me as a person than this.  I do think mental health stigma is getting less but it still exists in my opinion. Can you imagine a group of so called ‘macho men’ all going to the pub together and them openly discussing how depressed they were all feeling over a few beers………..nope neither can I?  Yet there is a much higher chance they would chat about one of them having an achy back, or one of them suffering from a pulled muscle from playing rugby at the weekend.

This is why the depiction of Steve McDonald feeling and being depressed is such a good thing to welcome in my opinion.   It can only work to engender more open talk about mental health issues and especially from male victims of it.  It has not been a flawless depiction of a mental health illness but so far in the main I think it has been well done…….. the programme NEED PRAISING, RATHER THAN SCORNING FOR ITS EFFORTS!!

 

 

 

Posted in DEPRESSION, DRAMA, ITV1, mens health, MENTAL HEALTH, OCD, POPULAR CULTURE, SOAP OPERA, STEVE MCDONALD, TELEVISION, THE ARTS, TRUE STORIES, TV, TV REVIEW, UK TV, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

‘LAST TANGO IN HALIFAX’ CONTINUES TO GO FROM STRENGTH TO STRENGTH!

Sally Wainwright is a GENIUS, Sally Wainwright is a GENIUS, Sally Wainwright is a GENIUS, Sally Wainwright is a GENIUS, Sally Wainwright is a GENIUS!!!!

Ah that feels better, excuse the somewhat sycophantic chanting about TV writer Sally Wainwright, just needed to get that out of my system before discussing her work.  In my opinion she is the hottest writer on our television screens at the moment. ‘Happy Valley’ last year was not only the best thing I saw on television in 2014, it is no exaggeration to state it is one of the best dramas I have seen in my whole entire life……it was that good.  Two years prior to that she created another TV gem to share with us which is completely different to ‘Happy Valley’, namely the utterly fantastic drama ‘Last Tango in Halifax’. The BBC unjustly in my opinion takes a lot of flack from people who begrudge paying the licence fee, however these two shows from this incredible writer are worth paying the licence fee alone.  ‘Last Tango’ came back for a third series at the very end of 2014  and so as we’re halfway through now, I thought I’d give you my verdict so far!

Before commenting on series three though, I firstly need to point out why ‘Last Tango in Halifax’ works.  It’s rooted in originality due to its original concept/storyline being based around two widowed people in their seventies(Alan and Celia played by Derek Jacobi and Anne Reid), who rekindle a romance that they once shared sixty years ago.  As a viewer, it was such a refreshing change to see a love story depicted about two older people for a change.  There was no voyeuristic bed romping scenes as you would expect to see with much younger protagonists. No instead, by focusing on two elder characters it brought more an old fashioned sense and feel to proceedings, in a charming way I mean.

A second factor it works is due to the location/s where it is shot. The juxtaposition of Gillian’s(Nicola Walker) Ripponden working class farm with the glorious rural shots we witness, really works well against the more upmarket urban landscape in supposed Harrogate where Caroline(Sarah Lancashire) is said to reside(in reality it’s not Harrogate but Altrincham in Cheshire).  I think the emphasis on the rural and historical picturesque Yorkshire, really adds charm to the programme.

Thirdly, I need to comment on the music in ‘Last Tango in Halifax’. As well a great quirky theme tune which really suits the show, what also needs highlighting is the brilliant background music it continually has.  Referring back to ‘Happy Valley’ again for a moment, there was this bit of dramatic mood/background music that would regularly feature and when it did it literally gave me goosebumps. It was sooooooo dramatic and spellbinding that I looked forward to hearing it every episode. Therefore, I’m sat there last Sunday watching ‘Last Tango’ and upon hearing a great piece of background music to enhance the current mood of the specific bit narrative I was watching, it occurred to me just then just how fantastic Sally Wainwright really is at this.  What I mean by this is that I’ve never noticed such brilliant background music in a drama before. I’ve since read that most of the music featured in ‘Last Tango in Halifax’ is especially composed by award winning English composer Murray Gold.  Bravo him I say because it totally adds to my enjoyment of ‘Last Tango’.

Fourthly, the cast and the acting are amazing. In some shows you can spot a weak actor or actress or even a wrongly cast actor or actress. In ‘Last Tango in Halifax’ I find all the actors and actresses utterly convincing.  Derek Jacobi is brilliant as mild mannered Alan, Anne Reid is great as the lovely yet also narrow minded at times Celia, and Sarah Lancashire and Nicola give great performances as their daughters. For me, Nicola Walker starring as Gillian(Alan’s daughter) is the star of the show. Gillian is ballsy, strong and full of self loathing, all brilliantly acted by Nicola. I also think Nicola does the comedy bits of the script really well too. The rest of the cast are exceptional too in my view.

Finally, the writing of ‘Last Tango’ is ultimately what lies behind the success of it.  It’s an original idea as previously stated(two seventy year olds finding love again), and Sally Wainwright via this has delivered wonderful scripts that has given us a whole range of emotions to share as viewers. I’ve laughed out loud numerous times and have also nearly been moved to tears many times too due to the happiness and sadness of the script.  Life itself is a mixture of emotions and I think Sally gets the balance just right.  We all know Alan has a dicky heart and so I watch it hoping it’ll be OK so we get another series, although I suspect this is how the drama will ultimately come to an end sadly.  The way Sally unfolds the plot and intertwines it all, it is a master stroke in storytelling my opinion.

Three weeks ago I therefore sat down rather excitedly to watch the return of ‘Last Tango in Halifax’ on the Beeb(series three).  I’m not sure if I felt slightly ill or something but I wasn’t bowled over by this first episode of series three.  Don’t get me wrong it was perfectly enjoyable however the new big storyline just felt a tad too contrived and convoluted for me.  The main vehicle in moving the story forward here was the revelation that Alan whilst married once had a fling and fathered a boy that he knew nothing about. Episode one focused his son, now a grown man, contacting Gillian to see if Alan was indeed his Father as he suspected? I’m not sure why, but I just don’t know if I fully believed this would have happened.

However, by the end of episode two the week after I was fully enjoying it once again. These initial reservations I had about the new storyline had completely gone and I can distinctly remember telling a loved one how good it had been afterwards.  Again we were taken on a rollercoaster of emotions.  As well the once adulterous Alan news to get over, there was the sombre news that John(Caroline’s ex husband played by Tony Gardner) and his girlfriend Judith(Ronni Ancona) had lost their baby and yet she still had to give birth to it.  That happened to a cousin of mine and his wife so it held particular resonance with me.  Such darker stories were counter balanced with the very funny ones regarding Gillian’s sexual exploits. She was confronted at her job in the supermarket with a vibrator that wouldn’t switch off, by Robbie’s then very unhappy girlfriend Cheryl(revenge for Cheryl for Gillian sleeping with Robbie behind her back). Episode three also involved Gillian drinking too much again which resulted in her disastrously sleeping with John again, as well as her sending a funny but very offensive text to Caroline(for Caroline being rude to Alan on her wedding in episode two).

Episode three ended on a dramatic cliffhanger though and a very unexpected one at that.  After dropping one of Caroline’s kids off at a friends and the other off at the Train Station, Kate(Caroline’s new spouse played by Nina Sosanya)  was involved in a major car accident.  It ended with us hearing Caroline in floods of tears after receiving some horrific news from a hospital consultant about Kate’s condition. Kate couldn’t really be dead could she…….really??? It was great jaw dropping television, all the more because I was completely unaware this was going to happen(things like this usually leak out in the press prior to the event).  As it ended I sat there for a few moments with my mouth left wide open, stunned in disbelief at what I just saw.  The day after this dramatic cliffhanger in ‘Last Tango’ I saw a headline on the internet by some TV reviewer that was now questioning  if Sally Wainwright had gone ‘too dramatic’ all of a sudden? I cussed at such a remark because this dramatic ending was unbelievably gripping to watch, rather than one that should be criticised. ‘Last Tango in Halifax’ is back on top form once again, better than ever, and I for one just can’t get enough of it!

Posted in BBC, BBC COMEDY, BBC DRAMA, BBC ORIGINAL DRAMA, BBC1, DRAMA, LAST TANGO IN HALIFAX, lesbianism, MELODRAMAS, POPULAR CULTURE, SALLY WAINWRIGHT, SARAH LANCASHIRE, TELEVISION, THE ARTS, TV, TV REVIEW, twitter, UK TV, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

THE LYMPHOGRAM WENT FANDABIDOZI…………….FOR NOW!

The 5th of January 2015 was a day I wanted to happen and be over with as quickly as possible, but at the same time it was a day I had also been dreading many days before. I had a scan called a lymphogram booked that day at one of my local Hospitals.  After a few years with puffy lower legs it was diagnosed this Summer as suspected lymphoedema. Lymphoedema is when a certain lymph gland/s are not working correctly in your body, not draining the fluid away properly hence causing the fluid build-up and swelling. I have been told there is a therapy that can help alleviate some of this excess fluid called Manual Lymph Drainage.  The only drawback being that not many qualified practitioners of this therapy exist because it is such a specialised thing. I have been lucky enough however to find two people in my area who are qualified to give me this treatment.  Nevertheless, after seeing a Vascular Consultant at the hospital I was told I needed to have a lymphogram done on me first, before letting anybody administer such treatment on me. The doctor just wants to make sure everything is as expected before they OK it.  Therefore, for the last few months I have been stuck in terms of getting my lymphoedema improved.  Stuck also in terms of getting physio for my back and pelvis, kind of stuck with life.  I guess I could have had physio on my upper back whilst I waited for this scan however I want to focus on my back once I’ve got more on top of the lymphoedema.  The scan therefore couldn’t come quick enough. I was very apprehensive before going though. What if the scan really hurt? I was majorly worried how I would cope with my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder issues, lets face it dodgy stains and smells are aplenty in hospitals.  I also wanted to try and get the Manchester Metrolink coming home, partly because I have major contamination issues and worries about getting taxis at the moment…..but getting the Metrolink instead would also be quite a challenge.

I arrived at 9.15am ish and even though the taxi man took me all around the ruddy houses, I was happy that I didn’t smell anthing dodgy in it when we finally got there. I reported at the desk at 9.30am but was not seen until about thirty minutes later. Going to the Nuclear Medicine place I thought I smelt something unpleasant in one of the corridors however I could not back out now, I just had to fight it and continue walking to the department. The way I dealt with it was to think look, you can throw away the stuff I have on when I get home. It was better to think I’ll do that and accept possibly being/feeling contaminated rather than not actually going for the scan. Like I have said, getting better with my physical health and in some respects my mental health issues, greatly depend on me getting help for this lymphodema first, and this all thus leads on from me having the scan.

Back to the actual lymphogram itself, the only downside or bit that hurt was the dye injections at the very start of it.  I had one injected between my big toe and next toe and the woman doing it stated it would be like a bee sting. If it was a bee then it must have been a big bumble bee because I really did have to clinch my teeth together whilst the pain took about five seconds to fade away, but after that it was fine. It hurt more than I expected but it also could have been worse. Five minutes later now back in the waiting room, I was then called to have my first  scan.  I just had to lie down on this metal bed fully clothed as this scan machine slowly worked its way down my body. It was utterly painless and took about twelve minutes in total. I was then told to come back in about one hour to have my second scan done. Once this was done I was then told to come back in about one hour and fifteen minutes for my third and final scan. Apparently the repetition of the scans was done to see how well or not, the injection was going through my body I think…..to show which lymph glands were blocked. I came away feeling rather pleased that I’d been able to cope OCD wise having the scans done. That was until I saw this cocky male doctor coming straight towards me as I was walking from the scanning place.  My quick step to the left to get out of his way(I did a cocky snigger back haha) then made me see this dodgy brown stain on the hospital corridor floor and then made me worry I may have trodden in it argh. I panicked but coped well. I had the long journey yet on two Metrolink Trams with tonnes of walking so it didn’t matter if I was now contaminated and would thus be contaminating the subsequent trams I’d be going on. Two funny incidents happened on my way out from the hospital. Firstly, I went to the local WRVS shop to buy a newspaper because I needed change for the trams. I only had a twenty pound note on me and when I handed an old dear this who was serving, you’d have thought I’d just said to them I’ve just been found guilty of committing murder. Oooh the looks and stares they gave me, along with the following half joking/half serious remarks, “oooh that’s naughty, very naughty”. I thought gee whizz, it’s always me ha ha ha. Upon leaving the hospital and entering outside I then got fully hit with the strong smell of weed/cannabis. I looked in the direction of the smell and there can you believe was a hospital worker in a green gown/outfit puffing away with his mate. Now I know the hospital I went to was in a bit of a rough area but surely that is taking a bit of a risk isn’t it? It could just have been his dodgy looking civilian mate smoking a joint but it did make me wonder…….and chuckle ha ha. Oh and regarding getting the scan results, I was told at the end that it takes about a week to two weeks for them to get back too my hospital Consultant. I’ll then have to wait for a letter from the hospital  for them to tell me when I am to attend one of their Vascular Clinics to get the results. I might be being pessimistic here but I can not see me getting them for a further six to eight weeks……so ll roads lead from there really.

Going home then, beforehand I had set myself the target of trying to get the Metrolink home. I had never got the Metrolink from this stop before so it was always going to be a bit of a challenge, regarding my OCD and anxiety issues more than anything else I mean.  I nearly walked in two massive dollops of dog shite but luckily I managed to get on the tram relatively unscathed.  I even managed to go to a supermarket on my to the tram stop. It reminded me of shopping for myself at Uni, the feel of independence and doing something productive(the scan bit I mean) felt great. Getting the tram was great therapy for me. I panicked a bit as the tram rolled through Manchester City Centre, as it stopped on Market Street. Panicked I guess because such streets are very contaminated in my eyes, I once remember seeing a right pile of vomit on the Market Street Metrolink Platform.  I coped however and after another tram change, the walk home from the local tram station was the only thing I had left to do. The long walk home felt great.  I truly believe those who say exercise releases some kind of positive chemicals within the body, it is what I’d been missing. I managed to avoid walking in any dog poo(this is an old OCD phobia of mine) and when I finally got home I felt somewhat elated. It had been a long tiring day but I was high on adrenaline I suppose, proud of myself for coping with the day. The person I was that day was the person who I used to be like………and more importantly, who I indeed like and want to be again.  I had been busy all day doing something productive(all in the name of trying to get my health better). I wasn’t thinking about my OCD all the time(even though this blog must seem like I had been). I had the ‘old Andy cocky swagger back’. I enjoyed doing fake hard poses on the tram, I’m laughing now thinking about it hahaha(but it stops me hassled by idiots ha).  I loved doing the walking, I’ve missed doing exercise and long for the day when my dodgy back and pelvis allow me to do more.  I FELT ALIVE AT LONG LAST AND SAW A TINNY GLIMPSE OF JUST HOW BETTER LIFE COULD BE ONCE MY HEALTH ISSUES IMPROVE!

Posted in ANXIETY, cellulitis, HEALTH, LYMPH GLANDS, LYMPHOEDEMA, mens health, MENTAL HEALTH, NHS, OCD, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I ACCIDENTALLY ATE SOME PIG YESTERDAY…AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT WALKERS CRISPS..ARGH…KIND OF! ;D

As a man who has just recently turned the tender age of thirty eight ha ha, I first became a vegetarian around the age of seventeen. At seventeen I had this female Sociology A-level teacher who was an ardent veggie and so every lesson it seemed, she would regale us with some anecdote as to why we should be ones too. I say regale,was more like horrify to be honest. I can still recall her going on about the awful condition battery hens were kept in. I can still recall her going on about how they made Polo Mints and this in particular made me feel on uneasy because I was a regular sucker of them…Polos I mean! Therefore, as an impressionable young adult it was not long before her endless anti-meat eating tales worked on me and I became a full-time vegetarian. I think to my late Dad me going veggie was some slight against my macho manhood ha ha. I can still remember us going on holiday in this hotel and him saying to the owners, “Oh, it’s just a phase he’s going through”…God bless the old fool ha h ha ha.  Anyway, I have proved him wrong as I’m still a veggie to this day.

You ask any vegetarian and they’ll be able to entertain with some horror stories(albeit very funny ones), when they ate meat sometime by mistake.  My disastrous highlight was when I was twenty-one and had gone into some fast-food bar whilst drunk, and I ordered a veggie burger.  When I had got back to my student digs I was still pissed and so when I took the first bite out of this supposed veggie burger and thought it tasted like a meat one, I too inebriated to care and just carried on eating……………..BIG MISTAKE! I’m not going to graphically describe the state of my bowels post meat burger, but the phrase ‘BOMBAY BELLY’ springs to mind if you know what I mean….and the WC became my best friend for two days ha ha ha, I can laugh about it now but never again ARGH!

Now I guess you describe me a lazy vegetarian. I’m not one of those earthy, free loving veggie types that regular makes stuff like Lentil Risotto or Cabbage and KidneyBean Stew(if such meals exist, I’m sure some veggies have made them somewhere) ha ha. Nope, I instead eat more meat substitute stuf……….’boooooooooo ,CHEAT, CHEAT, CHEAT, I hear you cry’ ha. I mean the type of stuff supermarkets and the likes of Holland and Barrett’s sell. I love eating Pot Noodles because it’s soya meat. I love eating ‘pretend bacon’ and ‘pretend sausages’….even if most of my family and friends mock that they taste like cardboard ha ha!

This leads me on to crisps. I unashamedly love crisps because as a diabetic type one also since the age of seventeen, this means I can not eat lots of sweet stuff. For years I’ve eaten meat flavoured crisps safe in the knowledge that they are all ‘vegetarian friendly’, because it is just meat flavouring rather than coming from actual meat. WALKERS CRISPS have changed the bloody rules to this however by now doing meat flavoured crisps that ARE NOT vegetarian friendly. Three or four times in the last year I’ve gone to open a bag of say chicken or beef flavoured Walkers crisps, only to discover JUST IN TIME that there is no magic ‘Approved by the Vegetarian Society’ ‘V’ on them. I don’t why Walkers are doing this all of a sudden? I can only eat so many bags of Cheese & Onion and Tomato sauce flavoured ones guys…..gee whiz ha.

Anyway, yesterday was a hectic day for me. I’d been up very early to go for a lymphogram scan at the hospital(checks out your lymph glands) and so when I entered a Morrisons six hours later I was a combination of being really knackered but high on life that the day had gone well.  I then stumbled upon the crisps section and started surveying which ones didn’t have WHEAT in because I reckon I’ve just discovered I could be allergic. I descended upon these new bacon ones from Walkers that claimed to be ‘deliciously extra crunchy’….oooh they looked the job for I thought so I duly bought a big pack. After another two hours via public transport I landed home and couldn’t get these new bacon crisps  from Walkers opened quick enough. I reckon by about 11pm I had devoured two-thirds of the bag.  THEN DISASTER STRUCK, it suddenly occurred me that I remember checking they were OK wheat wise but not veggie wise…FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, true enough as I then looked I discovered they weren’t vegetarian friendly and I’d fallen into into the trap of assuming they must be…cos all crisps used to be  veggie friendly argh. WALKERS WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, through your change of tactics I’ve now eaten PIG for the first time in years…well OK technically crisps aren’t an actual pig but you get my point……………..I hope ha ha! I DEMAND A MASS PROTEST UNTIL WALKERS MAKE ALL THEY MEAT FLAVOURED CRISPS, VEGGIE FRIENDLY AGAIN. I WANT WOMEN VEGGIE BURNING THEIR  VEGGIE BRAS IN PROTEST………………I’LL EVEN SACRIFICE A FEW PAIRS OF MY PINK UNDERPANTS! ;D

WALKERS CRISPS, THIS TIME YOU’VE PICKED ON THE WRONG VEGGIE………………YOU’VE NO IDEA THE  LETHAL THINGS I CAN DO WITH A MARROW AND AUBERGINE IN MY HANDS! THIS ISN’T A BATTLE………..THIS IS VEGGIE CRISPS WAR! ;D

(If any people reading this took this seriously then don’t, it was a VEGGIE CRISP PARODY)

THANK YOU! ;D

 

Posted in COMEDY, FOOD, RANT, TRUE STORIES, Uncategorized, VEGETARIANISM | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment