“I SHOULD HAVE HAD A SHAVE, HE’S GOING TO START A FIRE IN A MINUTE IF HE KEEPS RUBBING”! ‘The Moaning of Life 2’. Review of episode 4.

Posted on November 11, 2015 by SCARFMAN

The topic Karl looked at in this episode was ‘the body’, and yet again I thought it was utterly brilliant entertainment.  I laughed all the way through it.  I smiled all the way through it.  The time watching it just seemed to fly by.  I have enjoyed this second series a million times more than the first one.  Not once whilst watching this episode did I think to myself, ‘it’s good, but not as funny as An Idiot Abroad‘(I often thought that when watching the first series of The Moaning of Life).  NOBODY IN THE WORLD HAS FUNNIER ONE LINERS THAN KARL PILKINGTON…..OK, barring Del Boy perhaps!

“It really wakes you up, I mean you never see a groggy penguin or polar bear do you? So there’s got to be something in it”.

“And one day they’ll be this news story about him being found dead at home in the fridge surrounded by a Cornetto and a couple of fish fingers”.

These two funny quotes come from the first bit of the episode.  Karl went to see a rather eccentric guy should we say, in the freezing cold weather of Iceland.  This guy believed the body received an immunity boost by exposing it to severe freezing temperatures.   We hilariously saw him and Karl out in the snow doing some sort of mixed martial arts moves to try and keep themselves warm……..EACH ONLY WEARING A HAT AND A PAIR OF UNDERPANTS. The guy was barefoot from the off, whereas Karl amusingly took some persuading to take his shoes off.

The guy then sat in a frozen lake even though he had been warned beforehand that doing so could cause him to get hypothermia. Karl seemed to be obsessed about ‘his balls’ at this point and so politely refused to join him.  I thought it was really funny amusing stuff.  Karl Pilkington is so likable in my view because apart from saying tonnes of witty remarks, he is just a normal everyday bloke.   He does not try to be somebody that he is not.  There is no false bravado or pretense with him.  There is no arrogance or ego with him either.  We all love a good moan, the only difference being that Karl has successfully managed to make a career out of it!

“At home if you’re known as a pisshead that’s not a compliment, but you see science in that”.

“You know your Palin gets excited about old pyramids and all that but I’ve never seen any old piss”.

The most amusing part of this episode was when Karl next went to India to look at shivambu/urine therapy.  Karl met a guy who swore by the long term health benefits of drinking and washing yourself in your own urine.  Karl as you would expect was not that convinced by this.  My second quote where Karl mentioned Michael Palin, well it is the funniest line of the entire second series so far for me.  It is the fact that Karl just says them so deadpan that makes them so funny.

Karl at first decided against drinking his own wee.  The day afterwards we saw this ‘urine guy’ give a speech to a group of locals about the wonders of shivambu.  Basically, he sort of died on his arse with none of them willing to drink urine.  Step forward hero Karl Pilkington to save the day.  Out of loyalty to his new friend, Karl decided that he would drink his own urine in front of the crowd.  I will not give you the exact description of what happened next but lets just say it was not pretty.  It may not have been pretty however it was funny to watch.  Likability is such a big thing with Karl as I have already mentioned.  The fact he was willing to drink his own urine to help out his new friend, well it just showed again the kind of genuine guy that Karl Pilkington is.

“Christmas is about eating, if you didn’t eat at Christmas Jesus it would be nothing but arguments and swearing……they really need to eat to stop the arguments”.

Still in India, we then saw Karl meet a man who very rarely ate and who got his energy through staring at the sun.  Straight away Karl was not convinced about this because he stated how crap his solar powered garden lamps were back home.  The man revealed that he had not eaten for FOUR MONTHS. Karl struggled to get his head around this fact.  He stated how he loved eating as well as it being a major part of Christmas.  Amusingly, Karl jokingly suspected the main reason the guy had stopped eating was due to him being fed up of eating curry all of the time. He reckoned the guy would struggle to refuse eating food if he was ever faced with the UK confectionery that he ate.

“Think I’d be a bit pissed off if I had a builder doing some work and he turned up with this on cos it’s just another excuse that he got in it, when works not been done. ‘Oh I ran out of triple A batteries or whatever”

“Nobody ever seems to say to him, Spiderman will you calm down, can’t you go and fight over there in a field? Why you knocking down the Town Hall”?

This time in Tokyo, Japan, Karl met a young inventor who had created this machine that supposedly made you stronger. By this,  I mean it was a robot type thing that you put on to help you lift up heavy objects.  If I am being ultra picky then I reckon this segment was the weakest part of episode four.  The inventor guy seemed as confused as Karl even though he was the one who had created the damn thing.  I reckon there is more chance of Karl Pilkington being named the next James Bond than this invention ever being successful.  In the words of the dragons on Dragons’ Den, ‘I’M OUT’ young man!

“I should have had a shave, he’s going to start a fire in a minute if he keeps rubbing”

Karl having Small Face Therapy in Japan was another comedy highlight. We saw him lying down whilst somebody rubbed his face that vigorously that it did resemble somebody trying to strike a match.  I have said this in a previous blog but a vexed and exasperated Karl Pilkington is such a funny sight to witness.  Karl bemoaned how he had a fat head(know how you feel pal).  After he had endured them pushing and pulling his face like a baker making dough, somewhat surprisingly he was pleased with the results.  He posed in front of the mirror saying how he now had a ‘jawline’ finally.  I loved his concern though about what could happen if you do not keep the Small Face Therapy up .  He compared it to bodybuilders who stop training, concerned that your face might end up looking like a “BOLLOCK”(made me laugh).

“They never look at that do they with fat people, blindfold them…..you don’t have to go on any sort of Weight Watchers programme just blindfold them”.

Next in Japan, Karl met a young blind man who lived life very independently with his disability.  Karl wore blacked out googles to also experience what life was like if you do not have any sight.  There was both an informative and an educational aspect to this section which was interesting to watch.  Nevertheless, first and foremost this is an entertainment programme.  I once again laughed when he said those words in that quote above.  Only in Karl’s world would fat people lose weight by being blindfolded ha ha!

“I had a bit of a tidy up, it looks like Gok Wan’s been down there…..they’ve never looked better”

Having been somewhat worried about the health of ‘his bits’ when in Iceland at the start of the programme, the episode ended with him getting them examined by a Consultant Urologist in London.  Fans on An Idiot Abroad will recall Karl seeing this same doctor when he got his prostate examined.  When I saw that I nearly wet myself due to laughing so much. I have had mine felt about twenty-times so felt his pain.

Karl’s off-the-cuff witty remarks are again so fundamental to the success of the show.  Before, during and after this examination he said things that really made me chuckle.  Before the doctor started he showed Karl how he was going to examine his testicles by firstly demonstrating it on a rubber model of the male genitalia.  Whilst getting undressed a concerned Karl voiced to the crew how he noticed the doctor had been pressing that rubber model rather hard.  What if the doctor has had a bad day and decided to take it out on his privates Karl stated? Karl was of course half joking but I did find it a very funny remark.

Karl’s bits were given a clean bill of health much to his delight.  Upon getting dressed he asked the doctor a genius question that only Karl could come up with.  ‘Why do you have two testicles but only one heart’ he enquired? Karl did not need two balls he said, he could quite happily just manage having the one!

In conclusion then, I would definitely say that this was my favourite episode of the second series so far. It just seemed incredibly seamless.   Throughout it I seemed to be either  laughing or smirking at almost everything Karl said or did.  Before writing this blog I wanted to write a critically reviewed piece about The Moaning of Life 2. I did not want my blog to come across like some massive sycophantic fan piece about Karl Pilkington.   The truth is though that I honestly could not find anything wrong with this epiosode.  I think Karl Pilkington is comedy gold and I think this programme is comedy gold…..AND LONG MAY THEY BOTH CONTINUE! 5/5.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A QUICK TICKLE NEAR MY GROIN AND SOME MASSAGING WITH NOT MUCH PRESSURE….MY FIRST EXPERIENCE OF MANUAL LYMPHATIC DRAINAGE!

Posted on November 8, 2015 by SCARFMAN

ME : “Hi, it’s Andrew Lloyd”

Therapist : “Hello, do you want to take your shoes off before coming through”

Now, I will be honest with you and say that this request here to take my shoes off did take me slightly by surprise.  Half of me thought about my OCD and how I would rather have kept them on.  The other half of me perhaps somewhat bizarrely, instantly thought of Karl Pilkington and him taking his shoes off when he went to see some Tibetan Monks once. As I duly walked towards the treatment room(now trainerless), I wondered just what exactly the world of Holistic Therapy had in store for me!

Just over a year ago I was diagnosed with suspected lymphoedema in both my lower legs.  After doing some horror research about this condition, I discovered that a massage called MLD (Manual Lymphatic Drainage) existed which was said to help manage the symptoms/swelling.  Not many therapists are trained in this technique but finally I found a woman near me who was.  I have come close to going for my first treatment session numerous times before but a few things kept preventing me from going. Finally, one day last week I got there at long last.  Prior to going, there was this long drawn out confusion at the hospital whether I definitely had lymphoedema or not so this delayed things.  I also suffer quite badly with OCD at the moment so this kept putting me off too.  Things needed to get moving however with regards to me getting my ONE BILLION health issues improved.  Going for MLD would be the first start in this journey I hoped so I needed to go. I just thought I would share with you how my first experience of MLD went.

After being slightly alarmed at the “can you take your shoes off’ moment”, I quickly started chatting to the lady therapist who quickly put me at ease with her friendly manner.  Her first question to me asked why I gone to see her? I gave her the full background story to me having lymphoedema, whereas upon finishing my tale I realised just a few words would have sufficed(by her facial reaction) ha ha. What can I say, I am guilty of being a chatterbox. My motto in life is, ‘why only use five words to say something when FIVE HUNDRED will do instead’ ha ha ha(my own made up life motto).

She then explained to me how MLD was a really gentle type of massage.  Lymphatic fluid is this milky type of substance that is pivotal for a healthy functioning body.  She told me how your lymph lands/fluid help fight infections as well as deal with body waste.   The massaging would firstly begin on my face. After this she informed me she would then work on my legs.  I also remember her saying how you have two massive lymph glands in your chest area. The lymphatic fluid sits beneath the skin before you get to the muscles, bones, etc.  She went to put some PANPIPE music on and then hey presto we were away!

My initial reaction to the MLD was……IS THAT IT, DON’T YOU NEED TO PRESS HARDER??? In polite vocal terms I translated this as, “oh, it works even though you’re only pressing ever so lightly does it”? She answered that it was indeed only a very light massage where she is trying to get the lymphatic fluid moving beneath the skin.  In total she massaged my skin for about thirty minutes. Her fingers pushing my skin upwards rather than down. It was quite relaxing as well as being completely painless.  I did get all very ticklish though when she started putting her hands on my feet, this and when her fingers got up near ‘the essential selection’ if you get me ha ha. I better clarify this and say this was when she maneuvered the tops of my shorts as she massaged one of my upper thighs.

Thirty minutes of her gently massaging me and that was first of my experience of Manual Lymphatic Drainage over and done with.  Unknowingly, I think I have had lymphoedema for many years before I finally became aware of it. Therefore, when she had finished I told her that I did not expect miracles after only my first session.  She said there was no set formula to how many appointments a person needs.  Some need more than others she continued to say.  I am going to try it five times close together to see if it does any good before I think about going less frequently. I have a pelvic problem too that I want to start having physiotherapy for.

If I am honest, I do not think my first go at MLD helped the lymphoedema in my lower legs whatsoever.  I guess I am slightly disappointed about this but then again I have to keep reminding myself that it was ONLY MY FIRST GO AT IT.  Currently I cannot cope wearing compression stockings due to the tightness of them aggravating my sciatica and inflamed pelvic floor muscles.  This fact is constantly worrying me at the back of mind.  I  really need the MLD to help things a bit by itself, rather than only working if I wear compression garments too.  If MLD only helps lymphoedema in conjunction with compression then I have a problem.  On this subject, yesterday I nevertheless managed to wear a knee sock for about nine hours on my left leg(the worse lymphoedema leg). Only towards me going to bed did it start to hurt my pelvis.  Today my pelvis is rather sore presumably due to the tight sock but at least it has not made my sciatica much worse.

There we are then, that was my first voyage into the world of Manual Lymphatic Drainage and Holistic Therapy.  It was a worthwhile exercise I think and one that I will be repeating again very soon.  I would best describe it as a ‘massage with not much pressure’………but just watch out FOR THE ODD TICKLE NEAR THE GROIN!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in ANXIETY, cellulitis, HEALTH, LYMPH GLANDS, LYMPHOEDEMA, mens health, MENTAL HEALTH, OCD, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

17 years ago today my dad died, but the pain of losing him will live with me forever

Posted on October 31, 2015 by SCARFMAN

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October 31st 1998 was without doubt the worst day of my life so far.  It was worse than when I got told by a doctor twelve months later, that I needed an investigation to make sure I did not have prostate cancer.  It was also much worse than the day when I got told I had type one diabetes for the rest of my life.  

On October 31st 1998, my dad Harold Lloyd died. My mum’s life would never be the same again.  My big sister’s life would never be the same again.  My life would never be the same again. Seventeen years ago today he died and the pain of his passing still really hurts.  I wanted to mark this day by publicly talking about him, it just feels the right thing to do somehow.

I was away at university when my dad became really ill.  I can still remember that awful day when my mum and sister told me in my student room that my dad only had six months left to live. We all broke down in floods of tears and hugged one another.  

He had been not well for about six months, but the doctors had just put him on water tablets. How could the GP before this, never have uttered to him that his swollen legs could be something very serious?

This also was my dad we were talking about here.  He was this massive hypochondriac who had hardly ever been to the doctors all the time that I had known him.  He lived in fear of dying, but always seemed fine up to this point.  He thought he was ill (partly in jest) all of the time, but never was. This was just the norm living with my dad.

I had come back home from Liverpool because it was reading week.  The new university magazine had just come out and I was chuffed to bits to see some of my writing in it.  I could not wait to show my dad this when I went to see him in hospital.  I guess I wanted him to be proud of me.  When we got there it turned out to be a nightmare of a hospital visit.  

He was clearly very unwell.  He died of heart failure therefore at the end, his heart was not working properly which thus had an impact on the amount of oxygen he was getting to his brain.  He was not talking like the nice man that I knew him to be. I had to leave the room to get one of the nurses, I could not see him behave so badly to people who loved him so dearly.

Again, that was not him, but rather it was his illness taking over.  I decided to go for a walk and meet mum when visiting time was over. I never did get the chance to show him my writing in the uni magazine before it was too late.

Before dad died my mum, sister and I, had discussed together how the next six months were going to be really tough.  As they had given my dad only six months left to live then this was going to be his last Christmas. It was going to be such an unbelievably upsetting time, but that was just the way things were and none of us could do anything about it.  

I decided that I would go and see him again on the Saturday evening before I went back to Liverpool on the Sunday afternoon.  The most upsetting part of this story is that I never did make that next visit to see him.  My mum and sister had gone on the Saturday afternoon to see him whilst I did some studying. When they got back home they told me in utter disbelief that my dad had just died.

One minute he was laughing and joking with a neighbour at his bedside, then the next minute his head rolled back and he had died.  He had died six weeks into the six months that the doctors had given him.  I can just remember sort of feeling suffocated at hearing this news. How could he have died so early and so young … he was only sixty-six for crying out loud.

Grief in my opinion, has certain similarities to falling in love.   There is no clearly distinguishable point when people enter these emotions, you sort of one day just become aware of them suddenly.  For example, I can remember once liking this girl for ages and then realising to myself that I was in love with her. You cannot forcibly love somebody, just like you cannot force the grieving process.  

When dad died I had never lost a very close loved one before, so was unsure how to act.  I kept hearing this thing called grief being mentioned, but I was just trying to carry on as before.  I was trying to be strong for mum. I had my degree to be getting on with.

I went around telling people at uni that my dad had just died in this sort of autopilot mode.  The faces of my friends were aghast when I told them in a matter-of-fact kind of way.  I felt bad for not bursting into tears as I delivered them this news … but then it did finally hit me.

The funeral was an horrendous ordeal as you would expect.  My dad was this funny, larger-than-life character who knew loads of people.  He knew loads of men from his old workplace.  He played cricket and crown green bowls for a club called Longsight, so it meant that hundreds of folk turned up. It was devastating to see them all there, however also lovely at the same time if that makes sense?  

Looking back, I am so pleased that so many good people wanted to pay their respects to my late dad. This spoke volumes for the type of great bloke that he was.  I was very upset on the actual day like you would expect.  

Nevertheless, looking back I was still fighting with my emotions.  I still refused to fully let go emotionally.  Rather than embracing my tears of utter devastation, I persisted in trying to fight them.  It was only after I got back to Liverpool after the funeral, do I then think the enormity of losing my father really started to hit me.

Within a week or two of being back at uni I was in complete bits.  I could not even think about my dad or says the word “dad”, without then bursting into tears.  A brilliant lecturer of mine suggested that I should go to see the counselling service belonging to the university.  Going for bereavement counselling was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life so far.

 I only saw this lady bereavement counsellor twice, but it helped so much.  All I can remember of those sessions is me crying a lot whilst I talked about my dad.  It was only during these two sessions of letting all the upset out of my system, do I then think I started the grieving process.  The pain was still very raw, but I felt more able to cope with it after this counselling.

Seventeen years seems like such a long time ago, but to me it does not feel that long since we lost my dad. I dream about him every so often which is nice, yet at the same time it is also upsetting once I wake up and realise it was just a dream.  

I cannot believe he never saw my beloved Manchester United win the historic treble in 1999.  It really hurts that he was never around to see me finally graduate at university.  It is also heartbreaking that he never saw my elder sister get married to a good decent bloke.  

The first year or two after he died it was hard to even mention his name in a family discussion without us all getting upset.  Then, as time wore on it became a lovely thing to do.  The more we talked about him then it felt like, the more his memory lived on. I still feel like this today.  

Certain unexpected things will happen in daily life that suddenly make me think about my late father.  For example, my dad loved the German composer/musician James Last.  He loved him so much that James Last became the bane of my life growing up ha ha.  

Every car journey would involve dad playing one of James Last’s albums on the car stereo system … very bloody loudly argh ha ha.  When I read the news sometime this year that James Last had died, it instantly brought back all of those childhood memories.  It felt like a bit more of my dad had died that day when James Last passed away.

Christmas time is especially hard for my mum without my dad. It is hard for us all, but I know she feels it the most.  I no longer really enjoy Christmas since he died. His birthday, Christmas time, and the anniversary to when he died, they are all days that just confirm to me how much it still really hurts that he is no longer here with us.

My dad was no saint of course he was not, but he was a good man who dearly loved his wife and two children. His best trait without doubt was his sense of humour.  He made people laugh even without trying.

I like to think this why I am such a joker too, because of my dad. I am so like him personality wise it is untrue.  He was shy, yet also an extrovert just like I am.  He was such a big sensitive emotional softy, like I am too.  He was so sports mad and such a talkaholic.  I am also a massive sports fan, together with being somebody who never shuts up.  It has to be said, I have always been an unashamed mummy’s boy. Nonetheless, without doubt I am more like my dad than my mum, in terms of my character.

As I began writing this blog, I had no pre-planned structure for it in my mind.  I therefore hope most if not all of it, made sense somehow and was engaging to read?  I just knew that I wanted to talk about my late dad on this very emotional day for my family and me.  

I know my mum has never told me this, but when I look back at how she has been since my dad died, it is like a piece of her died that day too when he left us. There is nothing more painful in life than to experience losing a close loved one. 17 years ago today my dad died, but the pain of losing him will live with me forever!

N.B That blog was in memory of my late dad Harold Lloyd, who died on this day 17 years ago.  1932-1998.  We all still deeply love you dad.

 

dad and me

Posted in ANXIETY, death, DEPRESSION, EMOTION, FAMILY, FRIENDSHIP, grief, HAROLD LLOYD, HEALTH, mens health, MENTAL HEALTH, NHS, TRIBUTE, TRUE STORIES, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

MY LYMPHOEDEMA IS IMPROVING AND ALL I HAVE DONE IS………..EXERCISE MORE!

Posted on October 29, 2015 by SCARFMAN

“Lymphoedema is a chronic condition that causes swelling when the lymphatic system is not able to drain fluid properly”.(Google search).

“Lymphoedema is a swelling that develops as a result of an impaired lymphatic system.  This may be as a result of the lymphatic system not developing properly(primary lymphodema) or through damage or trauma(secondary lymphoedema). It can effect any part of the body but is most commonly seen in an arm or a leg……….a recent study has estimated that at least 240,000 people in the UK  may be affected by this condition”(The Lymphoedema Support Network).

Not the most creative way to start a blog I grant you(above), but before I go on about my lymphoedema I wanted to inform you what this condition was just in case you had no idea.  I have done blogs in the past about my lymphoedema and wondered if some of it did not make any sense to non-sufferers out there?  I sadly am one of those 240,000 people at least, that suffer from lymphoedema in the UK.  I have been told mine is primary lymphoedema. It has been a hellish year and a bit since being diagnosed. Nevertheless, I wanted to do this new blog to say how things might not be quite as bad with the lymphoedema as I first feared after all!

At the start of the summer this year(2015) I was in a really bad place mentally.  One of the reasons I felt so depressed was because I had just been told that I DEFINITELY DID HAVE LYMPHOEDEMA.  This was after being told wrongly that I did not have it, by a Vascular Consultant some months prior.  I just been to see my GP to tell her about this news and how upset I was now feeling. On my walk home from this appointment I can recall some cheeky kids abusing me in the street about my weight and I nearly started crying in frustration as I walked past them.   I was trying to be a fighter regarding the lyphoedema but I just felt so fed up about it all.  There was nowhere left to run now you see, I now had ANOTHER LIFE-LONG health condition to put with for the rest of my days.

After a few days of feeling thoroughly fed up I decided that I needed to try and fight back. It was either that or give up I thought to myself and I am certainly not a quitter. I was devastated that the lymphoedema in my lower legs was confirmed, but at the same time it is not going to kill me or lead to an early death I kept repeatedly telling myself.  I was bothered how odd my legs might look at times in a pair of shorts when say I am on holiday, however when I wear of socks it is barely noticeable at times.  I did go through the stage though of looking at men with normal looking ankles and legs and being envious…..hope that does not sound too daft? The last Consultant who confirmed the bad news to me was really helpful unlike the previous ones. He gave me a leaflet that included information about certain leg exercises which can help lymphoedema.  Nevertheless, the two key things he stressed that would help my lymphoedema the most were COMPRESSION GARMENTS and a thing called MANUAL LYMPHATIC DRAINAGE!

Read any information about how to help alleviate lymphoedema and wearing compression garments will definitely come up.  However, this is where I have a big problem.  I have a spondylolisthesis(slipped vertebrate) in my lumbar spine with a compressed nerve, thus giving me daily severe sciatic pain from my left buttock to all the way down my leg. Currently, I also suffer with chronic pelvic pain due to a traumatic prostate illness that I had many years ago. All my pelvic floor muscles are inflamed with my right iliopsoas muscle/s in particular being very sore.  Therefore, whenever I wear tight socks they make the sciatica a hundred times worse as well as giving me unbearable pelvic pain.  Until I see a physio to hopefully help me with these two issues, then me wearing compression stockings that are extremely tight is a total non-starter.  Trying to convey this to medical people though who are not experts in sciatica or pelvic pain has been a challenge and a half.  It frustrates the hell out of me that here is a thing that will help my lymphoedema however I am unable to wear them….ARGH! Believe me, if I could wear compression stockings then I certainly would!

The second thing is a massage called MLD, Manual Lymphatic Drainage.  This sounded a lot more promising after doing tonnes of research about it.  Apparently, the therapist helps drain off the built up fluid by massaging it to pass through other lymph glands in the body that are perfectly healthy and functioning.  For example, I have read you also have lymph glands in your groin, arm-pits and neck.  The only issue was that this is a highly specialised technique and so at first I struggled to find a therapist near me that does MLD. Eventually I did find two women who did it.  Disgracefully though in my opinion the NHS in my area does not offer this service, whether that be for free or not.  Therefore, I will have pay privately to receive such help.

I was just about to go and have my first session of MLD when my OCD flared up quite badly.  That really hit me hard and I got terribly depressed about things once again.  I was fed up not having a career, girlfriend and much of a life whilst I try to sort my ONE MILLION HEALTH PROBLEMS OUT. I over exaggerate here of course but some days it does feel like I am fighting a losing battle, trying to get better from so many health conditions that I suffer from.  Whilst I tried to re-group the MLD duly got postponed.  This really frustrated me but I hope to go for my first MLD session in the next few weeks.

I did a blog recently where I explained how somebody I was talking too on social media, really helped snap me out of this very depressed state that I found myself in a few months ago. They were talking about their life and how it was going to change for the better in the forthcoming weeks.  This as a result started getting me motivated about my life once more.  They were going away from home to hopefully better themselves.  It made me want to better myself too once again.  I needed to get my fighting spirit back I thought.  My chats with this amazing person really made me take a long hard look at myself in the mirror. I did not like what I saw either. I saw this guy who had really been unlucky in life with bad health issues but instead of fighting, he had now almost given up and seemingly accepted his SHIT LIFE.  I had sort of resigned myself to now living a life that was unfulfilled on so many different levels. THAT IS NOT THE REAL ME. THIS IS NOT THE REAL ANDY THAT MY CLOSE FAMILY AND FRIENDS KNOW AND HOPEFULLY LOVE.  I AM A FIGHTER, ALWAYS WILL BE, SO I NEEDED TO CHANGE MY MINDSET TO ONE THAT WAS A LOT MORE POSITIVE ABOUT THE FUTURE.  I NEEDED TO START THINKING BIG ONCE AGAIN. I need professional help with my mental and physical health issues of course I do.  I cannot get better by myself but having this new determined mindset not to just accept things the way they currently are, well it is a big breakthrough in my mind.  I told my wonderful GP about this new sense of motivation that I had found. She said it was great to hear me talking about the future and my plans, it meant a lot.

With this new positive outlook in mind I decided that I needed to go on MY FIRST EVER DIET.  I do not look fat but at the same time I have not liked my body shape for the last two years or so.  I look a bit overweight and know if I lost some weight then I should look tonnes better.  There are also the added health benefits to losing weight too.  I therefore started reducing how much I ate at meals times.  I looked at my diet and I was eating too much bread, biscuits and crisps.

Along with eating less I knew I needed to exercise more too.  I used to be soooooo physically active, massively into the gym as well as played lots of sports.  Getting physically fitter though is going be tricky with the pelvic and lower back pain that I now have.  The pelvic pain from the age of twenty-one is why I stopped doing lots of exercise from that point. I could barely walk at first never mind run.   A few years ago a physiotherapist said to me that my big tummy was not fat, rather it was due to not having any core muscles .  With a non-existent core your pelvic problem has pushed this ‘ten pounds of sausages’ forwards she said.  She further said how I needed to do lots of core exercises so that my tummy muscles sort of became retrained.  I tried core exercises but they absolutely KILLED my inflamed pelvic floor muscles. Subsequently, whenever anybody else has suggested me doing core exercises I have been very resistant in doing anymore.

When I started this new diet I decided I should also try doing some gentle core exercises. I wanted to see if I could cope with it pain wise.  I did some and even though they hurt my sore pelvis I was able to withstand the pain. Gradually I kept increasing how tight I pulled my tummy in.  Some days I went too far which really hurt, but within about a four or five days of doing the core exercises I was staggered by how better my stomach looked.  It looked so much smaller now.  I no longer looked like a fat slob who could not be bothered exercising.

About two weeks after I had started doing the core exercises I walked to a local hairdressers which was about a good ten minute uphill walk. Walking anywhere for the last three years has really been an issue.  I would feel so unstable and it felt like I was pulling a ten ton truck behind me.  My legs felt so weak, like two pins trying to support a big stately mansion on top of them.  However, upon walking to the hairdressers I was amazed just how good I felt pelvic pain wise.  I had all this new power in my legs all of a sudden.  On my way home I decided to go on a long walk due to my pelvis feeling so good.  The day afterwards as expected my pelvis and legs did ache but they did not really hurt in an inflammation type way. I was overjoyed at not feeling so bad after the walk.  I was now going to try and walk more I decided.  Exercising more should really help me to lose some weight and get fitter.

I have not mentioned my lymphoedema for a bit I realise. It has taken me over 1800 words to finally get here, BUT I AM CONVINCED DOING THE CORE EXERCISES HAS TREMENDOUSLY HELPED THE LYMPHOEDEMA IN MY LEGS.

I started noticing that my legs and ankles looked tonnes better regarding how puffy they looked.  For the first time in about two years my legs from the knees down were no longer red due to the fluid build up in them.  I could see  my legs returning to a fleshy colour and it felt really great.  I had thin toes now all of a sudden, I had ankle bones. Of course there is still a bit of excess fluid in my legs but they have NEVER looked this good.

I cannot scientifically prove this but like I have said, I largely put down my lymphoedema improving so much due to me doing the core/tummy exercises.  Walking more without a shadow of a doubt will be playing a role too. I have read numerous times on the internet how walking helps move the lymphoedema/fluid in your legs.  Thing is though, I have looked at the state of my legs post ‘longish walk’ many times in the past and never have they looked as good as they do now.  This is why I really think it is the core stuff that has led to such a vast improvement. I accept the cooler weather is also a factor too.  Hot warm weather is known to greatly aggravate lymphoedema.

In the midst of feeling a lot happier about my lymphoedema, there has frustratingly been one negative development though.  For about the last two weeks I have started getting a really nasty cramping sensation in my arms and hands.  At first I put this down to my blood sugars being to high(type one diabetic).  Then I felt like this when my blood sugars were fine so it could not have been down to my diabetes.  I am not sure about this but I think this unpleasant feeling that occurs about ninety minutes after waking up at the moment, is due to the build up of toxins that I have in my system as a result of the lymphoedema.  With the weather being colder I am not sweating as much as a result.  This means I am not sweating as much toxins out of my body as I was say a month ago.  I am not medically trained however so I could be talking rubbish.  These cramps in my hands and arms might not be related to my lymphoedema but I think they are.  I look forward to chatting ‘all things lymphoedema’ when I see this lady soon for manual lymphatic drainage.

I just wanted to write this blog to inform non-sufferers what it is like to suffer from lymphoedema. I also wanted to inform sufferers out there how me doing core exercises has really helped this condition in my legs. All I have done is EXERCISE MORE……….sounds simple BUT LATELY IT IS BEST THING THAT I HAVE DECIDED TO DO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in ANXIETY, cellulitis, DEPRESSION, DIABETES, EMOTION, FAMILY, HEALTH, LYMPH GLANDS, LYMPHOEDEMA, mens health, MENTAL HEALTH, NHS, OCD, skin infection, TRUE STORIES, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

UTTERLY COMPELLING AND UTTERLY BRILLIANT! River – Review of episode two.

Posted on October 21, 2015 by SCARFMAN

Last year I can still remember just how amazing it felt to watch the BBC1 crime/police drama Happy Valley.  It was that brilliant that it sort of felt like a privilege to watch such a fantastic piece of work.  I greatly looked forward to watching it during the week to see the story develop some more. After watching episode two of River last night on BBC1, I am starting to get these same feelings about this new series. UTTERLY COMPELLING AND UTTERLY BRILLIANT is how I would best sum up my feelings towards episode two!

The story in episode two solely focused on the recent murder of DI River’s close work colleague, DS Jackie “Stevie” Stevenson(Nicola Walker).  Much to River’s dismay we saw her character being questioned when it was discovered she had a second phone for some unknown reason.  It was also revealed that she came from a rough family who were very anti ‘the police’.  After forensically examining CCTV footage it was clear that local drug dealer and now dead man Riley, did not murder “Stevie”.  A new lead developed when they focused on Riley’s mentally ill girlfriend Tia.  It ended with them establishing where the car had come from that was used in the shooting of “Stevie”.

There was so much more to this episode than just that though.  Stellan Skarsgard yet again gave an absolutely incredible performance as DI John River.  He is so good at portraying this character who is aloof, overrun with grief and yet also a really good copper.  River’s constant battle with a mental disorder resulted in acting of the finest quality.  I totally believed him which I hope is the greatest compliment that I can pay to Stellan as an actor.  Whenever River had one of these so-called ‘manifests'(hallucinations) with “Stevie”, it almost moved me to tears every time .  One minute we would see him all happy and smiling when he was seeing and talking to “Stevie”, then the next minute we saw him totally distraught after he realised that she was not really there.  The interplay between these two characters was so emotionally powerful to watch.

I loved the interaction between River and Police Psychologist Rosa Fallows(Georgina Rich). In episode one River was very resistant in seeing this person, stating he did not have time for it. Last night his hand was forced because he needs her to write him a medical report  that says he mentally fit enough to continue serving as a policeman.  I thought Georgina Rich played her role superbly.  Her character Rosa pushed him but was also caring and supportive.  In their chats last night we interesting learned more about River.  I am thinking here of their last chat last night when he openly admitted to her that he had a mental disorder that only “Stevie” knew about.  I almost started weeping when he sort of emotionally crumbled to Rosa, stating how the only friend he had in life was “Stevie” and now she is dead.  Again, this was exceptional acting by Skarsgard.

I also need to applaud the mise-en-scene of River last night. In particular I am referring to the lighting.  There were these magnificent shots of the brightly lit up police office building, juxtaposed and contrasted against the darkness outside.  It really looked stylish and gave connotations of a classic Hollywood film noir film.

The music needs commending upon too.  It enhanced the emotional impact of the narrative beautifully.  The tension, the sadness and even River’s sense of isolation, they were all felt stronger by being accompanied by haunting music.  I love the theme tune too being ‘I’m In the Mood for Dancing’ by The Nolan Sisters.  Again, this light happy dance tune contrasted greatly with the strong emotional narrative that we had just been watching.

  River has soon become my TV highlight of the week then.  I just hope in four weeks time it ends brilliantly like Happy Valley did and not very disappointingly like The Missing.  If you have not watched any of this series so far then I really do implore to do so because it is that good. UTTERLY COMPELLING AND UTTERLY BRILLIANT, I cannot praise a television drama series any more than this! 5/5.

Posted in ANXIETY, BBC, BBC DRAMA, BBC ORIGINAL DRAMA, BBC1, death, DEPRESSION, DRAMA, EMOTION, ENTERTAINMENT, FRIENDSHIP, grief, mens health, MENTAL HEALTH, POPULAR CULTURE, TELEVISION, THE ARTS, TV, TV REVIEW, UK TV, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

“SHE’S WALKING AROUND BALD NOW COS OF ME” – ‘The Moaning of Life 2’. A review,episode 2.

Posted on October 19, 2015 by SCARFMAN

MY FAVOURITE KARL PILKINGTON FUNNY LINES IN THIS EPISODE.

  1. “It’s her hair lets look after it. She’s walking around now bald cos of me”.

2. “Been a good day really.  Got hair and a bag of Haribos”.

3. “Basically it’s like a fart.  It don’t matter where you’re from in the world you couldn’t hear a fart and go he’s French….or he’s Russian”.

Karl Pilkington never fails to make me smile or laugh.  Above all else, I think it is his honesty that makes him so likable and funny. He does not try to be funny with forced humour, he just is.  Above are three lines that really made me chuckle during this latest episode of The Moaning of Life 2.  In this episode Karl looked at the issue of ‘Identity’.

The first two quotes were the result of Karl first examining what it would feel like to have a full head of hair once again.  He confidently stated beforehand how being bald does not bother him.  This soon changed however when the hairstylist glued hair on to his scalp and this amazing transformation took place.  It was really amusing to see him look completely different.  As a man who is losing his hair too, I had a keen interest here.  He did look and feel tonnes better for it until his girlfriend emailed him saying that she did not like it.  He questioned how his life could have been different if he had not been so bald since his early twenties.  I liked this wistful look at the past, it showed there is more to him than just his witty one liners.

Karl then visited Mexico where he first looked at fashion.  It never became abundantly clear why the natives walked around and danced in shoes that had these massive curly pointed toe bits at the ends.   I think was to make a ‘statement’ via making the wearers of them stand out.  Karl joined in of course which included a sort of very pointed shoe, ‘YMCA’ type dance. Karl was in his element and it was funny to watch.

His next journey into Mexico was too look at ‘communication’. He saw a man that communicated to others in his village primarily through whistling.   Karl was both bewildered and excited by this.  He thought learning the ‘language of whistling’ had to be easier than trying to learn a foreign language.  This is when he said my third quote above. Here, very amusingly he compared whistling to farting.  By the end of doing some corn picking though Karl started to lose his rag. An exasperated Karl Pilkington is always a funny sight to me.  He could not understand the rules of this whistling but he saved face at the end by correctly whistling for them to bring him a machete.

Karl then looked at lookalikes which had hilarious consequences.  Rather than being Bruce Willis who Karl thought he looked like, the lookalike agency thought he could look like a young Sir Elton John.  Karl looked such a funny sight dressed up as Elton, a red feather boa being the comedy highlight.  Karl was not impressed.  He also could not get any tourist to want a photo from him either. It was very funny stuff to watch.

Apart from a DNA test that despairingly for Karl only proved him to be 51% British, the last section of the programme looked at ‘gender identity’.  It sounds quite deep but in reality it was very funny.  We saw him in America meet a man who was in his seventies, and this gentleman liked dressing up as a woman.  The funny bit was the Mrs Doubtfire body rubber style outfits that he and Karl got dressed into. Karl suddenly had boobs to contend with. He started thinking like a ‘ladylike’ woman’ too(definitely wearing knickers he said), and stated how he was carrying off such clothes better than he imagined his girlfriend back home would.  I bet she was thrilled upon hearing that.  The sight of these two Mrs Doubtfire figures walking along the seafront was truly a magnificent sight to behold…..bravo Karl.

That pretty much then sums up episode two of The Moaning of Life 2. I think I enjoyed it more than the first installment last week that was on the topic of ‘ART’.  “She’s walking around bald cos of me”…..like I said, Karl Pilkington never fails to make to me smile or laugh! 4/5.

 

 

 

 

Posted in COMEDY, documentary, ENTERTAINMENT, POPULAR CULTURE, REALITY TV, TELEVISION, THE ARTS, TV, TV REVIEW, UK TV, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

“I CAN’T SORT OF CONTROL THEM INDIVIDUALLY, THEY’RE NOT EYEBROWS….THEY’RE ARSE CHEEKS”! ‘The Moaning of Life 2’ ep1 – A review.

Posted on October 16, 2015 by SCARFMAN

“What is art?” This was a question first asked almost a hundred years ago by artist Marcel Duchamp’s ‘Fountain’ urinal piece.  What does Marcel have in common with Karl Pilkington? Well in this first episode of The Moaning of Life 2, Karl also asked and explored this question.  Funny, engaging and very cringe worthy, I thoroughly enjoyed welcoming Karl Pilkington back into my life once again. I should probably point out here that yes I am a Mancunian like Karl, so yes that probably explains why I love the fella so much!

In asking what art is, we saw Karl very entertainingly explore this concept by partaking in some unusual practices that the artists involved deemed to be art. The first one was ‘naked visual art’, where he met a woman who made artistic images via the use of naked bodies.  It really made me laugh when Karl said that line in my headline, “I can’t sort of contrtol them individually, they’re not eyebrows…they’re arsecheeks”.  Here he was responding to being asked to move his bottom in a certain direction by the female artist. I liked how he used his girlfriend as an excuse for not getting fully naked too(regarding seeing him naked, it’s the only privilege she gets from other people he said).  Complaining about the artist continuing to ask him to get fully naked he said(impersonating her initially to the crew), “I’ll take my knickers off if you take yours off…..HANG ON, WHERE’S THE ART GONE”? This early segment was a really amusing way to start off the new series.

Next we saw Karl do ‘performance art’ with a guy who lets say, was a little bit ‘out there’.  This resulted in them going to Time Square in New York City, to do a piece of ‘performance art’ in the evening.  It was hilarious but at the same time equally cringe worthy stuff. I could barely look at the screen it was that uncomfortable to watch(in a funny way).  I have not squirmed in my chair as much as that since watching Ricky Gervais being David Brent in The Office. Seeing Karl there in nothing but a fluorescent pair of green underpants, sunglasses and a motorcycle helmet, really was a funny sight. On top of that he was then shouting bizarrely, “SLOW DOWN” all of the time……COMEDY GOLD my friends.

His next trip was to see two guys who decorated dog poo that has been left on the streets, all in the name of art you understand.  Now as somebody who has a bit of a phobia regarding such stuff, I was not entirely sure how funny I was going to find this section if I am completely honest.  I need not have worried though because it was extremely funny.  Karl was a reluctant participant at first, however he quickly befriended the two guys and was soon really enjoying himself. That was until he trod in a pile of dog poo himself.  These two artists were clearly two well meaning guys.  Karl delivered another great line here when positively summing up what they did, definitely look out for it.

Other highlights included him going to an art gallery that had a shovel dangling in the air and a row of bricks on the ground, which bizarrely for Karl were also deemed as art.  The most impressive visual image of the episode was when thousands of birds came together in the sky somewhere in the Somerset countryside. This amazing visual sight was a great contrast against all the other stuff we had seen in the episode up to that point.  There was a sort of epic quality to seeing all these birds amass and fly together like that.

After watching the first series of this show, I came away thinking that it badly missed the banter and interplay between Karl and Ricky Gervais that we saw throughout An Idiot Abroad.  Therefore, I was not sure what I would really make of series two of The Moaning of Life.  I wanted to watch it but was not massively excited.  To my relief I really loved it as you will have gathered.  I thought Karl was hilarious throughout and delivered some fantastic one liners, like only he can.  I look forward to watching episode two! 4/5.

 

 

Posted in COMEDY, documentary, EMOTION, ENTERTAINMENT, MIXED MARTIAL ARTS, POPULAR CULTURE, TELEVISION, THE ARTS, TV, TV REVIEW, UK TV, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

‘THE LARS VON TRIER OF THE DETECTIVE WORLD’! RIVER- A review, episode one.

Posted on October 14, 2015 by SCARFMAN

Whenever I see a trailer of new police/detective drama series coming on, I tend to not pay much attention to it these days because I have reached saturation point with this genre. I am bored of this TV genre and find it hard to lose my ‘suspension of disbelief’ anymore.  For instance, when I watch things like Vera, Law & Order UK and DCI Banks, I find it hard to really believe them. I find it hard to blank out that this is just a group of actors ‘pretending’ to be real life coppers.  I liked the trailer of River though when I saw it last week. It seemed a bit edgier and a perhaps a bit more original than those other programmes I have just listed.  I also thought I would give it a go because I noted actress Nicola Walker was in it and I love her(Gillian in Last Tango in Halifax).

Last night we saw Detective Inspector John River(Stellan Skarsgard) struggling to come to terms with the recent murder of his close colleague, DS Jacke ‘Stevie’ Stevenson( played by Nicola Walker). At the same time, he was trying to find a girl who had disappeared.  He promised her Mum that he would find her and did not believe that her boyfriend had killed her, even though the boyfriend had already confessed.

I thought actor Stellan Skarsgard absolutely stole the show as DI John River. I have never seen this actor in anything else before but I thought he gave a fantastic performance.  His look reminded me a bit of the great late actor Phillip Seymour Hoffman. He gave a brilliant display of an aloof man who was suffering with severe grief and battling inner demons.  These inner demons manifested themselves by him having hallucinations of the dead throughout the episode.  We saw him communicating with the dead girl who he was looking for. There was the dead Lamberth prisoner Thomas Neill Cream(played by Eddie Marsan) who was mentally torturing DI River every time he went there. The most moving exchanges however for me were those between him and his recently dead colleague ‘Stevie’.  There was a real poignancy to their exchanges. I was moved by them in a way that I had not expected to be prior to watching. Even when she poked at him I thought Skarsgard acted it so brilliantly, that these exchanges came across as both funny and yet also incredibly moving.

The whole feel of the piece gave me connotations of a Lars von Trier film.  It was a quirky, had a welcome art-house film vibe about it, and was the most original dectective/police drama that I had seen in ages.  As the first episode drew to a close with some haunting music playing, it registered to me just what an unexpected moving first episode this had been. It was more than just a standard cop drama.  It was ultimately about grief and how this can impact on a person.  The subjects of ‘death’ and ‘killing people’ were also dealt with.

It was not a flawless piece of television because I did find it a bit tricky to follow at times.  I also found the ‘hallucination’ sequences a bit too much in number and some were slightly corny in places too I felt. That said, I am glad I decided to watch it because it had many great qualities. Notably, I liked the ‘different feel’ of it compared to other modern-day crime dramas.  I will definitely be giving it another watch next week and recommend you do the same! 3.5/5.

 

Posted in BBC, BBC DRAMA, BBC ORIGINAL DRAMA, BBC1, COMEDY, death, DEPRESSION, DRAMA, EMOTION, ENTERTAINMENT, FRIENDSHIP, grief, MENTAL HEALTH, POPULAR CULTURE, TELEVISION, THE ARTS, TRIBUTE, TV, TV REVIEW, UK TV, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

‘HOPE IS THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS ME ALIVE’ – MY ‘MIND’ SUMMER CREATIVE WRITING COMPETITION ENTRY ON THE THEME OF HOPE.

Posted on October 13, 2015 by SCARFMAN

 

HOPE IS THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS ME ALIVE!

Ever woken up wishing you had not? I do not mean because you fancy another half-hour or so in bed, I mean because your whole being is CRIPPLED with anxiety and fear? Fear about confronting the day ahead because you are worried how you are going to get through it without panicking? Fear that everything you see or touch is going to be CONTAMINATED? Frightened to put your nose near anything because you worry it will smell of that smell that you most fear? You ever woken up thinking, I cannot take much more of this…….I WILL NOT TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS?

I have had ALL OF THESE FEELINGS in the past few weeks and it is due to suffering from a mental health problem. Only if you have had these feelings too, will you then truly understand the amount of mental torment and anguish that I have been going through.  Two weeks ago I almost gave up on life.  I was feeling totally fed up with the continual setbacks and wanted out.    My life does not feel like much of a life at the moment, it just feels like an existence.  This latest OCD flare-up feels like the worst one ever. Opening up to family and friends helped, so too did blogging to the entire world about how wretched I was feeling.  ONE THING kept me going most of all though…………….and that thing undoubtedly was believing in HOPE! HOPE that my life life will not always be like this. HOPE that my physical and mental health issues will improve in the near future. HOPE that I will get that brilliant career that I have never stopped dreaming about. I HOPE one day to finally meet somebody and fall in love.  HOPE has been such a fundamental part of my life for so long!

I never considered myself clever enough to be able to go to university, so was overjoyed  when I got the good enough grades to go.  The idea of graduating and having letters after my name seemed like this wonderful dream to me.  I wanted a brilliant career too and thought getting a degree could only enhance the chances of this happening. Living away from home though was going to a challenge. Firstly,  I was diagnosed a type one diabetic when I was seventeen. Secondly, around the same time I had been medically diagnosed as suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  It revolves around the idea of contamination. At that time dog dirt was my number one phobia.  I have since been told by mental healthcare professionals that I have a very usual form of OCD. My last Psychologist told me how most sufferers with contamination issues, worry that they might catch something from the things they deem to be contaminated.  They worry germs may do some harm to their family members or themselves. Mine has never been like this. My OCD revolves around me needing to feel ‘uncontaminated’ in order to achieve piece of mind(equilibrium).  I cannot function or mentally cope if I feel I am contaminated.

The first year living away at university was tough at times.  I seemed to have picked the only city that either had dog dirt or horse muck on every street that I walked on .  I coped though because of my dream and HOPE of graduating.  I had a reason to fight the OCD. Then at the start of my second year I received some utterly devastating news.  My Father had suddenly died aged only sixty-six.  My Mum, big sister and I were all in complete shock and as you can imagine we were totally devastated.  I tried to act like the big man and be strong for Mum.  I went back to University the day after the funeral and said I would be fine.  I was far from fine though.  I could not even say his name without bursting into tears.  Only after I saw a bereavement counsellor belonging to my university did I then start to grieve.  I made a promise to Dad that I was now going to graduate for him!

Things did not go according to plan however. Soon after redoing my second year for the second time, I became extremely unwell.  I had developed a really sore abdomen and it hurt whenever I passed water. Furthermore, I was needing to urinate every five minutes, something was clearly wrong.  It resulted in me dropping out of university again whilst I tried to get a correct diagnosis. I ended up having two investigations for prostate cancer but luckily it turned out not be that. Eventually I was diagnosed with a condition called chronic bacterial prostatitis(prostate infection) It had given me an irritable bladder for life I was further told. I felt utterly devastated that this health issue had stopped me carrying on with my degree. However, the only thing that kept me going during this time was again, believing in HOPE. Hope that one day I would go back to complete my studies.  I was not going to let this illness beat me.

The problem I had was that every time I went back to re-start my studies, I ended up getting a prostate infection back again. I ended up having drop out a further two times due to such an infection making me very ill again and thus getting very behind with my studies.  .  I dropped out a further year due struggling badly with a hernia.  My Mum could see how much it was destroying me, having to drop out time and time again.  She asked me if I should call it a day regarding trying to get this degree.  I was adamant I could pass though, adamant that it would happen as long as I could get this prostate condition stabilized. I am pleased to say that after a lot of blood, sweat and many tears I finally did achieve my HOPE and dream of graduating.  I could not have got through those dark times without believing in HOPE. Hope one day that I would make my late Dad proud, hope that one day I would achieve my ultimate goal!

My story does not have a ‘then lived happily ever after’ line to it sadly.  My life and career goals have been halted by yet more health issues. Soon after graduating I was diagnosed with a serious lifelong lower back problem called spondylolisthesis. They found there is also nerve compression there thus giving me continual sciatica down my left leg. The old prostate infections have left me with a chronic pelvic pain.  I had sinus surgery as well as having my gallbladder removed. Things were progressing nicely with the pelvic physio until my gallstones appeared.

I was not right after my gallbladder operation. I wasted a year having test after test to try and find out why my lower right ribs hurt so much. Disaster struck when upon going to be local doctors for a blood test, I unknowingly sat in seat with vomit on it. Thing is though, I did not know this at the time and so spread this smell all over my clothes and Mother’s house.  I just could not cope and could not get rid of the smell. It made me completely withdraw from life.  I now have this constant irrational fear that I might smell, sit or see vomit everywhere I go or in every mode of transport that I travel in. I am no more than a quarter of the person I used to be.

I was making tiny steps forward when I got dropped another bombshell. My recent swollen lower legs were confirmed as being a condition called lymphoedema . Another lifelong health problem that I now have for the rest of my days. My desperate opening paragraph relates to depression over this, as well as being able to smell vomit in the house again from that original traumatic incident.  I thought I was over the worst of it three years ago yet here I was feeling everywhere was contaminated again.

I nearly gave up a few weeks ago, I just could not see a way out of this mess.  It just seemed like one setback too many.  I am a fighter as you can see but there seemed little fight in me at this time.  Nevertheless, believing in the extraordinary power of HOPE is what got me through this nightmare.

I will never stop HOPING for my dreams to come true.  I have been through so much that I cannot let the bad stuff that has happened to me now win.  HOPE is why I am still fighting, it is a necessary ever present force in my life.  Life without HOPE would be meaningless to me.  HOPE IS THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS ME ALIVE!

 

NB -UPDATE- About three months after writing this I now do not feel quite as bad as I did. Up to yesterday, things were going really well. I had got some fight back in me.  I had started wanting to be somebody again, wanting get a live again and fight the OCD. I started dieting in the last four weeks, doing core exercises and so already I look better than I did. I have started going on long walks in a further bid to look fitter. I am pleased to say this walking and core stuff has really helped my lymphoedema and pelvic pain so feeling really pleased about this.  I have been referred to the hospital for my help regarding my mental issues and plan to go and see a therapist about my lymphoedema soon.

All was going well until I had a major flare-up with my OCD last night, it’s an horrendous 10/10 panic attack one. Slowly regrouping but it is a major body blow to me because I was making positive steps forwards. I need to regroup quickly and not go into my shell again….but it’s going to be very hard.

Yesterday, I found out that this piece of writing had unfortunately not won the competition. Nevertheless, got some lovely feedback this morning via an email about it from a person at Penguin Publishing.  As this piece of writing is a very raw, emotional piece that I put my heart and soul into, reading such lovely feedback was brilliant and meant an awful lot.

I decided to publish this entry this week because this week it is OCD AWARENESS WEEK. I hope you found it an interesting read.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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‘CONTENTLESS KATIE, JOYOUS JIVING JAY…….AND A BOXER WHO FAILED TO DELIVER ANY KNOCK OUT BLOWS! Strictly Come Dancing week 3 – A review.

Posted on October 12, 2015 by SCARFMAN

Saturday night saw a marathon two hour helping of Strictly Come Dancing. This week it was ‘movie week’, so the show had an added ‘spectacle’ feel about it. The dancing was fun to watch, the make-up/costumes impressive and who does not love listening to old theme tunes from well-known films? My only small gripe was it being two hours in length.  I enjoyed it watching it but I did feel a bit worn out by the end……and I was watching it on iplayer and fast forwarding through some bits too!

One of the joys of watching Strictly is that you very quickly decide upon who your favourite dance couples are going to be for the series.  Katie Derham and Anton Du Beke are one of mine but unfortunately they had a bit of a stinker.  I am no dancer but as their dance ended, even I thought to myself that it seemed to be lacking a few cha-cha-cha moves. That too is what the judges deemed to the problem with it. In fairness to Anton, he did graciously hold his hands up and say the lack of dance content in it was entirely his fault.  He makes me chuckle at times but I also enjoyed seeing this more humbler side to him.  I did wonder if he had forgot the moves of the cha-cha-cha all together given he has been given some shocking celebrity dance partners to dance with through the years. The previous two weeks showed just what an amazing dancer Katie can be so lets hope Anton does not make the same mistake again with her.

Olympic bronze medal boxer Anthony Ogogo had a dance to forget.  It seemed more like a boxing dance than being a paso doble. I did fear the worst for him when the dance ended. You also know a performance is weak when the ‘fun’ element gets mentioned…argh.  He seemed like a lovely fella and did his best but to come into a dancing show already with an injured shoulder just seems like madness to me.  It is like trying to box with your hands tied behind your back.

Along with Katie and Anton, another favourite couple of mine is presenter Anita Rani with her professional partner Gleb Shavchenko. I just find Anita soooooo likable.  I love her cheery positive demeanor.  I love how she is not a trained dancer but has totally just thrown herself into show. She seemingly has this kind of ‘free spirit’ vibe about her which is appealing to watch.  I think they make a great dance couple and their American Smooth was brilliant.

However, the dance of the night belonged to pop star Jay McGuiness with his pro partner Aliona Vilani. In week one this guy seemed like a nervous wreck and to be honest with you, all the mothering of him by co-presenter Tess Daly really got on my nerves.  He was like a different person here though. He was more confident and performed such a technically brilliant jive(as John Travolta from Pulp Fiction). I definitely think this my favourite dance to watch when done well. It is just non-stop energy which gets you going(or perhaps it is just me).  Rather than finding him irritating like I did earlier, I am gradually warming to him as well. I cannot stand cocky male celebrities from soap operas or pop groups who have self-inflated egos the size of Big Ben. It is nice to see Jay is not like this. The only thing that slightly irritated me about the performance was the the over-the-top reaction of the studio audience at the end of it.  Hysteria is the word that springs to my mind. You would have thought he had just discovered penicillin or something going off their joyous reactions….blimey O’Reilly calm down!

The bottom two in the dance off ended up being celebrity chef Ainsley Harriott(who I really like)with his dance partner Natalie Lowe, and the aforementioned Anthony Ogogo with his pro partner Oti Mabuse.  All four judges decided to save Ainsley. To me this was the right decision.  I have a real soft spot for this saved couple. Ainsley like Anita a bit, has this sunny smiley demeanor about him that makes me smile just looking and listening to him. He did a brilliant salsa the week before as well. I am sorry to sound harsh but it was time already for Ogogo to go.  He is not a dancer I imagine with two healthy arms and shoulders, so therefore just having one healthy set made it mission impossible for his pro-partner Oti.  Hope to see to soon excelling at boxing once again Anthony.

Others ones to note were Kellie Bright and Kevin Clifton’s brilliant charleston, together with a great paso by Captain Jack Sparrow(Aka Peter Andre) and his pro partner Janet Manrara. Actresses Helen George and Georgia May Foote also continue to be a delight to watch.  Regarding the latter, I loved it when head judge Len Goodman added some drama into the proceeding as he tore a right strip off her Italian pro dance partner Giovanni Pernice for acting a bit cocky.  Len went all Godfather on him for a second and I must have replayed him telling him off about ten times, very funny.

There we are then, that was Strictly for another week.  Fun to watch and I look forward to seeing Katie being back on form next Saturday……..GIVE IT ALL YOU’VE GOT GIRL, as loveable Len would say!

 

 

Posted in BBC, BBC1, POPULAR CULTURE, REALITY TV, SOAP OPERA, STRICTLY COME DANCING, TELEVISION, THE ARTS, TV, TV REVIEW, UK TV, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment