Against All Odds

Posted on October 10, 2020 by SCARFMAN

World Mental Health Day, Saturday, October 10th, 2020.  Time to celebrate my life.  Time to tell the world what I have completely been through.  Time to finally shout out loud, “I AM HAPPY TO BE ALIVE!”

“I WISH I WAS DEAD!”  Breaking down and shouting these words out loud in the middle of an A-level Media Studies lesson, is a sad memory of mine that will live with me forever.  Looking back, I now know that this was rather a cry for help.  Help to end my suffering from severe contamination OCD. 

Type one diabetes at 17 years old and diagnosed with OCD at 18.  I loved sixth form, but dreaded walking to and from the bus stop.  What if I walked in dog dirt I worried?  What about going to the toilet too? At my worst, I was having at least three showers a day (using soap and bleach), due to going to the toilet making me feel all dirty and contaminated.

Here I am aged 22, in my student pose. Inside though I was really struggling with my OCD.

At home I was self-harming and rowing endlessly with my dad. Quite rightly, he was not happy at how I was treating my mum, regarding me yelling at her as she constantly decontaminated areas of the house for me. Around this time I tried getting help, but never really fully engaged with my therapists because I was too scared.  I was too frightened of standing up to the bully that is OCD.

I lost my dad when I was 21, he died from heart disease.  I had never lost anybody close to me before so was unsure how to grieve.  I tried carrying on at university like everything was fine, except of course it was not.   Eventually, it got to the stage where I could not talk or even just think about him without crying.  I saw a bereavement counsellor which helped enormously.

I redid the year at university, but something was clearly not right with my physical health.  I was needing to urinate all the time.  As soon as I had gone, I wanted to go again straight away.  I was in agony all inside my pelvic area too.  All I wanted to do was to get my degree, become a Careers Counsellor, and get a girlfriend.  I felt emasculated from my masculinity because I knew girls on my course fancied me, but I could not do anything about it due to feeling so unwell. 

I had to have two investigations to rule out prostate cancer.  They came back negative and eventually I was diagnosed with a condition called chronic bacterial prostatitis (a prostate infection).  I was told I would have an irritable bladder for the rest of my life.  The thing that kept me going throughout all this though was believing in hope.  Hope that one day I would get over all of this. Graduating was my dream, and so nothing was going to stop me.

Eventually, I went back to university and I graduated I am pleased to report.  My OCD dog dirt phobia though was raging at this time.  We also had two mice at my university flat which was horrendous to deal with.  Pelvic pain wise, I was in agony as well as suffering from numerous other physical ailments.

Here I am in 2008, finally achieving my dream of graduating. Little did I know though that my biggest OCD trauma was just around the corner!

To cut a long story short, I am not sure how I got through the next ten years.  My physical health plummeted, and my OCD flared up in a way I had not thought possible up to that point. Regarding the former, I shall now list what I went through:

* Gallstones surgery

* Sinus surgery

* Hernia surgery

* Diagnosed with spondylolisthesis in my lumbar spine (complete fracture, for life)

* Diagnosed with chronic pelvic pain

* Diagnosed with primary lymphoedema in both my legs (for life)

Every new illness or condition that I got felt like another body blow to me.  I was not sure how much more I could take.  Again, throughout this time, all I wanted was just a professional career and a girlfriend.  Was this too much to ask I endlessly wondered to myself?

This next bit is hard to write about because it is where my OCD exploded.  I unknowingly sat in vomit at my local doctors.  Except, I did not realise it until some twenty-four hours later, which meant I had spread the smell of sick all over the house.  I became a recluse, suicidal, and started to self-harm once more.

I can still remember lying in bed back then (10-11 years ago), and being almost being too frightened to breathe in, because I was that petrified of smelling sick again.  I threw all my beloved clothes away, my computer away, and demanded the house be decontaminated about a million times.  I had reached rock bottom and things could not have got any worse.

A big turning pointing for me, was finally accepting that I needed help with my OCD.  It started with me getting a second opinion on the NHS.  This time this new mental healthcare team seemed to be immediately on my side.  It felt like my last chance to get better, so I promised myself I would give it everything I had.

I started taking mental health medication for the first time in my life.  I could not take tablets due to my sore pelvic floor issues, so my Psychiatrist suggested I try two in oral solution form.  They were not a cure, but over time I noticed I was no longer too scared to actively participate in CBT (exposures).

I went shopping in supermarkets after TEN years of isolation.  I walked around shopping centres, embracing the contamination anxiety that fully came my way.  I wanted to travel on public transport again, so at the start, stood rather than sat down in trains and buses.  It was like I had a chisel and hammer in my hands, and I had to keep chipping away at my OCD. Week by week I could feel myself improving. 

Week by week I upped the exposures. I sat down in restaurants, went into pubs and bars (which I could never have seen myself doing ever again), and stopped throwing my new clothes away.  I was not cured, but my OCD was manageable.

I also started going to my local gym and was amazed to discover that it really helped to decrease my chronic pelvic pain.  I had experienced this awful condition for TWENTY-ODD YEARS.  Before I got it, I was extremely active and played in various sports teams.  The fact I could now exercise once more was huge progress for me.  I am almost crying happy tears as I tell you this.

The mental health meds have saved me without a doubt.  Furthermore, I also think I have finally saved MYSELF too.  I finally started to stand up to my contamination fears. I stopped being the victim.  I refused to give up on myself.  Again, hope is what got me through the very dark times. 

I guess you could say that I am now finally at peace with myself.  I have forgiven myself with how I behaved back then with my loved ones regarding my OCD.  There is no point looking back in anguish at how long it has taken me to get better because it is wasted energy. Instead, I must only look forwards which I am starting to do now.

Against all odds, I am finally ready to get a professional career in Copywriting that I absolutely crave. Against all odds, I am finally ready to fall in love.  Against all odds, I am finally ready to admit to you that I am thankful to be ALIVE!

Here I am in 2019, a night out with friends and enjoying life. I could cry happy tears at how far I have come in my recovery from OCD!

Posted in ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, EMOTION, grief, HEALTH, mens health, MENTAL HEALTH, NHS, OCD, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Football is back, hallelujah. My mental health in lockdown!

Posted on July 18, 2020 by SCARFMAN

No football in lockdown

‘People say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.’  My dear love for Manchester United Football Club can be applied to this saying.  You see, coronavirus (Covid-19) lockdown was the very first time in my forty-three-year-old life, that football had ceased to exist.

I felt utterly bewildered at times with no football.  It felt like an important part of me was missing.  This is going to be a blog where I celebrate its return and discuss just how intrinsic it is to my very existence.

Benefits of exercise on my mental health

In a recent blog of mine entitled ‘Contamination OCD in lockdown’ , I detail how important exercise has been to me as a coping strategy during lockdown.  Many of us use exercise to help us de-stress from the stresses of daily life.  Indeed, in an article by Sport England, they even describe exercise as a ‘wonder drug’ in preventing and managing mental health.

Benefits of watching sport exist

What about the benefits from following sport though, notably football?  Every weekend in the season I plan my weekend around following Man United on the radio or telly.  Two weeks into lockdown without any football and I noticed just how much I was desperately missing it.  It was therefore no surprise to me when I read being an avid sports fan is also great for your mental health.  Studies out there have proven it makes people happier.

My Man United love affair

I first started following United in the early 1980s.  Even though my late dad supported Manchester City in blue, in the United red corner were my Godfather and his son Jonathan.  Being a United fan now is as natural to me as say my name and my date-of-birth are.  Ultimately, my Man United fandom is a big part of my identity.

Me in 1985 after Man United had won the FA Cup. I’m wearing a Norman Whiteside ‘Rambo’ T-Shirt.

Growing up, I was always seen wearing the latest Man United strip.

Sports fandom

The writer Brianna Wiest, states how important sports fandom is in especially difficult times.  Following my beloved Red Devils (United’s nickname), I now realise it gives me a strong sense of belonging which thus brings me comfort.  Indeed, research shows that a weak sense of belonging is linked with depression.  Therefore, I guess you could argue that I was starting to suffer in lockdown because this sense of belonging feeling, was starting to get diluted somewhat.

Escapism

In lockdown with no football on, I undoubtedly missed the escapism of it all.  I missed the endless transfer speculation in the media that I used to think about nearly every bedtime.  I missed chatting to my fellow United fans after games on social media about how well we had played.  I even missed the footy banter of my Liverpool (arch-rivals to United) supporting best mate Steve.  As ex pro Kevin George has written and I fully concur, ‘football can take you out of your reality.’

When football returned a few weeks ago on TV, I can remember thinking watching United playing behind closed doors was going to be a bit like hard work, i.e. lack of crowd atmosphere.  Nevertheless, ten minutes in and I had forgotten all about the non-crowd.  I was back cheering on my team and life felt good again.  I had so missed this being part of my life.  I had missed the positive mind occupation that supporting a team can bring you.

I never realised just how much I would miss following football.  Lack of identity, lack of comradeship, and a lack of a community feeling, are all what hit me the hardest.  Now it is back on I no longer feel alone. Now it is back on, no longer do I feel on my own in this rather divisive and disconnected world!

Another photo, another opportunity for me to tell the world just how much I love Man United!

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Be bold men, become a scarfsexual with Scarfman Scarves!

Posted on July 14, 2020 by SCARFMAN

The birth of the scarfsexual

The shocking news is that metrosexuality is now dead! Well, it is according to the man who first coined this term back in the 1994, Mark Simpson. Apparently, there are that many sensitive straight men today who take pride in their appearance, that such a label is now deemed obsolete.

It is tough being modern man because he is in a constant state of evolution.  Simpson now argues that the spornosexual has taken the place of the metrosexual.  Here, the focus is on worshipping the male body rather than his clothes.

Nevertheless, we at Scarfman Scarves believe being a bold scarfsexual is now where it is at for men.  This new term quite simply means men who like wearing and feeling beautiful in scarves.  He cries at films and is in touch with his feminine side, yet also loves his boxing and football.  It is time to fully embrace the boldness of a scarf, the greatest male fashion accessory of them all!

Excite an outfit

Men do not have as many fashion accessories to play around with as much as women do. Therefore, wearing a scarf with an outfit can really give it that extra bit of pizzazz.  Be bold with your scarf choice and you will most definitely stand out from the crowd.

Make sure you wear your scarf with something plain though.  The worst thing you can do is wear a jazzy shirt or top that competes for attention with the scarf.

Choose bright colours

Bright colours can give you a psychological boost, so be bold with your scarf colour choice.  Heaven knows we all need a boost currently what with suffering post-Brexit and Coronavirus (COVID-19) blues.  Our most popular scarf colour right now is pink.

Once thought of as a colour that had links to homosexuality and girliness, pink on men now is seen as a sign of strength.  A man in pink gives connotations that he does not fear becoming an outsider.  He is a man that welcomes challenging the norms and broadening the minds of people.

Pink scarves are also great because they go with a whole multitude of other colours. Black, brown, blue, green, and yellow are just to name a few.  Pink goes with every skin colour as well.

Be bold with your scarf colour choice, choose pink.

 

A scarf for every season

The great thing about scarves is that they can be boldly worn all year round.  You can choose a warm cosy woolly one for winter, or light fabrics like linen or cotton when the weather is warmer.

Feel beautiful

The legendary Hollywood actress Audrey Hepburn once said, ‘When I wear a silk scarf I never feel so definitely like a woman, a beautiful woman.’  Well, here at Scarfman Scarves, we want you men to feel like this whenever you wear one of our silk scarves. We want you to feel like an unashamed beautiful man.

Metrosexuals may well indeed be dead, but never has there been a better time to be a bold scarfsexual.  Come along with us for the ride at Scarfman Scarves.  Give yourself that sartorial elegance that you fully deserve!

 

 

 

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Undertaker: The Last Ride – A Series Review

Posted on June 28, 2020 by SCARFMAN

An emotional farewell to The Undertaker!

‘Rest in peace.’  If you know anything about professional wrestling, then you will know that these three words belong to The Undertaker.  Undertaker: The Last Ride, was a five-part documentary series that for the first time ever looked at the man behind this WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) legendary character, namely Mark Calaway.

Produced by Calaway, and in collaboration with the WWE network, this documentary series chronicled Calaway’s life over a three-year period (2017-2020).

The greatest compliment to give this programme is that it never dragged once.  It was entertaining throughout, informative, and constantly emotive in a way that had never been expected prior to watching.

When we first see Calaway, he is in a state of inner turmoil.  He keeps thinking about his retirement from wrestling.  He knows The Undertaker cannot go on forever and does not want to cheapen his act by becoming a parody of himself.  The problem being though that he loves the wrestling business. He also loves the CEO and owner of the WWE, Vince McMahon.

This documentary was so riveting because up to this point, Calaway had shied-away from doing many media interviews as himself.  As he told us, he did this on purpose to maintain the mystique of the character of The Undertaker.

The format of the episodes took the form of archive footage mixed with present-day interviews.  For the first time ever, we saw Calaway at his home talking to us like a dear friend.  These pieces to camera felt like very privileged access because they resembled psychological therapy sessions.  There was something so moving about seeing such a big man talking to us so honestly and tenderly.

As this documentary started, I feared it being a glorified public relations exercise by the WWE.  I feared it would not depict the hardships and uncertainties of a wrestler’s life.  Thankfully, it did not play out this way.  Calaway detailed how his fame had come at an extreme cost to his body.  He revealed to us how he had gone through fifteen surgeries to help stretch out his career.

This documentary worked so well because he endlessly detailed his insecurities to us.  Again, this had never been seen before.  He is a perfectionist as a performer and so was extremely critical of himself.  He talked openly about how he now worried about getting life changing injuries in the squared circle, due to now being a devoted husband and father.

Having been a massive fan of The Undertaker in my childhood, I desperately hoped that I would like the man who is behind this dead-man persona.  His lack of a big ego was why he was so likeable.  He came across as just a regular guy who just so happens to be one of the greatest wrestlers of-all-time.

If you are a wrestling fan then you will love Undertaker: The Last Ride.  Nevertheless, you will also love this documentary if you are not.  At its heart this is a documentary about kindness, love, and the strength of the human spirit.  ‘Rest in peace’, The Undertaker, and hello world to the real Mark Calaway! 5/5.

Posted in EMOTION, ENTERTAINMENT, FAMILY, POPULAR CULTURE, TV, TV REVIEW, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Contamination OCD in lockdown

Posted on June 17, 2020 by SCARFMAN

Suffering with Obsessive-compulsive disorder whilst in Covid-19 lockdown was always going to be a big challenge for me, but two things have saved me.

Me last Summer pre-lockdown. (Image: Andy Lloyd)

For those of you who do not know my mental health story, I have blogged about it extensively in the past.  It is a story of triumph over adversity and has even been featured in the press.

Things were going well with my OCD and I had just seen a careers adviser who had given me the exciting idea of trying to become a copywriter.  Then, coronavirus happened, and I found myself in lockdown. I am a type one diabetic so classed in a vulnerable category.

Being in lockdown was bound to make my OCD worse.  This is because being at home with less stuff to think about can lead to my ruminations worsening.  It is where I catastrophize upon catastrophize about my OCD worries.

OCD and studying

Positive mind occupation is pivotal in combatting this though.  Therefore, online studying proved to be one of my saviours.  I got a Distinction in a Copywriting Diploma. I then decided to do another in the form of an SEO content course.

When I study it forces me to push my irrational thoughts to one side.  I love who I am when I am studying.

Treating OCD with exercise

My other saviour in lockdown has been buying a rowing machine.  As Mind outline, exercise makes you feel positive and joyful about yourself.

Whatever worries I have before I row, I have completely forgot about them by the end.

The rower. (Image: Andy Lloyd)

Studying and exercise helped save me during lockdown. Going forward, I hope they can help save you too.

Posted in ANXIETY, HEALTH, MENTAL HEALTH, OCD, TRUE STORIES, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I CAME, I SAW AND I CONQUERED …ME AND MY COPYWRITING COURSE DREAMS!

Posted on April 15, 2020 by SCARFMAN

I FINALLY GRADUATED WITH A DISTINCTION IN MY COPYWRITING DIPLOMA!

For those of you who follow me on social media, you’ll have recently learnt that I had some great news last Easter Monday.  After 181 days of doing an online CMP(College of Media and Publishing) Level 4 Diploma in Copywriting, I got the news that I had passed with a DISTINCTION grade.

I am over-the-moon because I gave it absolutely everything I had.  I put my heart and soul into it.  I am a perfectionist by nature and so had set my heart on getting a Distinction.  I am not going to lie to you, I would have been pretty gutted if I had not got a Distinction.

I enjoyed the course that much that I would now love a career as a Copywriter.  As the course progressed I sort of fell in love with it(sounds a bit strange perhaps)?  I love writing and so got such a buzz at completing the assignments.  Copywriting really does feel like my true calling in life.

I have to congratulate CMP for putting together such a fabulous course.  It was challenging at times for me, but always felt challenging in a good way.  At times it really stretched me and I loved this about it.

My tutor Lucy was incredible with me.  She was constantly helpful, encouraging and supportive.  Her expert guidance made me believe in myself more.  I messaged her numerous times to say I was struggling with my latest assignment, only for her words of help to give me that final push in attempting to write it.  Lucy’s constructive criticisms have now made me become a better writer without a shadow-of-a-doubt.  I owe Lucy a lot, thank you!

There are too many other people to individually thank in this blog(and it would get boring to read me just listing names), for the support and encouragement they showed me during my time doing this course.  If you are one of these people then I truly cannot thank you enough.

The original plan post-passing my course, was to then go back to my old uni careers department and ask them for some help with me looking for a Junior Copywriter job.  However, the current circumstances with the coronavirus situation mean this will have to be postponed for the time being.  I have therefore decided to do another online course with the CMP.  To compliment my Copywriting one, I’ve decided to do a SEO(Search Engine Optimisation) content writing course.

Doing another course is a great way to improve my CV further, as well as helping with my mental health.  Regarding the latter, positive mind occupation is a key coping strategy I use with my contamination OCD.

I just wanted to socially document this latest academic achievement in my life by doing a short blog about it.  I came, I saw and I conquered my Copywriting course dreams. Now it is time for the next chapter, now it is time to conquer even more!

 

 

 

 

Posted in ANXIETY, COMPLIMENT, EMOTION, MENTAL HEALTH, TRUE STORIES, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

LAST TANGO IN…..A BIT OF A LET-DOWN! Last Tango in Halifax – series 5 – episode 4 review.

Posted on March 16, 2020 by SCARFMAN

 

Writer and creator Sally Wainwright, is a genius in my eyes.  Her Happy Valley for example, is one of the greatest TV dramas ever made.  I have also always been a big fan of Last Tango in Halifax too.  There is something very British about it.  It is quirky, funny and emotive, as well as the acting always being superb.

However, series 5 of Last Tango was a bit of let-down. Indeed, the fourth and final episode last night was rather corny and weak.  There was a lack of any narrative tension built-up within these four episodes.  I didn’t really care last night what happened to Alan’s (Derek Jacobi) brother Ted (Timothy West), because we never really got to know him that well as a character anyway.

I found the unlikely scenario of the young lad Harrison (Liam McCheyne), driving Ted to the seaside completely unbelievable.  Harrison looked about 12, yet we were supposed believe that no member of the public would have spotted him driving and so reported him?

Another unbelievable aspect was Celia’s (Anne Reid) continued obsession with wanting a new kitchen.  I know she is supposed to be a snob, but would anybody really care that much about it? Another disappointing narrative strand that got resolved, was us finding out who had painted the giant giraffe on the outside of Gillian’s (Nicola Walker) barn.  It turned out to be a mate of Raff’s (Josh Bolt), in some half-baked scheme to try and raise some funds for Gillian.  It just had a anticlimactic feel about it all, together with other narrative strands.

There was this scene near the end where we saw Alan and Celia in church together.  Some would argue it was a brilliantly acted emotive scene.  I on the other hand, found it really drawn out and dull.  I also didn’t really get the point of us seeing teacher Ruth (Lu Corfield), at home having an F-word exchange with her husband.  Was it supposed to show us that Ruth was stronger than we had thought, thus not the stereotypical victim?

Having said all of that, this final episode was not a complete car crash.  It still maintained this charming quality about it all which I adore.  This comes from the brilliance of having two elderly actors in Derek Jacobi and Anne Reid, star as the two main characters.  It just lacked the usual Sally Wainwright brilliance in my view.

Has this show now run its course I wonder?  Quite possibly is my answer.  I would have made this the last series and dramatically killed off Alan or Celia, preferably the former.

I really expected to have enjoyed this series 5 finale, but yet again I have to be honest and say it was a bit of a let-down for me.  Roll on series 3 of Happy Valley I say, because I’m just not sure how much more of Last Tango in Halifax, I can now take! 3/5

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in BBC, BBC DRAMA, BBC ORIGINAL DRAMA, BBC1, DRAMA, ENTERTAINMENT, POPULAR CULTURE, TELEVISION, THE ARTS, TV, UK TV, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

FIGHTING BACK FROM MY CHRONIC PELVIC PAIN NIGHTMARE!

Posted on September 4, 2019 by SCARFMAN

This is a blog that I feared I would never be able to write one day.  It is about celebrating the miraculous improvements I have made regarding my chronic pelvic pain.  I had tears in my eyes the other day when I thought about the dark days I once had with this hellish condition.  I never stopped fighting though, even when things looked really bleak!

I was twenty-one years old when the horrendous symptoms started.  I had abdominal pains and was wanting to wee a lot.  Then, I noticed excruciating pain whenever I ejaculated.  As the days went on my symptoms got worse and worse.  I had to drop out of university such were the severity of my symptoms.  I was literally wanting to pass water EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY!

It took TWO YEARS to finally get a correct diagnosis.  Phew, it was not prostate cancer I was told.  Nevertheless, what I had was a condition called Chronic Bacterial Prostatitis.  In layman’s terms this meant I had a prostate infection.  The constant weeing was a consequence of the infection I was told.  There and then I was diagnosed with an irritable bladder for LIFE!

With medication for my bladder, I finally was well enough to go back to uni.  Nevertheless, as a result of the numerous infections, I was left with excruciating chronic pelvic pain.  I would have this pain EVERY DAY FOR TWENTY-THREE YEARS!!!

I have been asked pretty frequently through the years as to why I am still single??  These people don’t know what kind of hell I’ve been through.  There were girls I knew liked me at uni, but I never did anything about it because getting aroused hurt my inflamed pelvis too much.  This really got me down.  My depression with this situation got that bad that at one point I can remember feeling completely emasculated, it broke my heart.

I could not tell these women who liked me, that my bits were too sore because I felt too embarrassed.  That was then though and this is now.  I no longer feel embarrassed about revealing such personal details.

I finally graduated, but the pelvic pain persisted.  I used to be so sporty in my youth and late teens before all of this happened.   I used to play cricket and football for various teams.  I absolutely loved going to gym.  Exercise was a fantasy at this point though because it hurt to even just walk one hundred yards.  This again broke my heart as well as completely demoralised me.

Over the years I saw numerous physios for my pelvic pain, all unsuccessfully I must add. Nevertheless, around twelve months ago I got in touch with a physio who was a pelvic pain expert.  I was hopeful she might be able to help me, but I was also pretty scared because she felt like my last hope.  I can still remember an old frustrating Psychologist of mine doubting my somewhat blind insistence, that my pelvic pain would indeed get better one day once I’d found the right physio.  What if she was right and I was wrong, what then I worried?

I am not fully sure what specifically got me a lot better, but what I do know is that it has definitely been down to two things.  Firstly, I had internal pelvic floor trigger point release from this amazing physio(google it, it’s very invasive and not pleasant).  Secondly, I tried going to the gym again.  I was truly fed up of looking like Mr Blobby.  I started off very slowly building myself up nice and gently.  I tried to see how much I could get away with regarding my pelvic pain.

My pelvis situation improved that much that I stopped needing to go to physio can you believe?  I have now been going to the gym for around EIGHTEEN MONTHS and this is the best my chronic pelvic pain has ever been.  I can run now, I can cycle now and I can row. The other day I was thinking how far I have now come in terms of my pelvic pain recovery, and I almost broke down in HAPPY tears.  It feels like I have my life back now.

Today, I can exercise regularly more or less pain free.  No longer does my sexual identity feel stripped away from me.  I now feel like I could finally cope with a girlfriend.  I am not cured don’t get me wrong, but I am tonnes better than I once was.

I wanted to write this blog to celebrate how much my pelvic pain has improved.  I also hope my sharing gives hope to other men out there who are currently struggling like I was.  Perhaps you have a partner or husband who is suffering with chronic pelvic pain? Believe in hope my friends because things can change for the better.  Look at me, I am living proof that they can!

Love and best wishes, Andy x.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in ANXIETY, EMOTION, HEALTH, mens health, MENTAL HEALTH, NHS, TRUE STORIES, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

HELLO BLOG, IT’S BEEN AWHILE!! AN UPDATE AND THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MYSELF!

Posted on August 10, 2019 by SCARFMAN

Hello everybody, it has been awhile my friends!

I guess I haven’t written a blog since March 2019, because quite frankly I didn’t feel the need to.  I have been super busy with my OCD recovery and trying to improve my CV(want to get into writing).  I didn’t feel the need to unburden myself in a blog like I used to.

I am still enjoying writing the TV show reviews for Tellybinge.co.uk. Nevertheless, I decided to stop sharing them in my blog too because it became a hassle I could do without, i.e extra work.

The OCD is still with me don’t get me wrong, but it’s not causing me the same amount of distress like it once did thank goodness.  There was a point in my life about eight years ago where I did not want to be here anymore.  Whereas now, I feel lucky to be alive in fact.  I’m grateful to live my life now, in a way that I’ve never experienced before.

I’ve lost the bitterness that I once had about my life.  For those of you that don’t know really know me, I’ve suffered with very serious physical and mental health issues since I was about sixteen to seventeen years old.  I’ve learnt that being angry all the time just makes me tired and sad all of the time.  It is wasted energy, so I’ve decided to try and not be a victim anymore.

This newfound inner peace I now have about my life I think is down to me maturing(now in my early forties), the mental health meds and also continuing to practice CBT(Cognitive Behavioural Therapy).

Why then have I decided to do a blog again all of a sudden you may ask??? Well to be honest, firstly, I needed a therapeutic unloading of how I’m feeling right now.  I feel like a bit of a cry if I’m honest.  My sister’s eight year old dog got rushed into the vets over the last few days.  It is touch and go whether he’ll make it(acute kidney failure), we get the all important test results back in two days time.  I should point out that I had a therapeutic cry yesterday about it all in fact, so don’t be worrying I’m holding my feelings back.

I know I’m biased, however he really is the perfect dog.  Like his Uncle Andy(me), he’s super cute, intelligent and really funny ha ha!  No seriously now(about the dog), he makes Lassie look like Mr Bean, I’ve never met a more intelligent animal.  He is that bright that we’ve all been convinced for months that he considers himself to be human and not dog ha ha!

My second main reason for writing this blog, is that I wanted to cheer myself up by writing down some things that I like about myself.  I saw somebody I follow on Twitter do a blog of twenty-six things they like about themselves.  I’m not sure I could get to twenty-six, so I’ll aim for ten good ones(ever the perfectionist ha ha.)

Here goes then.  I hope you don’t mind me showing-off about myself, however it’s all done in the name of trying to cheer myself up!

1.  MY BRILLIANT SENSE OF HUMOUR – My dad was a constant joker and so I think me being one too, must be a genetic type thing.  Laughter is my main coping strategy in life.  No matter what rubbish life throws at me(within reason of course), then I try and find the humour in it.  It’s either you laugh or cry and I try and do the former most days now!

2.  I’M VERY MORALISTIC –  By this I mean that I have good strong morals.  I always open doors for people.  I always make a big point of saying ”thank you” to the till operator in a shop.  I always let old people get on the bus before me.  I always stand up on public transport if an elderly person can’t find a seat.  I am like this because my dear mum and dad brought me up the right way and I love them for this!

3. I’M STILL VERY SENSITIVE –  Years ago I used to be too sensitive I’ll admit.  Whereas now, I think I’ve found a nice balance.  I love being so open with my feelings and wearing my heart on my sleeve.

4. MY FASHION SENSE – I love my unique fashion sense should we say ha ha.  I hate unoriginal things in life, so I try and apply this to what I wear.  I have my own look(with a scarf usually).  I guess I want to stand-out a bit, look different in an attractive sense.

5.  MY ABILITY TO TALK……….LOTS!! – I love how chatty I am.  Seriously, just imagine the most talkative person you know of, THEN TIMES IT BY TEN AND THAT’S ME hahahaha! I can talk to anybody about anything, and be amusing with it!

OK, I’m going to stop at 5, I’m struggling ha ha! No, I’m not going to remark on my AMAZING GOOD LOOKS or my MASSIVE INTELLIGENCE cos that would be too big-headed, even for me hahahaha!

Thank you for reading this blog.  I have really enjoyed writing it and it has really been therapeutic for me.  I started off writing this blog all sad, but now I end it having made myself chuckle.

I just hope and pray my sister’s dog pulls through.  Take care my friends and I’ll write another blog soon.  Thank you and best wishes, Andy x.

 

Posted in ANXIETY, COMPLIMENT, death, FAMILY, grief, HEALTH, MENTAL HEALTH, OCD, social media, TRUE STORIES, twitter, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

THE BAY – Series One – Episode One review.

Posted on March 24, 2019 by SCARFMAN

Upon reading that The Bay was a new missing child drama, I came over all Brenda from Bristol, i.e ”NOT ANOTHER ONE.”

Yes, in recent years this has now become a much-exhausted TV genre.  I loved the second series of The Missing though, in fact it is one of my most favourite dramas of recent years.  However, the missing kid thing has now been done to death.

Did I really want to watch another drama in this field, but this time set in Morecambe Bay?  Not really was my answer.  Therefore, as The Bay started on ITV1, I was viewing it with my exhausted sceptical hat on.  Soon my sceptical hat was off though because very early on I became hooked.  Sex, lies and the law, all made for a cracking start to this opening episode.

Some critics will argue it is far too much like Broadchurch in a multitude of ways.  The production, the haunting music and the storytelling all appeared like we had seen this somewhere else before.  This might be true, but that in turn does not necessarily mean The Bay is unoriginal and so a flop.

For me, the narrative had enough twists and turns in it to make The Bay appear unique.  It is like it bottled all the best bits of Broadchurch and then came out with a slightly altered, but still successful formula.

The main lead in this first episode was DS Lisa Armstrong (Morven Christie), a Police Family Liaison officer.  Morven has appeared on our screens a few times now in different things (The A-Word, The Replacement), and I have been mightily impressed by her acting every time that I’ve seen her.  Lisa’s latest case was that of two missing teenage twins.  She takes her job seriously but also likes a night out, and it is this latter aspect that puts her firmly into a very comprising situation with her latest case.

All the rest of the cast were excellent as you would expect.  Worthy of a special mention are the twin’s parents Sean Meredith (Jonas Armstrong) and Jess Meredith (Chanel Cresswell).  Chanel shone brightly as the panic-stricken mother, constantly on edge.  Jonas delivered a strong performance too and didn’t overact his part as the somewhat mysterious and adulterous stepdad.

Equally as impressive was the performance given by Daniel Ryan, who plays DI Tony Manning.  Having only ever seen this actor before play Dan in the comedy-drama Mount Pleasant, I thought he showed his versatility well here.  Firm but fair was his role and it did not seem like a copied performance from elsewhere.

As this was the first episode, there was plenty of setting things up for the proceeding weeks ahead.  Who was Lisa’s son, Rob Armstrong (Art Parkinson), secretly talking to on his computer I wonder?  Lisa’s daughter, Abbie Armstrong (Imogen King), got chatty with a local labourer called Vincent (Adam Long), so no doubt he has a significant role to play in all of this somewhere along the way.

Yes, as already stated this programme was not the most original but it was captivating, engaging and brilliant entertainment throughout.  It deserves to be watched by many and cherished as the northern version of Broadchurch.

Hands-up time, I started off as a sceptic but ended up enjoying it immensely! 4/5.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in DRAMA, EMOTION, ENTERTAINMENT, ITV1, POPULAR CULTURE, TELEVISION, THE ARTS, TV, TV REVIEW, UK TV, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment